Post # 1
Ok so my husband (not husband to be, Husband), was asked at the last minute to be a groomsman for a friend’s wedding that we were initially invited to as guests. The dates were all screwed up (I’m in the military) and my leave does not cover the rehersal dinner etc. My husbands solution is to drive there 5 hours away and then back to come get me to attend the ceremony when I get off from work.
I dont like this idea or the whole thing. The people getting married already have 3 kids and are going for the whole groomsman bridal party shabang. I think thats ridiculous but had no contest attending.
If this is run like a traditional ceremony and reception it means I will be alone throughout the whole thing. I would never do that to him and think this is unfair and he should find a way to say no. I feel badly because he is excited but on the other end of the spectrum I am completely upset and unsettled by this.
Any thoughts or suggestions on what to do?
Post # 3
@christinaarocks: Are you sure you would be separated from him the whole time? Alot of weddings today have the wedding party sit with their dates so you’d really only be separated during the ceremony.
Post # 4
Honey, if he’s excited to be a part of it, I think you’re just going to have to suck it up. On the flip, if you had been a bridesmaid, he would be all alone.
Traditional reception – are you saying that the bridal party wouldn’t get to eat with their spouses?
Post # 5
What does their having kids have to do with them wanting bridesmaids and groomsmen in their wedding?
I’ve been to several weddings where Boyfriend or Best Friend was a groomsman and I was a guest (and the head table doesn’t include the wedding party’s dates). Yeah, it sucks that you’re alone at first (especially if you don’t know any of the other guests), but you won’t be alone the whole night. At the reception everyone usually ends up getting up and dancing and moving around anyway.
Post # 6
Ususally in a traditional wedding the bridal and groom party sit at a head table with the bride and groom (eat at head table) , are escorted to the reception with the party, and do pictures and stuff after the ceremony with them.
The icing on the cake was that he wasnt asked to do this originally; that he was asked to 3 weeks prior to the wedding and wasnt thought of as a groomsman in the first place. If he had been I would have coordinated with my unit appropriately; allowing for the extra 10 hours of driving to not occur.
Post # 7
The only thing that bothers me about what you wrote is that he has to drive 5 hours there and back (10 hours in a car!) in one day. If he’s ok with that and excited to be a part of their day…then let him have that. It’s inconvenient for sure and last minute to boot, but he must have said yes for a reason! Unless you know for sure they are having a head table, you will likely sit with hubby and have a great night of dinner, drinks and dancing!
Post # 8
I say get over it. To please you, he would have to drop out of the wedding party. They have obviously already had some last changes to deal with.
Your Darling Husband willl only be occupied during the ceremony and perhaps may have to sit at the headtable or a bridal party table,( and you don’t even know yet- you might be sitting with him), then he will be free to dance with you.
You could choose to look at the bright side and see this as as a great little getaway.
Perhaps I am unrealistically independent, because I wouldn’t have him drive back for me either. I would either drive myself and meet him there, or take a bus, train, plane etc.
Post # 9
I think he should either skip rehearsal and drive with you, or fly there and you drive, or you fly in. IMO it is just too much to drive 15 hours in one weekend.
Post # 10
I couldn’t tell from your post, are you saying married men shouldn’t be groomsmen? I think it’s pretty common. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a Bridal Party table at a wedding though.
Anyway, I’d try to find my own transportation and show up with a smile.
Post # 11
@julies1949: I don’t think you’re “unrealistically independent”– I’d do the same thing!
Post # 12
@julies1949: Agree with everything you said!
Post # 13
@julies1949: We are a one-car family as of right now. I offered to take a bus train etc or have him go take bus train etc. I also offered for him to go alone and just leave me home for the days off I practically had to beg for and he did not want that. I am fine with meeting and being around new people I just think that asking 3 weeks prior is a bit absurd.
I dont see this as a nice getaway for a number of reasons. I am on leave not doing things I would prefer to do–point blank. I feel that I and he dont mean enough to these people to be given important things such as details.
I am obviously indipendent because it took alot of time blood,sweat,tears and being separated from my family to begin with to get to my career.
I’m not saying that married men shouldnt be groomsmen just that the situation comes off as downright rude.
Post # 14
Why can’t he go without you? if your going to sit by yourself anyway? Or can’t you drive there after you get off work?
Post # 15
@HisIrishPrincess: Tried that; didnt work
Post # 16
@christinaarocks: I agree that the last minuteness is rude. I think you just need to follow DHs lead, though. If he feels he needs to honor his commitment and wants you to be there, I would suggest going along with it!