Post # 1
Im starting to look into what i may want to do as a Hen Party (UK Bee) but i cant seem to settle on one singular event. This is mostly because i would love a good typical night out at bars and dancing, but i know this sort of event wont appeal to my sister, my mum, Future Mother-In-Law and Aunts ect. My sister has a lot of anxiety issues and crowded places have never been her thing, but i also dont want to just throw her in with the older relatives just because of that.
Would it be acceptable to have maybe two events, one thats a night out with friends with lots of dancing, and one thats quieter like a spa day or an afternoon tea?
I think i feel guilty because last year i was Maid/Matron of Honor and she said she wanted to do the same thing, and i was burnt out and due to her sisters pregnancy the idea of the “family” hen got abandoned and i just dropped the ball and didnt sort other ideas, and her mum ended up organizing it.
I feel like its being bratty but my sister means the world to me so i dont want to exclude her from any of it.
Any help is greatly appreciated
Post # 2
I would not make two days of it unless everyone is good with that. You could very easily have a relaxing pampering morning, a nice dinner, and then go out that night. That way people could come to the portions they’re comfortable with. Is it normal in your circle for aunts and mothers to come to the bachelorette party? That would have made me uncomfortable.
Post # 3
I did an evening out and a spa day but not with the same people (I had the evening out with my friends, and the spa day with my mum and aunt).
I think it makes sense to do things with people they would like but I wouldn’t expect anyone to go to (and bear the cost of) both.
Post # 4
FutureMrsBex : Thank you, that could definitely work although i wasn’t intending them to be the same day or weekend. I had thought for the night out we could go to a different city ( i live in the sticks with 2 pubs haha) and then the relaxing spa day would be another day shortly before/after. It all depends, ive been to some where mums ect have been, but there’s no way id want my mum, Future Mother-In-Law or anyone like that for a night out, but also i want them to have an event to enjoy and something we can all do to enjoy each others company. We don’t have any other pre wedding events so if i didn’t have something for them then they wouldn’t have anything at all, which i think my mum would feel sad about.
shanmia : Thank you! nice to hear someone has done something similar. I definitely wouldn’t expect the same people to do both, its more like one is for friends one is for family.
Post # 5
idontevenknow : in that case, yes makes total sense (to me anyway)!
Post # 6
It’s totally and normal and acceptable to do that in the UK. Literally every person I know who has had a hen do has had more than one facet to it. It’s not expected that every person attends every activity, but it means that there will likely be something that appeals to everyone at some point.
Also the majority of ones I’ve been invited to have been across more than one day.
This has largely been to accommodate for older relatives (mothers, aunts, grandmothers etc), as in my circle at least it is normal for these people to be involved in some way.
So yes, totally ok!
Post # 7
princessmiaofgenovia : Thank you so much for the support! Its such a relief. <3
Post # 8
In the US bachelorette parties are for friends and showers are for mothers, aunts, etc. Are showers common in your area?
Post # 9
FutureMrsBex : I think this is probably the best way to go about this. In fact, in my social circle, this is pretty much how we handle birthdays and other similar events Around here, trying to get everyone together in the same place at the same time is like herding cats because of work and other social obligations. But, none of us want to miss out on celebrating with our friends! So, the person who is celebrating or organizing the celebration will make a Facebook event with an itinerary (for example, one such event coming up in May is starting with museums, then a nice dinner, then a stand-up comedy show, then a pub) so that friends can pick and choose which portions of the day best suit their availability and budget, and attend those. We still get to celebrateand spend time with our loved ones, without the obligation of significantly overspending or any hard feelings for either party about missing out on some part. Sometimes the organizer will add polls in the event for people to rsvp to specific portions for planning purposes, other times they’re more like “eh, show up to whichever, we’ll be at such-and-such place at such-and-such time.”
Post # 10
If you are not planning on having the same people at both then I can’t see the problem. If you are then I’d do both on the same day which is what I’m doing, so people can choose which bit they come to.
I am not entirely sure it’s completely normal for everyone in the UK to have 2 hens… I have never known anyone do this. I did know someone who did 3 but she was mad.
As long as you are considerate, and you do sound as if you are being – then go for it! xx
Post # 11
I’m not big on your stereotypical bachelorette or hen parties or on the need for multiple pre-wedding events at all, but as long as there is no overlap on the guest list if separate groups want to take you out there no reason you can’t agree to a nice spa day etc. What you can’t do is plan the thing unless you are also hosting it.
Post # 12
AnonBee2019 : We dont have showers here at all, its just not the done thing. Even baby showers are deemed very American and its odd to see people having one. I guess they just havent caught on yet!
echeverianprincess : This does seem like a good idea, but due to where i live there is nowhere local enough that would cater to it all. For a good night out itd be traveling an hour or so away, so i wouldnt want to make my mum and fmil travel all that way just for a meal or something. It also feels a bit like theyre getting the more standard part of a celebration without actually having a fuss of them too.
jillsgills : Fab thank you! I know a few who have ghad two but only really when theyve had one abroad, and then also had one locally for people who couldnt go abroad.
weddingmaven : Im never too sure on what “hosting” it means. Itd be more of a message going out saying “lets go to this place for drinks ect and have fun” and if people want to come then they can, but no one is obligated to. I dont exactly want it to be a steryotypical hen do, it jsut seems like everyone loves an excuse to go out and meet up again so if i didnt have one it would be a bit of a shame.
Post # 13
idontevenknow : I think it is acceptable to have as many pre-wedding events that are thrown for you. Personally, it sounds like you may be planning both of your hens do. If your girls want to through you one for you and them great! If you want a relaxing spa day with your family great! But no need to call it a pre-wedding event as, honestly, that usually implies gifts or everyone treating the bride to the day so throwing multiple day events for yourself would come off as tacky.
ETA: I see you are still unclear about what hosting means. It refers to who is organizing and planning the event. If you say “hey lets go out of town to have drinks and celebrate b/c I’m getting married” then YOU are the one hosting. It is in bad form because pre-wedding events are typically gift-giving or treats for the bride. So you are essentially saying: “Come out for drinks in my honor which you will probably feel obligated to pay for + make a fuss of”
Post # 14
somathemagical : I think this must be a cultural thing, because in the UK there is no pre wedding event designed to get gifts at all, we dont do gifts over here haha, and im more than happy to pay my own share, its just not a situation where i have anyone i think that will have the time to plan me one, but lots of people are asking about attending one. Any and all “pre wedding events” are designed purely to get together and celebrate. Its basically seen more as an excuse to go do something nice and out the ordinary.
Post # 15
Id have an afternoon tea etc. With the family members and then a night out with friends. Two of the same events with different people is totally fine.