(Closed) Is this tacky??

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I was in the same boat w/regards to not really needing anything, but I think that if you don’t include a registry card you’ll just end up with tons of unwanted and tacky items (likely w/o a receipt!) rather than $$.  I don’t think people will think that it’s tacky, I just think that people will buy you "stuff" rather than sending money, so my suggestion would be to have the registry and upgrade what you already have or buy lots of things at a store where you can return the items for store credit.

Post # 4
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m confused.

No, its not tacky to NOT include a registry card. In fact, its considered declasse TO insert registry cards in the invites.

 So, on that front, I really wouldn’t worry.

 In terms of what you want, don’t even create a registry if there isn’t anything that you want. However, I think I should warn you that you might end up with some crazy aunts getting you some granny night gowns that don’t have a return slip.

 What about a honeymoon registry?

 

Post # 5
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I know its possible to set up honeymoon registries, where people can contribute to your honeymoon fund rather than giving gifts…

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

I like the idea of a honeymoon registry 🙂 I think if you leave registry info off the shower invite and aren’t registered anywhere ppl are going to just get you something they think you need. I, personally, would never give money as a shower present.

fabulouslyengaged – I don’t think it is unacceptable to put registry info in shower invites… someone else is throwing shower, so they can let ppl know where you are registered.

Post # 7
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

I actually am in the process of signing up for honeyfund.com right now. I’ve only seen good reviews and they don’t charge you for any fees (although paypal charges you a few percent I think), but honeyfund doesn’t. 

Post # 8
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Since you’re saving up for your honeymoon, then I’d go with some of the previous posters and set up a honeymoon registry. It’s almost like getting cash, it’s just cash specifically for your honeymoon. Otherwise, set up a simple registry to upgrade things you already have. That way you don’t end up with things you DON’T want and can’t return.

Post # 9
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Jewel Box in Forest Park and Windows on Washington

It is not required to include a registry card or information.  Just let your Maid/Matron of Honor know.  I think people will get the hint.

@fabulouslyengaged: It is not tacky or poor ettiquette to include the registry card in a wedding shower invite.  That rule really only applies to the actual wedding invitation.

And just as Miss Frenchie mentions above, a honeymoon registry is a great idea! There are a few sites that offer this!

Post # 10
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think you may be a bit out of luck.  The whole point of the shower is for people to shower you with gifts to show their love and excitement (and because of that, it’s usually considered okay to include registry information with the shower invitation, even though this is a no-no for wedding invitations).  A shower is not a fundraiser.  If you have all the usual stuff, then you may want to have your maid of honor change your shower and give it a theme … lingerie shower?? book shower??  movie shower???  I’ve heard of lots of people doing something like this when they either don’t need the usual shower items or want to do something that won’t cost guests a lot of money. 

 

Post # 11
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Along with the honeymoon registry, I have also seen a few programs pop up around here with banks where they set up a registry account where the bride and groom can describe home improvement projects that are coming up in the near future or other large scale goals that they are saving for.  People can add money to the registry so that they don’t have to carry money to the wedding or shower.  This way, the guest knows what they are putting the money toward and not just writing random checks out…

Post # 12
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

since I’ll be moving I don’t really want big bulky gifts, I already spread the word around to my friends and family, I only want gifts really  from my immediate family (bros, sis, mom, dad) because I am sentimental and would love to have a wedding gift, but other than that it’s too much of a hassle to transport; I thought it was too presumptuous and aggressive to put that in the invitations, even putting no boxed gifts sounds too ungracious

 

I also told my cousins to avoid heay items because we’re moving, she asked about registry I said there was none, dont know if she got the hint

for my bridal shower I’m doing lingerie theme, that was the original idea anyway, then it got expanded to coed theme, inviting parents etc, a girl can’t have too much lingerie

Post # 13
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

LS13, could you have a honeymoon themed shower and registry?  Could you register for things that you might use on your honeymoon, or things that fit into vacationing or travel.  (For example, you probably won’t bring a picnic basket on you honeymoon, but it kind of fits into a vacation, or weekend getaway type of theme.)  Maybe you’ll find there are some things to register for that you’d like.  Then along with that you can have the honeymoon fund.  So people who are OK with the fund, can give you money.  And the people who are offended by kmoney for a shower can buy a gift from the registry.

Post # 14
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Okay, so after reading some responses to my message, you got my interest peaked, and I looked it up on Emily Post’s website.

"Can the host include registry information in the shower invitation? Yes, it is fine for the hostess to include gift registry information with (but not on) the invitation. It’s important, though, to remember that it’s totally the guest’s choice as to gift selection."

 In case anyone else gets confused like I did, here’s what they have to say about it. 😉

Post # 15
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I doubt you would get much cash at a shower, even if there was no registry. Shower gifts are meant to be opened in front of everyone and it would be awkward to show everyone how much cash you got! Only one person at my shower of about 40 people gave me cash.

Post # 16
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

For my shower, my sister (also my MOH) and my mom made it a point to explain to people that I had not yet registered for the wedding and reminded them that while my shower would be in TX, I would be flying right back to VA, where I live with my Fiance.

Sooo, she recommended cute pajamas and nighties from Vistoria’s Secret or something similar.  It worked out great.  No one brought me a toaster and a majority of the gifts were either VS, gift cards or cash!

By The Way VS is great about allowing you to exchange gifts without a receipt. (Everything I got was cute, but some it was too big).

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