Post # 32
We are inviting 300 people to are wedding and I already know what its like to see the guest list balloon out of control. But I would not invite them if I could not provide dinner for them. I would find a larger venue that could acomodate them or tell your parents that you think its rude to not be able to have enough room for them. It would be like not inviting someone to the ceremony but only the reception. It would not make your guests feel welcome.
Post # 33
As weird as it may seem, yes, we actually do know about 98% of the people who are on the list. My family (aunts, uncles, cousins) is 95 people, the FI’s hovers around 80 or so. We both grew up in the same small town and have remained close to the friends we have made over the years, which has always been a good thing until now. 🙂
At first the reason our list was out of control was because my mom felt she needed to invite all 25 of her co-workers and their guests. It literally took me 4 months to talk her out of this. Now last night, I got his parents list which included his parent’s cousins (as well as the FI’s cousins), family friends and their grown children as well as his sister-in-law’s entire family. He feels he owes it to his parents to honor this list, even if it means cutting people he has been friends with for years. I personally do not feel this is right and this is where we are butting heads. I especially do not feel it is right that his sister-in-law’s family is going to take up eight spots and just their presence is going to get under my skin because, like I said, they’re nothing but rude.
This situation has just spiraled out of control in the past 24 hours and I am just not sure what to do. It has been decided that there will not be 2 different invitations, but I guess I am looking for advice as to what to do next.
Post # 34
I voted yes, I would be offended if i received one of these invites and would think “I am not good enough”
Post # 35
i think its terribly offensive… if you are choosing to invite x amount of people you should definitely hwave a reception that can accommodate that number. if youve already booked your site id hand the lislt back to the parent and say either start cutting or itll be up to them to foot the bill for a new bigger venue…
Post # 36
@cheapchicbride: I think you and your FH need to decide that a certain generation of distance of people need to be cut out. Maybe its parents cousins, maybe its friends that you see at the bar, but rarely if ever call on their phone. Come up with some sort of rule and see what that leaves you with. And then stick with it and form a team against the parents who will likely not like it.
Post # 37
@cheapchicbride….Glad to hear that you decided against the 2 invites. Since your wedding is almost 1 year away, is it possible to change your venue? If not, I agree with lefeymw, set up some kind of rule as to where to cut the guest list down.
Just to share…I recently went to a wedding where my now Darling Husband and I “made the cut” for the “whole” wedding wheras others got invited to the festivities AFTER dinner only. (Mind you, we have a very huge circle of friends) When I went to go to the bathroom during the dinner, there were several of our friends just sitting in another part of the hall just waiting for us to finish eating so that they could enter the ballroom. I felt sooooooo horrible to see them all just sitting there with their hands in their laps basically. I swear I would have not gone if we had been invited only to the “after dinner” part….I personally think it is beyond rude. Bottom line, it not only makes those people feel bad, it makes the other guests feel bad for them too.
Post # 38
The only way this works is if your after dinner guests are young (college age or younger) and just want to come for the par-tay. Just verbally invite them and say, “hey, we can’t afford to foot the dinner bill for you guys but you should come for dancing and drinks!
Post # 39
I am going to go against everyone here and say I would not be offended (assuming I wasn’t a cousin or close friend). I also grew up in a small town (FI from the same small town). There are a ton of people who we are friends with who are just not going to make the cut, and who I would not expect to make the cut on thier list as well.
If you are sending these to people who don’t “expect” to invited in the first place I say they should be understanding. There are a lot of large families where I come from so I would totally get it if I were invited after the fact.
As for the fact that you are gift grabbing- if I was invited for drinks and dancing I would still bring a card and throw some money in it, but I wouldn’t give as much as if I had come for dinner as well and I am sure people would do the same.
I would say do what feels right for you, if these are friends that you want there but seriously just can’t afford/fit and you don’t think they will be offended go for it. I know people will show up after if I invite them or not, so why not just put the invite out there.