Post # 1
Member
35 posts
Newbee
Ok Mamas and Mamas-to-Be (And any other Wise Bees)…
I need your perspective because I don’t have kids yet so I can’t understand like y’all can.
Here’s the situation:
My Brother-In-Law and SIL live about an hour away from us and have an 11-month-old baby. The whole family is super excited for the baby’s first Christmas. My Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law are even flying out from another state.
So, last night my hubs tells me that the Brother-In-Law and SIL are going to go away to their cabin for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day by themselves with the baby. Alone. Sans us, Mother-In-Law, Father-In-Law, etc. They made these plans after they knew the In-laws were coming out.
Umm, ok?!? I don’t mind missing the baby’s first Christmas that much. I am perfectly content to celebrate with my family and husband to be honest. But I am really heartbroken for my In-laws who are coming out especially for the occasion and now won’t get to see him until the 26th or after.
So, this is where you come in. I can’t understand why they would want to exclude family (especially the grandparents!!) from such an exciting occasion. Does this seem normal to you? Would you/are you/did you do something similar? Why or why not?
Post # 3
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I think it’s weird to exclude yourselves COMPLETELY. Was celebrating that morning not an option, then going to the extended family celebration in the afternoon?
I don’t know that an 11-month old baby REALLY gets that it’s Christmas anyways! And it seems terribly rude, knowing that family was flying in AND is excited.
I could never do it–I’d feel terribly rude and selfish. Christmas is a family event; i can understand wanting some immediate family alone time, but this feels a little drastic
You should make a rule: no presents unless you COME to Christmas! 
Post # 4
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
I think that the holidays can become stressful at times, especially when tons of family are around. Sometimes you just want some privacy and want to really soak up the moment without people around making it chaotic. I wouldn’t take it personal.
Edit: The fact that family are flying in just for this kind of changes it a bit. They could at least do x-mas dinner with them.
Post # 5
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
i agree with ejs – i think this is rude and selfish of your bil and sil. holidays are supposed to be about coming together as a family in my opinion. i could understand if they wanted some alone time, like opening presents by themselves in the morning or something, but this seems extreme. i would not be happy.
Post # 6
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@OP, are they hiding out for Christmas Morning or for ALL of Christmas Day?
I can understand wanting privacy Christmas Morning (like your poll suggests) but i got the impression it was an all-day hide out.
Post # 7
Member
35 posts
Newbee
@ejs4y8: It’s all day…like all day Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. They say they’ll be coming back to town on the 26th. Boooo!
Post # 8
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
That’s pretty rude, particularly to the grandparents. I totally understand when people want their kids to have Christmas morning in their own home so they aren’t willing to travel.. but if people are traveling for the sole purpose of seeing you it’s pretty selfish to just shut them out.
Post # 9
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
I think it’s selfish, especially if the in-laws are flying in. That’s actually just plain rude. This kind of thing is unheard of my family. It would be understandable if they wanted one day to themselves because the holidays can be stressful, but to exclude everyone from Christmas eve and Christmas is sort of mean!
Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
Yeah that seems weird. We all spend the morning with our own little family then the siblings all bring their kids together for christmas dinner. I can’t imagine ducking out town knowing people are flying in. Seems a little harsh. but it’s not like the kid will remember it at all, and maybe by next year they’ll have loosened up a bit.
Post # 11
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
I actually think it is a wonderful thing! I actually told my husband that this will be the LAST Christmas that we are going to spend at home because if we are not here then we are not expected to be EVERYWHERE else with EVERYBODY else! Trying to make plans that suit everybody is impossible & then it ends up that people do not get to enjoy their holiday. I don’t think it is selfish at all. Think about if you are in their shoes…. wouldn’t it be wonderful to experience your first family Christmas the way you want. Nope! I think it is selfish for people not to understand what they are doing & why.
I say Good For Them!!!!
Post # 12
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
I wouldn’t think it was weird IF they had made the plans before the grandparents. I have no children, but I am having my first Christmas married, and my husband wants to do a little private celebration/tradition thing without my family (I got this year because we spent Christmas week on a cruise with his family last year). HOWEVER, if someone was going out of their way to come see us I would have to say, “I’m sorry, honey, its just not right to treat someone like that.”
Post # 13
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
I’m with farmgirl. If this had been their plan from the beginning, one they could have shared with the in-laws to possibly impact their travel plans, then fine. As it is, it’s rude. If they want some alone time as a nuclear family, do it before or after since the baby doesn’t know what day Christmas is anyway. Just my 2 cents.
Post # 14
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
I mean, I see their point, but they could have given more notice so the in-laws didnt arrange travel plans for nothing. Darling Husband and I love our privacy. Our little one will be about 5 months old next Christmas, and I plan to spend it just our family. We can see the rest of the family in the days after. Maybe thats just us though
Post # 15
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
I can see them wanting the alone time with just their little family, but since they know the in-laws are specifically coming out to spend Christmas with their first grandchild, I think it would be nice to be able to accomodate them for a bit of time at least one of the two days. But, that’s just me…
Post # 16
Member
19 posts
Newbee
My little one is 18 months, last year was our first Christmas. I understand and see the desire to have Christmas morning together as a seperate family. BUT not excluding the family for the holiday. Time needs to be spent with the family, even a few hours. Whether the parents like it or not, the baby is part of the entire family and socially the baby has a real need and will continue to have a need for the whole family.
