Post # 1
We had an argument last week. I wanted my FH to send an email out to everyone as STD for our wedding. He disagreed because he wanted me to finish one of my course first (I stupied part-time, working full time, and failed the subject last time), and we were on the way to buy stationery for me. I do sometimes act like a kid, so I told him that I wouldnt study until he sent the email out. It repeated couple times, and I know that he was quite furious.
He stoped the car at the front of the shop, and told me to get out of the car and buy the stationery otherwise he will PULL ME OUT OF THE CAR. I know that he WAS about to do so, and he actually hurted me a little bit, and I was literally didnt know what to do, especially that was in the car park. So I agreed with him, that was the first time he actually did anything physicallly violent toward me.
So, when we got him, I told him this was not acceptable, even my behaviour was childish, but I dont agree with any man especially as my husband to lay hand on me violently.
He told me that “wasnt violent”, and because I acted childishly, so he needed to treat me that way. I know that he was furious, there was some of my fault, but in no way, a man can be violent. But his excuse was that it wasnt violent.
Now, I told him if this happens again, I wouldnt live as that, but he took no apology what so ever, and told me if I acted childish again, he would do it again.
So, what should I do if this happened again.
Post # 3
I guess I’m a little confused…did he actually pull you out of the car or he just said he was going to…?
Post # 4
If he pulled you out of the car like that in ANGER, then YES.
And over something so small? Yikes.
Post # 5
So are you planning on having kids? Is this how he is going to act with his kids when they act “childish”? Yes, I do agree with him, you were acting childish, but his excuse is that if you act childish, this gives him a reason to be hurtful towards you? That isn’t right, and needs to be discused.
Post # 6
Any time someone puts their hands on you in anger and without your consent or against your will– it could be classified as physical violence. THAT SAID: it sounds like y’all need to reevaluate your maturity levels and responses in the relationship. He shouldn’t have pulled you out of the car, period.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Not only is it not okay what he did, but I’m also concerned about the maturity with which you are both approaching your relationship, your decisions, and each other. It doesn’t sound from this account like this relationship is healthy for either of you and I’d caution you against getting married (to him or anyone) until you deal with these issues. You are absolutely right that he shouldn’t have laid a hand on you.
Post # 8
He pulled me out of the car a little bit, so if I didnt get out of the car by myself, I think that he would pull me out of the car against my will.
I have to say, he has never disrespected me until last week in anyway, and this is not his general behaviour at all (he’s a very kind and gentle guy), but I think he thinks that it is not violent to pull a girl out of a car.
Post # 9
@mrsSonthebeach: we are both mature, I’m 26, when we get married I will be 28, and he’s 33, so no maturity comment here please. Each to their own, my personality is quite childish, not with normal friends, but I do with FH.
Post # 10
Yeah, you may have been acting childish, but no behaviour, ever, is an excuse for violence. If, however, he had apologised to you afterwards, and admitted it was wrong (e.g. “I’m sorry I did that to you, you really pissed me off with your behaviour, but it was still wrong of me to do it.”), then it would be okay. But from your post, it sounds as though not only will he not apologise, he can’t even see that what he did was wrong and is putting the blame on you. That is true abusive behaviour – trying to make you feel guilty for his actions.
Post # 11
Awe sweetie, I’m sorry. My answer is that no one has the right to put their hands on you in anger for any reason. I don’t care how “childish” you might have been acting.
I think you’ve already answered your question though : “I told him this was not acceptable, even my behaviour was childish, but I dont agree with any man especially as my husband to lay hand on me violently….I told him if this happens again, I wouldnt live as that” You’ve drawn a line in the sand so to speak. Now the ball is in his court.
Post # 12
I’m not voting. Both of you are so wrong. Are you sure either of you are mature enough to really be contemplating marriage? It’s not a fairytale, you know. I don’t mean to sound harsh and apologize if I am, but seriously? You’re demanding he send out email STD now for a wedding scheduled for 2014? And you’re failing courses? And when he tries to encourage you to better yourself you throw a temper tantrum like a child? I think he let you off easy, personally. (Not that I condone violence but dang, girl, your behavior would make an angel curse.)
Please stop behaving like this. If you love this man, treat him with respect and respect yourself as well. Get an education, first and foremost. If you want to get married you need to learn to behave like an adult. I wish you all the best.
Edit: Saw your comment about not wanting anyone to tell you to “behave maturely.” That is very telling.
Um, sorry, this is a public forum and you can’t tell people how to respond.
I’m the FIRST one to jump on it if a man is behaving violently. What he did was blow a fuse over your pushing him to the max. He was wrong but you were just as wrong. You have to take responsibility for your own behavior. He didn’t pull you out of the car, he threatened to. You are trying to make him look bad to rationalize your own bad behavior. Stop turning it around on him. There are men who are REALLY VIOLENT!!! Your man, by your own admission, is NOT. Don’t cry wolf, that ticks me off. I have been a victim of real violence and abuse. You admit he is a kind and calm person. Your behavior was obnoxious. And, just so you know, your age has zero to do with your level of maturity.
Post # 13
I just dont understand why he didnt get it??? It’s such a small thing, but it is an important to me, he doesnt he acknowledged it. Now I know my behaviour, I would sometimes act childish, but in no way I would hurt him or someone. He also told me that because I acted as a child, so he needed to treat me as a child.
That was also led to another argument between us, I said dont ever pull the kid out of the car likes that. For me, in no way, it’s ok to do so, EVEN WITH A KID.
I do need to talk with him again, but I couldnt win over his head. So, please help me to make my point to make him understand that “IT IS NOT OK TO DO SO”, EVEN WITH A KID, ESPECIALL YOUR FW.
Post # 14
@mrsSonthebeach: I couldn’t have said it better.
Post # 15
@Sunfire: I retract my previous statement – this is more in my line of thinking.
Get your grades up. Stop throwing tantrums. Talk to him maturely.
Post # 16
I have finished my degree and already working almost 5 years, study an international professional course (3 years study) part time, while working full time in my profession. I failed one subject in 6 (this is the last one) because we moved hourse last time. So it’s not that I dont have an education or something. The wedding is 2 years away, but I do want to send it early because it is a destination wedding. So, it isn’t too early to do so.