(Closed) Is this tacky?

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

Definitely get together with them after the honeymoon and do not call it a bridal shower.

Post # 3
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It’s definitely against ettiquette.  If you’re not accepting gifts, I wouldn’t call it a shower.  Technically even a bachelorette is only supposed to include people invited to the wedding, but if your friends understand that you’re keeping it small, and since there will be no gifts, I would either call it your bachelorette, or just make up an excuse for a party, however you want to define “party” (as mild or wild as you want).

Post # 4
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Why not plan a girl’s day with them before the wedding? 

Post # 5
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

If you want to do something with friends, why not just invite them to the wedding? (I’m not trying to be rude, just need a little more information). What is it that you would want to do with your friends, exactly? A party? Because that would involve feeding/supplying drinks anyway so I’m just a little confused here. I don’t think doing something with your friends is a bad idea by any means, but you can still have a budget friendly and intimate wedding with more than 20 people (say, 30? 40?).

The only thing about the shower idea is that I would never invite someone to the shower who is not invited to the wedding. I don’t think that’s okay to do.

ETA: I think I misunderstood your post at first. By friends you only mean 5 additional girls. I was thinking that you were having 5 girls at your bridal shower. If it’s only 5 extra people, again, why not just invite them?

Post # 6
Member
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
aelicia :  As has been stated, if you call it a shower, they will bring gifts, because that’s what a shower is all about.

I assume someone else is hosting your shower. It would not be appropriate to invite them to a shower when they are not invited to the wedding.

If you want to spend some time with them, can you not simply invite them to brunch, lunch, drinks and appies?

Post # 7
Member
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
aelicia :  what do you mean you’re not accepting gifts? Because a bridal shower is a gift giving event, so if you’re going to refuse a gift someone gave you, you shouldn’t have one. 

And yes, what you’re suggesting is rude. 

Post # 8
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
aelicia :  shower = “shower” the person with gifts. If you are having a gathering where gifts are not involved then it is not really a shower but a celebration of sorts. I would avoid calling it a shower because people would be confused, feel the need to bring a gift despite being told not to, or both. Better to avoid labeling the event with a name that completely implies it is something that it isn’t.

With any event that is specifically aimed at celebrating the wedding, id avoid mixing company as mixing the invitees and non invitees would seem to draw attention to the fact that some are in but others are out.

The safest thing is probably just to invite them all out for a girls night but not really formally dedicate the night to the wedding at all. 

Post # 9
Member
713 posts
Busy bee

Call it a “pre-wedding brunch” instead and you’re good to go! 

Post # 10
Member
6216 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
aelicia :  As others have said, if it’s not a shower, then don’t call it one.

That aside, it’s 5 people – why can’t you invite them to your wedding?  My husband also didn’t want a large group and attention all over him; neither did I, really.  We still invited over 60 people and due to the location, got mid 30s. Our budget was well under the industry average (maybe 5000 not including some unnecessaries like rooms for friends).  It still felt small, intimate, easy to chat with everyone, no one we didn’t care about attending.  If you like these girls enough to invite them to your pre-wedding parties (luncheon, perhaps?  Tea?) then I can’t imagine it would be so bad to invite them to the wedding as well.

Post # 11
Member
8517 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
emilypaige :  Just inviting an extra 5 girlfriends when you’re planning on a family-only wedding under 20 for budget reasons isn’t easy. Especially if you want to give them +1s and especially if OP’s Fiance would then invite his closest 5 friends (and maybe their +1s). It could double their guest list.

OP, I agree with 

View original reply
futuremrspesci :  get together with them sometime after the honeymoon and don’t call it a shower. If they’re good friends, they’ll want to catch up with you and won’t have hard feelings that you drew a family-only line for your small wedding.

Post # 12
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I agree with PPs. Do something with them before or after the wedding but don’t call it a shower. It’s tacky and looks gift grabby even if you don’t ask for gifts. That’s the purpose of a shower. I think you could do something really nice like a girls spa day before the wedding and get mani pedis or a brunch/drinks after. 

Post # 13
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
aelicia :  A bridal shower is a very American invention. In the UK none of us have bridal showers…well very very few!! I would feel rather embarassed if I was thrown one tbh! Don’t worry about it. Just meet up with them after if that makes you feel more comfortable. Enjoy your day the way you want to x

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