(Closed) Is this weird behaviour or just me?

posted 4 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I encourage my FI to speak with his mother about this?

    Yes

    No, it's not your place

  • Post # 2
    Member
    8998 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @thegingerbride  I think you’re reading too much into it. Honestly, I don’t understand the need to “announce” everything these days, as opposed to just talking to people. I also don’t get being irritated with people who get engaged after dating a shorter amount of time, comparing presents and gifts, or counting how other people spend their money. You’re engaged — enjoy it on it’s own without comparing youself with other people. There will always be people who seem to have more (whether they do or not) and people who seem to have less (whether they do or not). Congratulations and best wishes.

    ETA: It sucks if his family favors his brother, but if that’s the way it has always been, that’s the way it will always be. If your fiance is uncomfortable with it, it’s up to him to address. You will not be able to change his family dynamic.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5019 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I get the jealousy going on here but don’t think anyone needs to discuss things with your future inlaws.  The fact is, you have been with your SO for 7 years and as you said, have already built a life together.  They probably don’t view you as dependents needing a leg up like your future brother inlaw.  You guys have your shit together!  That’s a good thing.  And on your wedding day your marriage will be celebrated and acknowledged by many.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2730 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    @thegingerbride  We went through something slightly similar with our inlaws when we got engaged. My Brother-In-Law had gotten engaged the previous year and had their wedding a month after we got engaged. When they were engaged my in laws made such a huge fuss about it. They threw a party, made a huge emotional toast at dinner, cried and congratulated them like it was the greatest thing in the world. When we got engaged, they seemed to barely care. For a while it really, really bothered me. I kept thinking “Do they just like (SIL) better than me? Are they not happy (DH) is marrying me??”

    Recently, it was explained to me why the reactions were so different. First, we had been together for 7 years also so our engagement was no surprise, more of a “finally”, expected event. Brother-In-Law and SIL had only dated a couple years, Brother-In-Law was older and still living at home (in his 30’s) and….. this is going to sound horrible but….. Brother-In-Law is not the easiest to get along with. He’s got a temper and is very opinionated and difficult. My in laws were excited that A) He would finally be out of their hair and B) He actually found someone willing to marry him. Their engagement was a pleasant surprise while ours was expected. It didn’t mean they were happier for them than us but they had also just gone through all the hoopla of their engagement and preparing for their wedding when we announced our engagement. I’m sure part of their lack of enthusiasm was “Welp, got another wedding to plan for next year now” lol.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2849 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    Whats most annoying is that they are allowing you guys to pay for their room while they are paying for his brothers room… wtf!!

    Post # 8
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    It is weird behavior, and following this situation/outcome, they are showing you their true colours. Seems like when you say it’s a secret, we want to tell others, the Future Mother-In-Law toes that boundary and sneakily crosses over it. Next time, treat them just the same as anyone else because clearly they don’t follow through with requests like “we want to tell others ourselves.” 

    Post # 9
    Member
    4234 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I mean, I get why you might feel shafted, but I really don’t know what way you could possibly approach his mom: “Hey mom, eventhough I’m 30, live on my own and can afford to pay for my own wedding, why didn’t you buy me a present?”

    Post # 10
    Member
    1604 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m sorry, his parents found out their son was engaged on the internet?   Man, that must hurt.     

    Post # 11
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think it’s really strange that they routinely google him. Like wha?

    Post # 12
    Member
    524 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    View original reply
    @kamurp Could have Google alerts set up. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    928 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    You are spending way too much time comparing the relationship your fiancé’s parents have with him to the relationship they have with his brother. Try minding your own business and enjoying your engagement? 

    Post # 15
    Member
    9480 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    your wedding is in 6 months and FIs parents are paying form FI’s brother’s hotel room.

    but FI’s brother doesn’t have a date set,  how do you know that FI’s parents won’t pay for your hotel room when their wedding comes?

     

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