Post # 1
Hi bees. So my bachelorette involved going to the spa for pedis, cooking up some dinner at my friend’s house (we all brought food), and then going to a local bar around the corner from her house for nachos and drinks and dancing, then coming back and crashing at her house. Everyone left in the morning. I had 6 girls, 3 of whom travelled about 4 hours driving to come, which was absolutely amazing of them to do and I know was tough to schedule.
I have been invited to/helping plan 2 bachelorettes this year, both of which are 3+ night exursions that require flights and hotels. (I’m from Ontario, Canada) 1 is to Nashville, 1 is to Miami. The brides are not paying for their own flights/hotels/food/etc. They will likely run me about $1500 each.
Is this the new normal? When my Maid/Matron of Honor asked what I wanted to do I said I had absolutely zero preference, but if possible I wanted those 6 girls to be able to go – if that meant a night in at someone’s house and pot luck I would have been tickled. With my friends so scattered, it was unbelievably nice to just have them all in one room. All these multi-day vacations seem excessive – maybe it’s because I have no backbone but I would never dream of asking my friends to do that. They’d be the type to try as hard as they could to make it happen, and I wouldn’t want to put that stress on them. (I know the easy thing is just not to go… but that’s tough!) Or maybe I’m just bitter because my husband and I haven’t been on a honeymoon (or to a warm destination together!) yet. He is adament that I do this for my friends though, which makes me love him more.
If you’ve been to several bachelorettes – what did they look like? Were they one night of bar-hopping, multi-day vacations, or something else?
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull
I can only use mine and my cousin’s for reference, but here goes 🙂
Mine was weird because my BMs are all over, so they stayed longer. They came down on the Friday so we went out for dinner and drinks before going back to the hotel we were all staying at (the 3 BMs and myself)
Saturday was Spa Day, Meal and drinks with a few others
Then Sunday was Bridesmaid or Best Man dress fittings as they were all together in one place 🙂
Post # 3
My closest friends are scattered across the country, so our bachelorettes have generally involved plane tickets and 2 nights of hotel or crashing at someone’s apartment for most participants. I’ve definitely never had to pay for a bride’s airfare or accommodation though…that seems insane to me unless everyone is loaded lol. I have chipped in on food at certain meals for the bride, but def not every expense for the whole weekend, and def not travel/lodging fees.
For my bach, everybody except one girl (who is hosting us at her apartment) has to travel cause we all live in different cities. I paid for my own flights, and accommodation is free cause my friend is putting us up for 2 nights. I would have loved to do a more glitzy affair and get an airbnb in some cool city like Austin or California wine country, but I didn’t feel it was appropriate to make everyone spend that much since all my girls already have to get flights and hotels for my actual wedding.
Post # 4
I have done all types of bach parties from local to 2 in vegas… but the ones that were out of town the brides always covered her own flight and hotel.. we just split the cost of dinners and bottles at clubs or something so pretty ridiclous this bride isnt paying her own way.
I am doing my bach in florida I am from Toronto but I talked about this idea with all my best girls way before plannig. I honestly asked what everyones budget is, if its easy to take time off and what they all want to do and my 7 bridesmaids and 3 other close friends all said they want to go away and make this a girls trip and gave me their budget and we are sticking well within it. Im inviting a few other friends but to me it was most important to clear everything with my core group as it matters to me the most that they are there.
I think its also important to remember that as much as the weekend is about the bride its also a girls trip which in our age with fiances, family, work etc we dont get to do that often and at least in my group of friends everyone was very excited to spend 3 days on the beach drinking, gossiping and doing girl things and relaxing.
I am also 100% paying my own flight and share of the air bnb we are renting.
I picked Fort Lauderdale because we have all been to vegas many times and also not all my girls are into that clubbing/pool party bottle service scene so I thought a house on the beach would be perfect mix of things. We are also renting a house instead of hotel that way we can all be together and use kitchen to cook instead of always going out to eat. We are doing 3 days there and are planning on using pool and beach during the day and day drinking making yummy sangrias etc and going to local casual bars at night 🙂
I think as long as the bride talks to all her friends and they are 100% on board that a pricer destination bach is totally fine.
However I know from reading stories on here that some brides just decide what they want to do without speaking to any of their friends and asking if its ok and then expecting everyone to shell out hundreds of dollars and days of work.. that is not okay.
Post # 5
That still seems fairly reasonable to me!
Huh! So it seems the two-night flight/hotel thing is more common than I thought! I was the same way as you in terms of not feeling it was appropriate to ask the girls to spend a lot, when being in a wedding party is expensive enough as it is (plus the shower, and travel associated with the wedding, and the gift, etc.) But if you were all across the country, it must have been so nice to be all together again!
Post # 6
They’re getting out of hand aren’t they? If everyone’s on board and can afford it, then I guess no harm done, but i don’t know anyone who did their stags in town. My fiancés is completely out of hand – they were originally going to do Mexico, but just changed it to LA so it’s cheaper, but flights are still $500 (and I had to pay for my Future Brother-In-Law – whole other thing but come on). But it’s the norm in their group. They were in Utah for someone else’s last summer. Like Utah? I don’t really get it, there were flight connections and immigration. Mine is one day and night in Whistler which is local for most of us (living half way between Vancouver and Whistler for the most part). We’re bungee jumping, zip lining, then going out. Mine is the most local I’ve seen in my group, most are Vegas, LA, Nashville, or Toronto. But this stuff drives me nuts so I stressed that I don’t need to leave the country.
I was honestly peeved when my Fiance was going to Mexico because we also have never done a hot vacation together! His friends even suggested Costa Rica, but I had to put my foot down because we always talked about going there together. His friends are basically all married and have kids, so for a lot of them these are their chances to get out of the house I guess. His is also five days and mine is one which is annoying only because I have the dog to myself for that long. And even though my Future Brother-In-Law (the best man) can’t afford it, they’re still going! I felt so bad for him because we were having this conversation the other day and so I offered to pay his flights to get there. He will pay me back over the next few months, which is fine, but if your best man can’t afford your trip then you should do it local!
Anyways, it’s perfectly fine to go out in your home town. And as a guest you can definitely say no if they’re getting out of hand. We only have limited vacation days and money.
Post # 7
That actually sounds amazing! The trip to Miami won’t be a girls trip, as the only other person coming is a male friend of hers I’ve never met. But yours sounds so ideal! I like the house rental aspect a lot – and day drinking. Yum! Is that through air bnb?
I think my problem is I assume everyone is like me – I want to make people happy so badly I’m not always honest about my situation. So friends are like “hey I really want to go to Nashville/Miami/wherever” and I just go “ok!” because I want them to have everything they want for their wedding. So I assume my friends are like that too, so I avoid even asking them because I don’t want them to say yes and then go oh crap!
And to be honest I wans’t fully expecting to have 2 destination bachelorettes in one year – oops!
Post # 8
I’m in the same boat! My husband and I have never been on a “warm” vacation together – not even to Florida. And here I am jetting off to Miami and Nashville. It sounds like that LA trip is quite pricey! It’s so good of you to pay for your Future Brother-In-Law, but it’s really too bad he’s been put in that situation. Yours, on the other hand, sounds perfect!! Local for the most part, full of cool stuff… yes please!
Post # 9
For mine, half of the girls lived in my city & half lived in my hometown 2 hours away. We rented a cabin at a state park for 2 nights at a halfway point & spent the weekend playing games and enjoying the park. It cost everyone less than $200.
My sister decided (without checking with anyone) that she wanted to rent a beach cabin for a weekend in the next state over, got one big enough for everyone she invited, THEN gave us a price. Almost half the girls dropped out bc they couldn’t afford it, which nearly doubled our shsres. Oh and come to find out, the price her mom gave us covered my sister as well. Most people did not end up enjoying the weekend.
Post # 10
I dont have a large sample size, but here is what I have. My friends Bachelorette party this summer will be 1 day, spa time, wine tasting, dinner, and bar hopping. We are renting a hotel room in the city (we all live just outside the city) for the night.
For my bachelorette, my Maid/Matron of Honor asked if I wanted it to be a weekend trip or staying in town. I indicated that I wanted to go to the spa, do one of those drink and paint (or some other craft), nice dinner, and hit some bars for dancing. Something lower key. I am not a huge partier, so I dont feel like a weekend in Vegas or something like that is me.
I have seen more and more friends (people I have lost contact with but are still friends on facebook) are going for full weekend trips. I think that is too big of a burden on the friends of the bride, personally.
Post # 11
Fortunately, with my group of friends, the destination bachelorette parties have not been the norm. I’ve heard of other people having them though but I don’t think they’re as common as having something more low key at home.
My one friend originally wanted to do one and all the girls (bridesmaids) said no way because of the cost. She apologized afterwards for being such a bridezilla and said she just got caught up in the idea of having a fun girls trip. The same friend went on a desination bachelorette for her now SIL and when she added up what she spent, felt even more bad for asking us to do the same for her.
Now my Fiance, on the other hand, is having a destination bachelor party in Las Vegas. However, he and his brothers go to Vegas every year together so this trip will double as the bachelor party. It sounds like they’re going to have a lot of fun and in a way I am a bit envious, but I know my girlfriends are spending a lot more on me with the bridal shower gifts and doing their hair/makeup for the wedding itself so we are having a spa day/dinner/bar night locally.
Post # 12
They can really vary, I think it depends on a few circumstance, but here’s what happened for my close group and others I’ve been to.
2010 – this also happened to be a year in which 4 of my close friends got married in 1 freaking year so we all agreed to keep it chill. I was also involved in 3 of these showers 😛
– Going to a dinner, club, stay overnight in Los Angeles – some from LA area, some of us from Orange County so maybe mmm, 1 hour drive.
– Dinner and spa
– Dinner/Club in LA or Orange County for one evening
Mine in 2016: 8 girls and 2 days, rented a 2 bedroom suite for us gals to just hang in Orange County. We did things like hiked, went out for dinner, did nails, talk through the night…it was so nice. By this time, most everyone has a toddler/newborn so they left them to have girl time. Room had an ocean view and we ended with Sunday brunch.
So in the year everyone got married, we agreed to go local, where most bachelorettes at the time would be a trip or Vegas (4 hour drive or 45 min flight). For mine, I did have people say if you want to (which I was toying with), we totally will do Austin or New Orleans. But in the end, I didn’t want to burden anyone with them having kids and expenses, I just wanted to hang out, like you did. All my friends are pretty close in distance though. On the other had my husband has been to 2-3 destination bachelors which required flying to San Francisco and New York (Austin too, but didn’t end up going due weather issues with flights).
So it just depends on the circumstances such as personality of bride, logistics, stage in life of bride and others. If these 2 brides aren’t in the same circle perhaps they just want to get away with the gals and unfortunately you’ve got 2 destination bachelorettes in the same timeframe.
Post # 13
I’m going to be doing mimosas at my sister’s (MOH’s) apartment, going to a baseball game, then going out for dinner and drinks – I wanted friends to be able to join for any and all parts of the day, whatever they felt like!
My Future Sister-In-Law wants to do a weekend getaway to an all-inclusive in Cabo or something like you’re talking about for her bachelorette for her 2018 wedding. She has expressed that she knows it’s a big time/money commitment, so she understands if some of her girls won’t be able to do it. My sister also went to a similar bachelorette last year for one of her law school bffs. I think they are definitely becoming more common!
Post # 14
Do all of these posts have to come with a qualifier about how the OP is the most supportive friend in the world and was a super chill bride herself?
Post # 15
Personally I would decline going to both if it’s really $1500 for each, I don’t have $3000 laying around. Nor would I be comfortable to spend the money.