Post # 1
I was divorced when my children were 12 and 18. My son went off to college but my daughter, now 16, lives with me full-time and visits her father every other weekend. I remarried this July. My current husband, then boyfriend, came into my daughter’s life shortly after the divorce. By the end of that year she’d turned 13 and we sold his house and he moved in with us.
My ex has never met him and I find this odd. If my daughter were living with her father, or even if he had a steady woman who was around my daughter when she would stay with her father, I’d want to meet her. This is not meant in an unfriendly way, but to me it’s the same as knowing who my daughter hangs around with. I would think it would be especially important to my ex to want to meet a man who was living in the same house with his daughter.
My ex and I haven’t spoken since the day of the divorce after 25 years of marriage. Despite the fact that we have 2 children, he has made it as contentious as possible even though the divorce occurred without outside influences like cheating etc. He was incredibly controlling, passive-aggressive and emotionally abusive and I couldn’t take it anymore. He never realized that his feelings aside, this would be easier for the children if we could still speak at least civilly to each other. So is it normal for him to never want to meet the man his daughter is living with? In My Humble Opinion, he’s a ball-less wonder for not meeting him.
Post # 3
I’m of two sides of this here. DH has said that if his ex got remarried, he would want to meet the man his son would be living with, no question.
OTOH, I have been with him 5 years, and have never met his ex. She has never expressed a desire to meet me, and I really don’t want to meet her. We’ve communicated in notes, and she has been standing right there when I talk to SS on the phone, so I’ve heard her voice, but that’s it.
I’m not sure that there IS a normal in this situation, and maybe if your daughter had been a smaller child, things would have been different. I’m willing to bet that your ex as asked about him when your daughter visits, and he must feel that’s enough.
As long as your daughter’s relationship with him isn’t suffering, I wouldn’t spend anymore time worrying about it.
Post # 4
@lorie: I think it’s normal to want to have a casual relationship with your ex’s SO/Wife/Fiancee for the sake of the children. I mean in a “Can’t we all just get along” way.
he doesn’t seem to be that fun to be around though so i’m not sure it’d be a pleasant experience for your husband. you wouldn’t want him to make passive agressive comments and make the whole situation Awkward.
SO and I have always said we’d be like the show “all of us” if we ever separated/divorced. Lol.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s abnormal for your ex not to want to meet your current husband. In fact, I think you should be glad that your ex is staying out of it rather than getting all up in your business. My youngest brother is 12 and neither of parents have ever met each other’s SO’s and both are totally okay with that.
Post # 6
With older kids I don’t think it is such a big deal to not want to meet a SO of your ex. If the person were a jerk your daughter is old enough to say something. If she were younger then it would be a different story.
Post # 7
I think it’s a matter of personal preference and opinon.
It sounds like he doesn’t want anything to do with you or your SO, and I’d say that that’s not THAT uncommon, no.