Post # 1
when my partner and I met, we were looking at rings and wanted to get engaged within three months. We were so in love! Due to financial constraints, it took close to two years to get the ring, but we finally did!
he has had the ring for a full year now.
we have been fighting because when he got the ring, he promised he would propose within months of our 2nd anniversary. He didn’t. He gave other times, but each time I had to find out he wouldn’t. Not because he came to me, but because I probed. He didn’t go on a family vacation because he didn’t feel he could go without proposing, so I went alone.
Each tome one he made a promise and failed, I saw our future chip away. I would get upset and lash out how he keeps making promises he can’t keep and how it’s killing me and it’s not right.
Recently he agreed to plan a vacation for us for our anniversary. He mentioned doing it months ago but made a promise to have it done a few weeks ago by New Years. New Years came and went. He didn’t have time. So he said he wants a few more days. The day came and he said he would try to have it done. I said try? why not just have it done since its been weeks and you can cancel a football game and he said because he doesn’t care. Just tell me you don’t want to go instead of saying you will and then me having to find out alone you won’t vs you coming to me to be honest.
Its been a year year since he got the ring. Conversations are a struggle. He has a habit of ignoring everything but the last thing I said. Is there any future left? I feel like I’m starving for attention and he claims he’s giving it. Telling me 🙂 or 🙁 or I’m fine is not attention!
i know I’m strict but I try so hard. If he doesn’t want a future why is he still here. Why get the ring ( we have been ldr for almost three years and it’s over in June so we can move in)
Post # 2
I know there are lots of details not included, but this doesn’t sound to me like a relationship with a future. If you are this irritated with him now and he is continually breaking promises to you, perhaps you need to reconsider what type of person youd like to marry.
Post # 3
1) He’s being a wimp or convincing himself that he might be missing something else in life if he marries too soon.
2)he doesn’t want to get married so he’s avoiding it.
3) he is stringing you along, keeping you from meeting someone who does want to be married one day
4) Can you live with being his girlfriend forever or is that a dealbreaker? Because as long as you stay, that is what you will be.
I say this as someone who had a very tough time getting her boyfriend to propose. We had a real come to God about it in the end. It was miserable. I am thrilled to be married and he seems happy too, so it’s possible your guy is just being a wuss. But mine didn’t avoid going places with me b/c he’d feel obligated! I feel like he’s just not into the idea of marriage. If you want to fight for this, have a come to God discussion as well, but be prepared for him to realize and/or admit it’s just not what he wants.
Post # 4
I know I’ll get crap for this but his two best friends got engaged and already have plans to get married in the spring and he still has the ring. I’m thinking if he didn’t live at home where he pays rent and has everything done (basically) is what’s not having be grown. Please don’t hate on that fact, we were originally to do that to save money for when we move in together once I am done with grad school and pay off loans quicker.
Post # 5
There’s no point making excuses for him. If he wanted to propose, he would.
I think it’s better to marry someone who can at least make promises they can keep. I’m not judging him for not wanting to get married; it’s better to not go along with something you don’t want to do. But stringing you along isn’t right, it’s not adult, and it’s not fair. You need to be able to be vulnerable with each other, talk about tough things, and hash them out together. That’s not happening, and that is not going to make for a very stable or secure marriage.
Post # 6
I know it’s easier said than done but…. Dump him. You don’t want to marry a man who can’t keep his word or be honest.
Post # 7
If he wanted to propose and marry you he would. Personally it sounds like he is draging his feet. Not sure why but it sounds like he has had enough time to decide what he wants. Dont sell yourself short. Be with someone who wants to be with you.
Post # 8
I’m a firm believer that when the relationship is no longer a positive one, you move along; he’s not the groom you’re looking for.
Best wishes, Bee!
Post # 9
Is he scared of commitment? I’m sure there’s a reason why he hasn’t proposed to you yet. That being said it seems like you are not on the same page in the relationship. Stand up for yourself. it may be time to move on.
Post # 10
I don’t see why you would want to marry someone who lies, can’t keep his word, and refuses to address problems. Do you want to live the rest of your life with someone who runs away from problems? What’s going to happen when you have children? Or you get sick? or there’s death in the family, etc. I would stop pushing because he keeps showing you he is not on the same page as you.
You’ve been together for a few years (assuming based on your post; I could be wrong), so he may be scared to commit with such a small amount of time being together. Add in that you’ve been LDR. He may be waiting until you move in together to see how that works out.
You need to have an honest discussion with him and address how he’s feeling, because he 100% knows how you feel, but you are in the dark about what’s going on in his head. Then you can decide whether it’s worth the wait or not.
Post # 11
He’s never going to marry you.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2016 - New Orleans, LA
what a mess. I think you know the answer, but if you are willing to give him this last chance then YOU make a deadline for yourself. If you are willing to wait another month then in your mind, give him that month. But you must start taking control of this situation since he refuses to and since you can’t propose to yourself, this means walking away from this relationship. Good luck, bee.
Post # 13
At what point do I need to take a look at myself? What if I’m doing something wrong
Post # 14
You’re not doing anything wrong. This is about him, not you. And if he is making it seem like it’s you or blaming you, don’t bother with him. Partner’s don’t blame each other — they work through it.
Post # 15
I’m continually baffled by the staggering number of women on here with partners like this. He knows you want(ed) to get married, he knows you know he has the special little prop as is tradition–it’s way past the point of being a surprise, so what’s the delay?
He’s too chickenshit to tell you he’s not ready yet (or ever) so he’s just going to continue to make promises he has no intention of keeping so he can either string you along or force you to be the one who does the dumping. Three years isn’t a huge amunt of time to be with someone but it’s definitely enough time to know whether the relationship is a good fit. Doesn’t sound like it is.