(Closed) Is this totally creepy or not a big deal?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

I think it’s a beginning toa bad marriage relationship if you do plan to marry him because I believe men with “fantasies” will start watching porn to get themselves excited without your help. Being addicted to that stuff is very unhealthy. I’m not saying every dude with a play boy magazine between his couch will turn out that way but be very careful when he starts to become distant….

And secondly personally I would be freaking mad if my Fiance EVER mentions another chick being pretty in front of me. Not only is it rude but you end up being conscious of the whole thing because every time he goes to his “cousins” house you’ll be all worried and such….. Or the fact he looks at her in a way he never looked at you like that…. You end up getting jealous… Blah blah blah. 

Just be careful girl

 

Post # 32
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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MissCountryGirl727:  Here’s my biggest problem with it: non-straight people, particularly lesbian relationships, are routinely objectified and reduced to a mere pornographic fantasy. I went to an all-women’s college and, even though I am straight, I was routinely the butt of straight guys’ jokes about lesbian fantasies. It was not funny to me at all, and I can only imagine how unfunny it must be to someone who actually identifies as lesbian and lives with that crap day in and day out. Who cares if he was joking and if it’s not actually his fantasy? I’m sure his cousin and her girlfriend don’t need to be reminded, yet again, that many people see them as objects to be enjoyed and not people in a real relationship. Just because something is intended as a joke doesn’t make it not creepy.

Post # 33
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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annd2015:  Thank you. I 100% agree.

Post # 34
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Some lines shouldn’t be crossed, and to me, that’s one of them. For several reasons. 1) That’s family. And whether he meant it as a joke or not, he’s obviously thought about it…that’s creepy. 2) I hate women being objectified…we are much more than a set of boobs and you know, those other parts. That would bother me. 3) That’s FAMILY, there’s boundaries. 

Post # 35
Member
5874 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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meg89:  Just forget about it.  It sounds like he was making an inappropriate observation, not propositioning them.

Post # 36
Member
3109 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

It’s inappropriate for sure, but without the context its hard to say if it’s creepy. It could have been said in a sarcastic joking manner, or it could have been said like he’s a cousin loving creep…I don’t know.

Post # 37
Member
7181 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

IMO, this is the sort of thing any misogynistic as*hole would say. I would imagine he didn’t see anything wrong with objectifying women – especially lesbians, because they surely exist only to entertain men and they don’t have actual feelings, right?

 I don’t think it is more inappropriate because it was a 3rd cousin, but it WAS inappropriate to say to anyone. My issue with marrying him wouldn’t be because I thought he had familial sexual interests, but instead would be marrying anyone with that sort of attitude. You realize that if he was willing to objectify someone to their face that he likely demeans people in his head all the time, and it probably includes you, too, simply because you are female.

Post # 38
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

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MissCountryGirl727:  “Hey, I’m fully aware that you have zero interest in men romantically or sexually, but I want to let you know that straight men are sexually interested in you and your significant other because you’re both feminine and conventionally attractive! And I think this is new information and relevant to your life and not at all invasive or disrespectful!” In what context is that flattering or funny? I’m sorry to say that very few people in the LGBT crowd are just dying to hear Straight Men Opinions about their love lives.

We don’t live in a vacuum and the message of women existing for male consumption is ubiquitous and lethal. I’m glad the cousin was able to momentarily burst his bubble. 

Post # 39
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

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meg89:  …… Ew. I just got so grossed out.

How old is she? And he? 150% disturbed.

Post # 40
Member
2679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think it’s creepy as hell. Removing the family element from the equation (because that is also really weird) I do not want to hear about my involvement in any man’s sexual fantasies, unless it is a man I am interested in having sex with. Cousin? Nope! Random co-worker? Nope! Random guy at the gym? Nope! Fiancé/boyfriend/husband/etc? Sure. 

Post # 41
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Every lesbian who is remotely fem has heard these comments before — I doubt his cousin thought twice about it after it was said.  I was with a woman for 12 years and if I had a dollar for every time some man said something like that…..  It’s not worth getting offended over.  People say stupid things sometimes and there are bigger issues in the world.  

Post # 42
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

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Speck_:  x100000000000000 to both your comments. Perfectly said.

Post # 43
Member
7893 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Inappropriate on so many levels. 

Post # 45
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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Speck_:  You are so on point you made me do a happy dance. There is so much missing of the point in this thread that I cannot even.

View original reply
meg89:  He sounds like your garden variety, casually-misogynistic douchebro. Only you can decide if that’s something you’re willing to overlook.

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