(Closed) Is this unusual?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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crashbee :  Calm your tone or you will be banned. 

 

Also, who cares if it is unusual. Not everyone has to have the same wedding.

Post # 17
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I find it to be super unusual – but that’s just my experience. It seems really tacky? I’m all about the DIY backyard BYO wedding or the full blown open bar type of wedding. The middle ground thing is confusing to me. A wedding reception is akin to a party. People stay a while. Hang out. A one drink limit and one piece of cake pretty much feels like the exact opposite. Will the bar turn into a cash bar after their deposit runs out to facilitate a longer event? Do they want people to get thirsty and leave after 20 minutes? I’d try to get a bit more information from your partner as he sounds like the one who will be in the know. Give it a chance and follow his lead on the gift as it’s his friends. I’d probably go and just not worry and not expect much as a way of supporting your partner – unless you think he’ll just be hanging out with his friends and you won’t be missed (in which case I’d make my excuses and not attend). 

Post # 18
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

It wouldn’t be acceptable in my circle/where I am from to have an evening wedding without dinner.  I also don’t think it’s right to not invite a groomsman’s fiance to the ceremony.  Imagine if you had to travel for this – you’d be on your own all day and alone for dinner.  

Post # 19
Member
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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crashbee :  I do find it a bit odd to not have dinner, at least to the people attending the ceremony/bridal party. That would be a long time without food.

 

Post # 20
Member
6369 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

We get posts all the time asking if something is weird or unusual, so I don’t see why people are giving you flack about asking that.

However, it’s pretty obvious from your OP that you are judging this couple. You can’t just say “no judgement” when it’s very clear that that’s exactly what you’re doing. 

Post # 24
Member
7800 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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zzar45 :  Because a wedding to me is one event. The ceremony AND reception should not be separated into who is more deserving of attending what. If you don’t care enough about me to attend the ceremony, that’s fine, but don’t invite me to “celebrate” on my own fucking dime afterwards. It looks like a total gift grab to just invite someone to the reception. This is, of course, based on only my own experiences. Anyways, what I think is rude is terribly common elsewhere lol. 

Post # 26
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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crashbee :  

Bee, I am as confused as you. Minus (if I’m being picky-picky) you starting with your saying you are not a fan of the bride or groom (which isn’t important to your question) and asking whether this should reflect the amount of gift you give (irrelevant too to your original question), I have read your post twice and I not see the judgmental attitude some of the other bees have seen. If you remove those two things.

Over and over on the Bee people say “have the wedding you can afford” as long as you can “properly afford to host your guests.”  I would be caught off-guard by a night reception without food and rather a drink and a piece of cake, after not having been to the ceremony. I don’t think of this as a reception, rather a congratulatory get-together. That’s just me. Maybe it is normal in some circles, as some have said it is. But minus your two tiny slips (above), I don’t see why you are getting such feedback for asking this question if it’s unusual. That, I believe, was the point of your original post.

On a side note, attend if it what your boyfriend would want and you don’t mind, but let him make the decision and provide what he feels is an appropriate gift, as it’s his friend.

Post # 27
Member
3020 posts
Sugar bee

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crashbee :  Personally, I feel that if your Fiance is in the wedding as a groomsman, you should be invited to the ceremony too. It’s rude to exclude you from the ceremony; you’re engaged, and this will make coordinating travel for the two of you difficult (Do you drive separate? Do you sit ashore and wait for the ceremony to be over and the reception to start so you can board the boat?). 

Also, the reception comes off as a total gift grab, especially since they’re not even feeding you. Let your Fiance worry about choosing and purchasing the gift. 

Post # 28
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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crashbee :  Ok . 

Post # 29
Member
827 posts
Busy bee

Whether it’s unusual in general I don’t know but it’s definitely unusual where I’m from (southern midwest US). I’ve never heard of anyone doing this and I would think its very rude. Your invite specifically I wouldn’t look at as a gift grab because your fiance is already going to the ceremony and you would, presumably, give a gift together but yea if I was just invited a reception then I would look at it as a gift grab. 

Post # 30
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Closing this thread now. 

The topic ‘Is this unusual?’ is closed to new replies.

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