(Closed) Is this weird? Help! (Kind of long…)

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hmm…it does seem weird but I feel like we’d all need to know more back story to make a judgment call.  Maybe she’s trying to fix things but doesn’t know how?

Have you actually received the gift or do you just know she bought it? 

If you’ve received it or when you do, a thank you written at that time on how thoughtful she is and your gratitude for the cups/toaster/shower curtain/what-have-you is all that’s really required.  In true Miss Manners style, you could thank her for her thoughtfulness for the gift celebrating the “beginning of your marriage” rather than writing it as though it were a wedding gift.  It makes you the bigger person and whatever odd things are going through her head can stay in there lol.

If she’s being strange and is just trying to get an invite out of you, don’t worry about it.  Your wedding is in a month, invites were already sent, and that is that.  Nothing you could do about it even if she asked ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Do you see her on a regular basis because of your mutual friends?  Or do you hang with with your friends and she’s not there?  If you see her regularly and hang out together and all your friends and her friends are invited to your wedding, she may not have realized she’s NOT invited (it’s possible!).

I agree with @qui40067 – once you receive the gift, just send her a thank you stating how generous she is and how much you appreciate the gift, etc, etc.  You don’t need to say anything beyond that or do any “Thanks but you’re not invited, you know that right?”  ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 5
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

Agree with above…just send a very nice thank-you and only mention how much you appreciate the gift.

I do think this IS odd though!!!

Post # 6
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m confused on how you know it was her who bought you the gift? I had a C&B registry too, and I didn’t think you could see who bought the gift for you…

I also think it’s her trying to make ammends with you, but she just doesn’t know how to do it. Maybe she’s realizing that you’ve moved completely on from the friendship, and she’s just not ready to let you go yet. It’s definitely weird thought that she’s buying you a wedding gift when you both agreed to let the past go and move forward without each other in your lives!

Post # 7
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

maybe it’s an olive branch thing. don’t invite her though, but do thank her when it arrives. I like qui’s miss manners style advice.

Post # 8
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It sounds like it was a major misunderstanding and she wants to move forward with the relationship.  I guess the question is – do you want a relationship with her now?  Or, are you over it and ready to move on with your life?

It doesn’t sound like you do want a relationship with her – and, if that’s the case, then a simple, “thank you for your thoughtful gift” type message would be appropriate.  No need to mention the wedding or the failed friendship.

Could it be that she is trying to make amends for the past and perhaps really has missed you and the friendship you once had?  Perhaps this is the way she’s extending an olive branch in hopes to reconnect with you.

Post # 9
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, just thank her for the gift and how much you appreciate it and leave it at that.  You don’t have to bring up the wedding at all.

Post # 10
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I would send a thank you note and thats that. She maybe just wanted to be nice.

Post # 11
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just because she buys you a gift doesn’t mean you have to send her an invite.  Send her thank you when you receive the gift and let it be.  Chances are, her plans are to bring the gift to the wedding… meaning if she doesn’t get an invite to the wedding then she has nowhere to take the gift to, meaning she will probably return it.

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