(Closed) Is this violent / physical abuse ?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8331 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I guess I’m a little confused…did he actually pull you out of the car or he just said he was going to…?

Post # 4
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If he pulled you out of the car like that in ANGER, then YES.

And over something so small?  Yikes.

Post # 5
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

So are you planning on having kids? Is this how he is going to act with his kids when they act “childish”? Yes, I do agree with him, you were acting childish, but his excuse is that if you act childish, this gives him a reason to be hurtful towards you? That isn’t right, and needs to be discused.

Post # 6
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

Any time someone puts their hands on you in anger and without your consent or against your will– it could be classified as physical violence. THAT SAID: it sounds like y’all need to reevaluate your maturity levels and responses in the relationship. He shouldn’t have pulled you out of the car, period. 

Post # 7
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Not only is it not okay what he did, but I’m also concerned about the maturity with which you are both approaching your relationship, your decisions, and each other. It doesn’t sound from this account like this relationship is healthy for either of you and I’d caution you against getting married (to him or anyone) until you deal with these issues. You are absolutely right that he shouldn’t have laid a hand on you.

Post # 10
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, you may have been acting childish, but no behaviour, ever, is an excuse for violence. If, however, he had apologised to you afterwards, and admitted it was wrong (e.g. “I’m sorry I did that to you, you really pissed me off with your behaviour, but it was still wrong of me to do it.”), then it would be okay. But from your post, it sounds as though not only will he not apologise, he can’t even see that what he did was wrong and is putting the blame on you. That is true abusive behaviour – trying to make you feel guilty for his actions.

Post # 11
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Awe sweetie, I’m sorry. My answer is that no one has the right to put their hands on you in anger for any reason. I don’t care how “childish” you might have been acting.

I think you’ve already answered your question though : “I told him this was not acceptable, even my behaviour was childish, but I dont agree with any man especially as my husband to lay hand on me violently….I told him if this happens again, I wouldnt live as that” You’ve drawn a line in the sand so to speak. Now the ball is in his court.

Post # 12
Member
9672 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m not voting.  Both of you are so wrong.  Are you sure either of you are mature enough to really be contemplating marriage?  It’s not a fairytale, you know.  I don’t mean to sound harsh and apologize if I am, but seriously?  You’re demanding he send out email STD now for a wedding scheduled for 2014?  And you’re failing courses?  And when he tries to encourage you to better yourself you throw a temper tantrum like a child?  I think he let you off easy, personally.  (Not that I condone violence but dang, girl, your behavior would make an angel curse.)

Please stop behaving like this.  If you love this man, treat him with respect and respect yourself as well.  Get an education, first and foremost.  If you want to get married you need to learn to behave like an adult.  I wish you all the best.

Edit:  Saw your comment about not wanting anyone to tell you to “behave maturely.”  That is very telling.

Um, sorry, this is a public forum and you can’t tell people how to respond. 

I’m the FIRST one to jump on it if a man is behaving violently.  What he did was blow a fuse over your pushing him to the max.  He was wrong but you were just as wrong.  You have to take responsibility for your own behavior.  He didn’t pull you out of the car, he threatened to.  You are trying to make him look bad to rationalize your own bad behavior.  Stop turning it around on him.  There are men who are REALLY VIOLENT!!!  Your man, by your own admission, is NOT.  Don’t cry wolf, that ticks me off.  I have been a victim of real violence and abuse.  You admit he is a kind and calm person.  Your behavior was obnoxious.  And, just so you know, your age has zero to do with your level of maturity.

Post # 14
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mrsSonthebeach:  I couldn’t have said it better.

Post # 15
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Sunfire:  I retract my previous statement – this is more in my line of thinking.

 

Get your grades up.  Stop throwing tantrums.  Talk to him maturely.

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