Post # 1
Okay… I’m quietly freaking out right now. I think I have a bad case of cold feet. At least I’m hoping that’s all it is, otherwise I’m in serious trouble.
I was always super keen for my partner and I to get engaged. I researched rings, venues, dresses, etc before we even got engaged. We finally got engaged, after 9 years together and much prodding from me. I was excited for the first few months while we did some research on vendor options. Last month we booked a venue and I guess that’s made it real to me, cos now we have an actual date and it’s really happening, in just 5 months.
Problem is… I find myself being REALLY annoyed by my fiancé almost all the time. And I’m fantasising about running away with other men. One guy in particular, actually… I keep thinking, is my fiancé really someone I can spend the rest of my life with? REALLY? Am I sure there isn’t a better match out there? Am I just staying because I’ve invested 9 years and a cat in this relationship?
Are these feelings others have had? Is it just normal cold feet? Or do you think it’s something a bit different… Please help! I don’t want to throw away our relationship over nothing, but I also dont want to get married now just to get divorced later.
Post # 3
@foxydiamond: Well, do you think you’d be feeling this way if you weren’t about to get married? Any inkling of this feeling before you got engaged? If not then it’s probably cold feet.
For me, I have been 3000% sure about FI since the day I met him. I fought hard to be with him (it’s a long story) and I’m not the kind of girl who chases guys. He’s the only man I’ve ever persued in my entire life and I couldn’t just let it go because I was SO damn sure he’s the one. But a week or so ago I started to realize…we have no money saved, haven’t bought rings or a dress and we’re supposed to get married in 4 1/2 months. (This is not such a problem, we’re having a courthouse wedding) That time frame hit me like a ton of bricks. Omg.
I have never been interested in other guys since the day I met FI. And now all the sudden I see some guy and think “Am I really sure about FI?” But then I go home and FI is there, like he always is. And he hugs me and I still get that same fantabulous feeling I always did. And I remember why I love him and why he IS the one.
Post # 4
jadlnc, I don’t think I would be feeling like this if the whole wedding thing wasn’t happening. I think the idea of marriage is what’s freaking me out. I always used to say I’d never get married, but then I met this man and my feelings on the matter changed. Now I’ve reverted back to my old thinking a bit.
I also persued my partner heavily. I find myself thinking now, don’t I want someone who is more of a take charge go-getter? I think you’re right, these are things I’m likely only thinking because of the wedding and wouldn’t be an issue if marriage wasn’t coming up.
I think I’ll try to focus on all the things I love about him and why I said yes to marrying him. It’s just so damn scary, this getting married thing.
Post # 5
@foxydiamond: It’s totally scary! It sounds like you’ve got cold feet though. I would embrace it and talk about your worries with your partner.
I would try push this other guy out of your life if possible. Comparing your relationship to another is never good.
Post # 6
This is (without a doubt) cold feet. I had a brief moment not long after I got engaged where I started to wonder the same things. I think that since our wedding is something that most of us dream about for so long, that when it becomes reality it becomes terrifying. Think about all the reasons why you wanted to marry this man in the first place – and stay far away from that other guy while you’re having these thoughts. The grass always seems greener on the other side, but it’s not You’ll feel better soon sweetie. Big hugs!
Post # 7
@foxydiamond: You’ve been together for 9 years, do you live together? If so for how long?
Post # 8
@jadlnc: AWWWW i love your post! The end is so special and so true! I can relate to it on certain levels! The ending paragraph was so sweet! Best of luck! *hugz*
Post # 9
@jadlnc: We’ve lived together for 6 of those 9 years. So we’ve basically been living as though we were already married for a while.
I’m doing my best to ignore thoughts of this other guy and pay more attention to my fiancé. He and I had a good day today doing wedding planning. Made me feel closer to him.
It’s reassuring to see others say they’ve gone through a similar thing and that it’s just cold feet!
Post # 10
@foxydiamond: See? There you go, being married won’t really change anything. I think if anything this other guy is a subconscious way to distract yourself from a little wedding stress and maybe the hum-drum of having been in a relationship for 9 years. But at the end of the day you can come back to your guy and remember why you love him and why you want to spend your life with him. Cold feet and it will pass 🙂
Post # 11
i woke up a few mornings after we got engaged and looked at my sleeping fiance and thought, is this it, is this who i really wanted to spend the rest of my life with. and the answer is absolutely YES. i did not get thoughts of wanting to run away with someone else.