Post # 1
So I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor planning my friends Bach party. She wants to go out of town for the night. So I first found a bach party package at a hotel that included: hotel room, spa treatment for bride (25% off for the BMs on a treatment) poolside cabanna with fruit and champange and a free appitizer at dinner. I was told by the BMs that this sounded good. Came out to $120/person. But then one of the girls called the bride and complained that she was asking too much of them.
So I changed the plan to just spliting the hotel room and I’ll bring a bottle of champagne to celebrate.
Well since I’ve gotten stiffed by one of the BMs for $150.00 for her part in the shower… I don’t want this to happen to me again.
So I was going to send an email out to all the girls invited to attend the party and say if you would like for me to reserve a room for you please send me a check for $50.00 by xx-xx-xxxx date. If I don’t get your money by then I’ll assume you have made other arrangements.
I was told by another Bridesmaid or Best Man that this is tacky to ask for the money upfront and embrassing. I’ve done this before at other bach parties and I was a guest not a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I didn’t see anything wrong with it.
So, is this tacky?
Post # 3
Stuff with money is always a little tacky. But I would rather be tacky than cheated. I think it is sort of a necessary evil. So my answer is, yes it is tacky, but who cares and you should do it anyway.
Post # 4
no, it’s not. It’s about the people you’re going with and if it’s happened before, then it could happen again. Also, they don’t know if you must put a deposit down, etc etc so really, if they intend on going they should have the money. I wouldn’t worry about asking.
Post # 5
No it’s not. Even for anyone who’s late in paying you. I think you should not be ashamed of asking for their part the day of or the day immediately afterwards. Don’t let them get away with it!
Post # 6
I don’t think that’s tacky. I think it’s necessary. You’re in charge of getting it all together but you’re not in charge of shouldering the cost of the entire thing! They gotta pay to play….
Two years ago my friend’s sister threw her bachelorette party and sent all us girls a cute invite. On the invitation it said, please either bring $X amount with you or mail a check for $X to blah blah blah. I didn’t think twice about it, nor did I think it was at all strange. Obviously participants are expected to pay for their portion. They may not like it, but that doesn’t make it tacky to ask for their fair share of the money.
Post # 7
@kittyachi- I’ve been to 10 bach parties and all of them told you up front how much it cost and to send your money or bring it with you. These girls are the first to leave dinner or the bar without paying their portions of the tabs and never think twice about it. It is so bad that the guys now say they won’t go to dinner or to the bar with these girls because they will put stuff on their tabs and then leave without pitching in.
They are the ones that are tacky in my opinion!
Post # 8
It’s not tacky. Asking people for money for parties is always uncomfortable and I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to do it.
Post # 9
i dont think its tacky at all. i planned a big bach party in vegas 2 years back. i made all the girls send money before i booked anything. everyone was excited when i gave them the price ($250/person), but i refused to book anything until i got cash in hand. wouldnt you know it, like 3 girls didnt send money but kept telling me they planned to come.
Post # 10
Hard times means drastic measures! I would totally do the same thing! My money is precious too so there’s nothing wrong in asking for a “deposit!”
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s tacky at ALL!
Its better for them too – they now what is expected of them!
I say go for it!
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Not tacky; necessary. I would do the same thing.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Agree with the rest of the posters, not tacky at all! Unfortunately, it is often the organizer’s job of any party to collect the money. Not fun but so NOT tacky to ask for it! It’s not like you should be expected to front it all!
Post # 14
I don’t think its tacky! You do what you gotta do to get paid!! :]
Post # 15
i dont think it’s tacky at all. just because you’re planning it does not mean you should also front money for people. I would definitely ask for the money up front. The last wedding I was in, the Maid/Matron of Honor gave us a print out with the estimate of how much the entire weekend would cost. that included everything, hotel, dinners, activities, etc. We sent her the money up front and she took care of ALL the payments, buying props and decor, paying for spa and dinner, etc. She kept all the receipt and at the end reimburst us for the small differnce in actual cost. it worked out great because it didn’t put a huge burden on her and she didn’t have to chase after anyone for money.
Post # 16
I can see where you friend may think it’s tacky (it sounds like you don’t trust them, etc) but in reality, THIS IS LIFE! For high-dollar things I ask for payment up front. For cheap stuff (IE a hotel room we’re all splitting and the total cost is like $55), i don’t really worry about it. I would feel like it was PERFECTLY NORMAL and legit (and expected!!!) for me to receive an email saying “hey you owe XX for the bachelorette party! Send me a check, thanks!)