(Closed) Is this totally creepy or not a big deal?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - City Hall NYC

When I was younger, around 17ish I had a bf who had a huge crush on his cousin.  He never out right said it but it was so obvious.  She was adopted so I guess he felt she didnt really count as family?  He carried her school picture in his wallet.  It was so super creepy. 

Post # 47
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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annd2015:  I’m sorry that you were the butt of those jokes and that they hurt you so.  I wasn’t saying your opinion is wrong, but I don’t think every situation is so black and white that we are to automatically jump to the conclusion that this guy is an asshole whose objectifying his cousin and not recognizing her and her gf as a real relationship.  That’s a lot to assume from just one blanket statement. 

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Speck_:  I’m sure there are very few straight or homosexual people who are dying to hear anyone’s opinion of their love lives. I know several people in the LGBT community who wouldn’t bat an eye at this.  We also don’t know the relationship these two (SO and cousin) have.  It doesn’t seem like the cousin is really that upset over it.  

I’m sorry, but it’s my opinion that this isn’t a big deal and I think it’s crazy that you all have the OP contemplating leaving a man over a statement about 2 women being a male fantasy.  I think the bigger issue here is that the OP is so insecure with herself (or her relationship) that she’s admitted to being jealous over the fact that her SO thinks his cousin is pretty. 

I think Channing Tatum is hot.  I thought the Magic Mike movie was hilarious.  Am I now labeled as an asshole who objectifies men and believes they are only here for me to gawk over?  If so, that’s utterly ridiculous.       

Post # 48
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m clearly in the minority here but I think I might let this slide.

Firstly, I think it’s quite possible to know objectively that your cousin is attractive without actually being attracted to her. 

 Secondly, it’s very difficult to form a proper opinion without knowing him or the context in which he made the statement. For example, a lot of posters commented that he objectifies women- but we women sometimes do that ourselves. Is it impossible that one of them made a comment like “We went to xyz bar and people bought us drinks all night long, so much fun” to which he repsonded as he did? 

I think if you’re upset you should have a proper chat with him about this and see how he responds. Base how you proceed on that. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  katherine31.
Post # 49
5085 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

With just the information given, I’m inclined to think that he was just thinking that he was being funny pointing out a common male porn fantasy. I don’t think that we can jump to the conclusion that he’s an asshole or that OP should leave him. We don’t know the relationship between the two third-cousins. Maybe they regularly make crude jokes with eachother, it doesn’t sound like the cousin was all that offended by the comment. Now if he regularly was making comments about the cousin or about lesbian fantasies, that would be different, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. 

Post # 50
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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princessbee1991:  +10000 Yes, yes, yes. 

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meg89:  I personally would never, ever be with someone who would make those comments, in front of me or not, to anyone. I just hate that. I am so lucky my DH keeps any sexual thoughts to himself. it is so disrespectful. Im not asking him to not have those thoughts, but I ask him to keep them in his head. I also hate when people get overly feminist, but this is sexualizing women & lesbian relationships even more. As if the lesbian porno fantasy isnt already well known, he has to add to it by being an ass. If you want the type of person who will say these things, keep him. if not, dont. there is a lot more to a person than those comments, but personally I couldnt deal with them being said, but thats just me. 

Post # 51
1034 posts
Bumble bee

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meg89:  Yes, you should leave him. Not because he made some dumb comment to his cousin (you should hear the crap my family says to each other!), but because you are not only insecure with yourself, you had to come to a online forum and ask if you should leave him. 

You left a lot out of the story, which makes it really easy for the bees to jump to the conclusion YOU WANT. 

Post # 52
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard

I don’t see an issue. I probably would’ve told her the same thing! Lol


Post # 53
555 posts
Busy bee

I don’t see the big deal. I have told my brother before that I’m sure a lot of girls wanna jump his bones immediately (because he’s goodlooking and I think I told him that when he bought a new suit) and I don’t have ANY fantasies about my brother. My husband makes even makes sex jokes with his parents. I think if you have a really relaxed and open relationship with a sibling or another family member you can say stuff like that. 

Post # 54
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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meg89:  The fantasy part isn’t weird but it is CRAZY SEXIST AND HOMOPHOBIC to fetishize two gay women for his fucking straight dude porn fantasies. THAT’s the fucked up part. Like, would he go up to his straight cousin and tell him he could see his Girlfriend in POV porn? NO.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  Syzygy88.

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