(Closed) Is this weird?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think its really their decision who they spend their holidays with, they probably decided to always spend holidays with her family since she barely gets to see thehm during the year. However if they always inconvience you by creating their own holiday a week before or after, I can understand how that will get tedious after a while. But I would just politely say, that you’d love to be there but have plans and ignore any fuss that they make about it

Post # 4
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Don’t allow them to make you have an extra night with them if you don’t want to. 

Generally holidays are shared between families however I agree with the above post that it’s their decision.  I can understand your family being put out by that though. 

Post # 5
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I would say it is strange that they don’t spend ANY of the Holidays with your family but that is their decision not yours. What I do not find right is that they expect the rest of your family to make arrangements to accomodate their wishes. They should not feel entitled to you being available when they want you to be and they should not make a fuss when it doesn’t happen that way.

I would say next time they suggest a day to hold a holiday and it does not work with your schedule, suggest another date or time that you would be available to celebrate with them. If that does not work then don’t get too worked up if they are mad. Not everyone has unlimited time or days off to celebrate on a non-holiday date.

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I see where you’re coming from. My sister has an “expectation” that we’ll all be available whenever she, my Brother-In-Law and their kids are available for family gatherings. It really gets under my skin. There’s no general email with a “what dates is everyone available” type consideration, it’s just “We’re doing ____ on ______, you’re there or you’re not”. Lovely. Thanks a lot. I have to bite my tongue around them a lot. 

It would be nice of your brother and his wife to maybe alternate between families on holidays, but I can see their side of the coin on that one too. Maybe next time cut to the chase before they do and send out an email or call everyone and propose a couple of dates that might work for everyone.

Post # 8
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I totally get how it would be frustrating that they make you change your plans around to accomodate them. Especially if it happens regularly. That’s not fair to the rest of you.

I know that my Fiance and I spend more holidays with my family, but to us there is  good reasoning behind it. My grandparents are getting quite old and my grandma only cooks for christmas and thanksgiving, and those are the meals my family grew up dreaming about (she’s an amazing cook). She gets really excited about cooking for us on those occasions and because we don’t live in the same city as them, it’s a big deal to be able to be there for the holidays. I know that it may seem weird to my FI’s family, but we want to be with my grandparents as often as we can. That said though, we would never make everyone else rearrange their schedules, we just come later in the evening.

Post # 9
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Do they EXPECT you to, or do they simply ask you to and say that they’d miss you over the holidays? 

If they didn’t like you, they certainly wouldn’t be suggesting to meet.  You said there is less drama around when they’re not there and I think they probably feel the same way and that’s why thye don’t come.

Post # 10
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m coming from the same situation. My FH and I live 3 hours away from our entire families (siblings, parents, aunts and uncles- everyone). We only get a limited amount of time to go home each holiday season. As much as it sucks, if people want to be with us, they have to work around our schedule. We can’t just stay in town one day. And while everyone else can pop in, or do other things, they only get to see us about once every two months. We don’t like living this far away, but my FH is in law school here and we don’t really have a choice. We’d like to see everyone as much as we can, and it’s easier if everyone is there at once. 

They shouldn’t make too big of a fuss about it, but it’s really frustrating to live so far away and miss out on so much, and then when you are home, have everyone tell you that “they’re busy.” The people that live far away just want to see you, and they want to feel like they’re still included.

Post # 12
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

My husband’s family does random holidays.  He’s a cop, and his sister is a nurse, so they’re not often both off on the actual days, and we have to be shared sometimes with my family and sister’s FI’s family.  It works out well enough for us… but it never occurred to me that his parents might feel like their kids only want to get together “on their schedule”.

If they took your schedule more into account would it still bother you?

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