(Closed) Is this too much to ask of the guests?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9071 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t know about your group of friends and family, but I wouldn’t provide that information to attend a wedding.

Post # 5
3270 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know plenty of people who got married on military bases, it’s actually very popular in my area. If people are used to it they willingly give their information and know that it is necessary. Personally I would be fine with it, but if it’s uncommon for your guests you may have an issue, especially if they don’t RSVP. 

Post # 6
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@HonoraryNerd:  I’m not American so my answer may be different from the others but I would be so uncomfortable sharing so much personal information just so I could attend a wedding I’d probably politely decline, honestly. 

I know your FI’s parents mean well but perhaps you’d be better off finding a more affordable venue elsewhere.


Post # 7
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think that’s WAY too much to ask of your guests. I know that I would never provide information for such a reason.  I also think that’s too much of a hassle for you!  I would hate to be the bride tracking that shit down.

Post # 8
3206 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@HonoraryNerd:  I can’t speak to whether this would be too much to ask of your guests, since you know them best, but I absolutely would not be giving someone my driver’s license number to attend their wedding would be very weird. My coworker’s brother had the Obamas attend his wedding as guests, and all they had to provide was the full legal name of each guest.

Post # 9
2957 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

It will be added stress for you. It is hard enough getting RSVPs at all, let alone extra info, and your moms reaction already makes it seem like your family will be a little flaky in that way.

Post # 10
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I can’t imagine if you explained why you needed the information, people would have that big of a problem with it. Would osmeone really miss their best friends wedding because they needed your DL to et onto base. I would make sure that it is wordered very clearly without the information they can not get onto the base.

Post # 11
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@HonoraryNerd:  All the posts I’ve ever lived near or visited, all you needed to get on base was to give the gate guard (or at a busier gate, the civilian employee inside the visitors center) your DL/insurance card for two minutes,  tell them what your destination on post is, open your trunk, and that was it. It is less invasive than what TSA does and it didn’t have to be done in advance- I’ve gone on post on a whim plenty of times to bring my fiance lunch or a snack when he’s working late and it it’s not a big deal. I’ve also attended plenty of graduations etc from basic and other schools on posts and again, no RSVP or advance planning needed, just allow enough time to get through the gate. I would say it’s roughly comparable in terms of hassle to getting in to and paying for parking at an airport parking garage.

Some posts may be more strict, so definitely find out, and if there IS a way to get passes in advance that would be thoughtful of you to try, but it seems silly to discard an otherwise good option because of what amounts to a 2-minute exertion per person.

Post # 12
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think you should talk to someone on base to find out specifically what information you need.   I wouldn’t mind giving over the information knowing that I was going onto a base for a wedding.  It would be silly to think they would just let people roam around on a base without documentation.  You may have to really harp on your family, if they don’t typically RSVP, to get the info and to explain that although this is something new, it’s not that big of a deal. 

Post # 13
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it depends on your guests. I live in an area where every other person you meet works for the government and many work on military bases. I work on a military base myself and honestly I wouldn’t have a problem providing that info to attend a friend’s wedding. If I felt they might do something sketchy with my info then its probably not a friend’s wedding I’d attend to begin with lol. I can see why some people would be hesitant though.

If you don’t have a military ID or CAT card then for a guest to get onto my Army base you just have to provide your license when you go through the security gate. Can your guests just do that instead of providing the information directly to you?

Post # 14
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ve visited bases before, lived on a research base, you absolutely need an ID to get in. Of course I get it, it’s U.S. government property. I’d be fine providing my license in person, I don’t feel comfortable sharing with bride and groom beforehand. I photographed a wedding at a naval club and I didn’t have to provide the info beforehand. Can you ask if the guests can bring in the ID on the day of? If the club requires you to collect it before, it has to be in a secure way – better given over the phone and you writing it down than sending it in the mail.

Post # 15
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Twin Oaks Garden House

@HonoraryNerd:  Maybe people just don’t get it or have never been on a military bases. Name and DL number is fine. I feel like its not that personal if someone at the grocery store can easily ask to see your DL to make sure you are 21 and no one thinks twice. I think in order to SAVE you money on the place in case people do try to bring others this is the best bet for you. Go see the place first and make sure you like it before you stress over it. But i would suggest you write a little thing like “Because we are having the wedding on a military base the following information will be needed to enter the site” that way they know why. Ive been to many bases so im used to it. HOMELAND SECURITY people!! better safe then sorry :).

Post # 16
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@HonoraryNerd:  I personally wouldn’t be put off by this, but I work in/around government and I’m constantly providing that sort of information to get into certain buildings. It sounds like this might be too much to ask for your crowd.

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