Post # 17
An engagement ring isn’t about money spent, it’s just how a guy says “I plan to marry you in the near future.” If she likes the heirloom ring and wants to wear it, and he gives it to her as an engagement ring, I don’t see the problem. Even if he had tons of money, I could see wanting the heirloom ring instead of a new ring, due to its significance of having been worn by past family members, especially if they had long happy marriages.
Post # 18
I absolutely love the idea of heirloom pieces, no matter what side of the family it comes from. Granted, it is important that the ring fits the style that you like. We had two family engagement rings that we could have used (one from each side), but both were much smaller stone that Fiance and I wanted. We ended up buying a 1920s piece that used to be someone else’s heirloom instead 🙂
Post # 19
I don’t like people spending a lot of money on me. My ring, when the time comes, will most likely be under 2k and not a diamond. I never expect my boyfriend to pay for me, and I always appreciate whe he does. It would be awesome if my family had a 2 carat diamond for me to use, and I would gladly accept it. I wouldn’t be upset if my boyfriend wanted to get the ring completely on his own, but I feel like he would also love to have the option of an heirloom diamond! I know his biggest desire is to support me and our future family, so if we can save some up front then that’s great.
Post # 22
I would not be ok with my family buying a stone or ring for my fiance to give to me. But that isn’t because he should be the one to pony up, it’s because I’ve been financially independant for years and the idea of taking something that expensive from them is uncomfortable. I would have been happy to chip in if I had needed to though.
That said I would’ve used my grandmother’s ring in an heartbeat had it been available. (It was stolen from her 40 years ago.) The idea of turning down a beautiful and meaningful heirloom just to force him to spend money on me is absurd.
Post # 23
Just to be clear — I totally understand if a diamond comes from some one that was close to the bride’s family – AND THE BRIDE SPECIFICALLY SAYS it’s important to me to wear “mom/grandma’s” ring. In fact I said that at the end of the post.
I’m asking for opinions on the matter because maybe the way I felt is totally not the norm? That’s the reason I’m looking for inupt on this. I love my grandma, and I will wear her diamond as a necklace, but I wanted a ring that was totally my own. (I understand that is personal preference)
But now what I think what is really coloring my view is my friend’s finace being a total jerk. I know i didn’t give lots of background, and it’s not my place too, but lets just say her entire circle of friend is very concerned about this guy. We were all horrifed when she agreed to marry him.
When the ring thing came up, and I found out it was basically her family providing the ring (Understand this is not some “special heirloom diamond” it was just a stone in the family OR what it appears is going to happy the bride’s family is just going to buy the stone/ring outright) It didn’t really surpise any of her friends that he didn’t even bother to get her a ring and just figured he’d leave it up to her family – again.
(they have bought them a house, pay for her car, and countless other things. (FFIL gave him a job even) Worst? My friend has secretly been giving him money so he can pay his child support. ugh.)
Her parents are not fans of this guy, but can see if they oppose it too much it just drives her to him more or she defends him. So they just want her to be happy and have a nice ring. I get their motivation, they love their daughter, I’m just very frustrtaed with HIM. I had wondered if this “ring thing” could be the final straw – but of course not. I do wonder if it might be a good way to try one last time to broach the subject of him not being the best choice for her. (We have ALL tried to tak to her about him over time, but anyone who has pushed to hard has only found themselves cut off or she stops being honest with them about what’s going on.)
Post # 24
My ring is my grandmother’s engagement ring, and we chose to use that ring because my Fiance is a graduate student and we didn’t want to spend our money on something that we already had and was completely beautiful. I don’t think you would call my mathematician Fiance who is in the middle of writing a dissertation a deadbeat (not that you are, I’m just saying circumstances are different for everyone) just becuase he didn’t buy me a ring and used one that I already had.
I actually think the practice of giving the groom’s heirloom to the bride is weird, why would I get something over my FI’s sisters or cousins?
Post # 25
My center stone will be one of my mother’s diamonds, with a halo of tiny diamonds from my aunt (her sister). The side stones of my ring will be from my SO’s family (his grandmother and great grandmother).
He is not cheap. He knows I love family history and connections, as well as antique stones. All of my stones are from maternal family, and we will pass them down to our children. (one day he will buy me my “own” diamond as an anniversary ring, whenever we pass mine on).
In truth, I wanted one of my grandmother’s diamonds, but they had already been split up into the family, so my mother gave me the diamond she got when I was born.
I didn’t want my SO to pay for something we really could not afford, which would have been a new diamond. WHen his family offered the first 2 stones, and my family gave the 3rd, it seemed too right not to do.
the jewelry really doesn’t matter though, as long as he’s the man i marry.
Post # 26
I’ve never even considered that the heirloom has to come from the groom’s side. How ridiculous!
Post # 27
My opinion on the matter is pretty much the opposite of yours. I would actually be pretty frustrated if my Fiance turned down a perfectly good heirloom stone and spent several thousand bucks of what is going to be our money after the wedding to buy a different stone. Since I know that he’s not a deadbeat, I don’t need him to prove to me that he can supply a piece of jewelry worth a small fortune with his own money. His ability to afford lavish gifts for me isn’t why I’m marrying him. FI and I are both practical people, and we have joint financial goals and responibilities that are much more important than a sparkly stone.
Post # 28
I haven’t read all the posts, because I’ve got to get going, but I wanted to share my experience and thoughts. My mother inherited her grandmother’s diamond solitaire e-ring and when my mother passed, she passed it to me. We discussed that it could someday be used in my e-ring or in another piece of jewelry. I always intended to use this stone in my e-ring. When my fiance brought up rings he told me that his mom had offered him his grandmother’s e-ring. We took both rings to a family jewler who made a design to combine the rings, basically putting my solitaire as the center stone in his grandmother’s setting. I absolutely adore my ring. I love the history. I love that it’s antique and unusual in this day and age. But above all I love that I have a piece of both sides of the family on my hand. You can’t buy that sentimentality.
In my case we chose heirlooms because of sentimental reasons. My fiance could have easily afforded to buy me new, but I didn’t want that. But I’m also a practical person, and I don’t really know what else I would have done with a diamond solitaire and if we can avoid spending lots of money, why not?
So, to me, heirlooms from either side of the family are a great way to be connected to your family and show acceptance of the relationship by the family. I don’t really see a big difference between one side or the other, personally. I want both sides to be supportive, and I like connection to both sides and the history for both sides, so they both work for me.
That being said, I would think it was really weird for either sets of parents to buy a new diamond for an e-ring. That I don’t get.
Post # 29
@MirnaMinkoff: Ironically, to me, it makes more sense for an heirloom ring to come from the brides family. So it stays in the same family. I would be leary of giving my precious family heirloom to my son’s fiance. If they break up will she give it back? I would be upset if she didn’t. That’s just how I see it. No matter where the heirloom comes from the current potential groom had nothing to do with paying for it.
Post # 30
My fiance gave my my grandmother’s ring that was given to him when he asked permission to marry me. A deadbeat he is not…
Post # 31
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
agreed! Itd be a nicer sentiment since itd be from the brides.own family