(Closed) Is this the beginning of the end?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I know there are lots of details not included, but this doesn’t sound to me like a relationship with a future. If you are this irritated with him now and he is continually breaking promises to you, perhaps you need to reconsider what type of person youd like to marry.

Post # 3
Member
6873 posts
Busy Beekeeper

1) He’s being a wimp or convincing himself that he might be missing something else in life if he marries too soon.

2)he doesn’t want to get married so he’s avoiding it.

3) he is stringing you along, keeping you from meeting someone who does want to be married one day

4) Can you live with being his girlfriend forever or is that a dealbreaker?  Because as long as you stay, that is what you will be.

I say this as someone who had a very tough time getting her boyfriend to propose.  We had a real come to God about it in the end.  It was miserable.  I am thrilled to be married and he seems happy too, so it’s possible your guy is just being a wuss.  But mine didn’t avoid going places with me b/c he’d feel obligated!  I feel like he’s just not into the idea of marriage.  If you want to fight for this, have a come to God discussion as well, but be prepared for him to realize and/or admit it’s just not what he wants.

Post # 5
Member
1978 posts
Buzzing bee

There’s no point making excuses for him. If he wanted to propose, he would.

I think it’s better to marry someone who can at least make promises they can keep. I’m not judging him for not wanting to get married; it’s better to not go along with something you don’t want to do. But stringing you along isn’t right, it’s not adult, and it’s not fair. You need to be able to be vulnerable with each other, talk about tough things, and hash them out together. That’s not happening, and that is not going to make for a very stable or secure marriage.

Post # 6
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

I know it’s easier said than done but…. Dump him. You don’t want to marry a man who can’t keep his word or be honest. 

Post # 7
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

If he wanted to propose and marry you he would. Personally it sounds like he is draging his feet. Not sure why but it sounds like he has had enough time to decide what he wants. Dont sell yourself short. Be with someone who wants to be with you. 

Post # 8
Member
4233 posts
Honey bee

 

I’m a firm believer that when the relationship is no longer a positive one, you move along; he’s not the groom you’re looking for.

Best wishes, Bee!

 

Post # 9
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
polkadots12:  Is he scared of commitment? I’m sure there’s a reason why he hasn’t proposed to you yet. That being said it seems like you are not on the same page in the relationship. Stand up for yourself. it may be time to move on. 

Post # 10
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t see why you would want to marry someone who lies, can’t keep his word, and refuses to address problems. Do you want to live the rest of your life with someone who runs away from problems? What’s going to happen when you have children? Or you get sick? or there’s death in the family, etc. I would stop pushing because he keeps showing you he is not on the same page as you. 

You’ve been together for a few years (assuming based on your post; I could be wrong), so he may be scared to commit with such a small amount of time being together. Add in that you’ve been LDR. He may be waiting until you move in together to see how that works out.

You need to have an honest discussion with him and address how he’s feeling, because he 100% knows how you feel, but you are in the dark about what’s going on in his head. Then you can decide whether it’s worth the wait or not. 

Post # 11
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

He’s never going to marry you.

Post # 12
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - New Orleans, LA

View original reply
polkadots12:  what a mess. I think you know the answer, but if you are willing to give him this last chance then YOU make a deadline for yourself.   If you are willing to wait another month then in your mind, give him that month. But you must start taking control of this situation since he refuses to and since you can’t propose to yourself, this means walking away from this relationship.  Good luck, bee.

Post # 14
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
polkadots12:  You’re not doing anything wrong. This is about him, not you. And if he is making it seem like it’s you or blaming you, don’t bother with him. Partner’s don’t blame each other — they work through it. 

Post # 15
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m continually baffled by the staggering number of women on here with partners like this. He knows you want(ed) to get married, he knows you know he has the special little prop as is tradition–it’s way past the point of being a surprise, so what’s the delay? 

He’s too chickenshit to tell you he’s not ready yet (or ever) so he’s just going to continue to make promises he has no intention of keeping so he can either string you along or force you to be the one who does the dumping. Three years isn’t a huge amunt of time to be with someone but it’s definitely enough time to know whether the relationship is a good fit. Doesn’t sound like it is.

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