(Closed) Is waiting to tell people after 12 weeks a new thing?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

No, it’s very normal to wait until you feel comfortable sharing the news. The only thing that isn’t normal is your family’s reactions.

Post # 3
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Sounds more like your parents are a bit off? Saying your baby would think you’re ashamed of it as a way of trying to shame you for not telling them earlier is out of line. And weird.

I can’t speak to 20 years ago, but it was a ‘thing’ 10 years ago when my friends started getting pregnant.

Post # 4
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Geez – how about if your mothers just lay the fuck off???  They did what they wanted to do, and now you get to do what you want to do.  They don’t sound like fun people to be around.

Post # 5
Member
3008 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s doubtful your mothers would have found out at only 4 weeks. Being able to find out so early with an at-home test IS fairly recent.

Post # 6
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

All my life I’ve never heard of someone I know being pregnant that early. I can’t know if they told their mothers though, but definitely not people outside of very close family. It’s not new, probably just depends on how your circles do it.

Post # 7
Member
6945 posts
Busy Beekeeper

When I was pregnant 20 years ago it absolutely was a thing–pretty much nobody announced publicly until after 12 weeks and after my mother refused to keep the news under her hat with baby #1 she learned about the next two later than the first.

Your mothers sound a tad nutso and way too in your business  

 

Post # 8
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

It’s not a new thing.

Post # 9
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I wonder if maybe you telling them why completely caught them off guard and made them uncomfortable.  And the things they said weren’t very thought through.

I’m also thinking that my mom and grandmas especially wouldn’t have known for like 4- 6 weeks probably back in their child bearing years.  And I know my mom once waited to miss two periods before getting tested because she was caught off guard how far along she really was.  So it is fairly new for people to know so early anyway, right? 

Also, perhaps, miscarriage is still not something talked about much in previous generations.  I think that’s why women my age seem to be more willing to talk about theirs and share their experiences.  Because they don’t want to keep up the image that it’s so unheard of.  But I think that talking about it so publicly would be unusual for people my mom’s age and older.  So I’m not sure how “new” the 12 week wait thing is, but I don’t think their reasons make any sense for your baby being embarrassed.  that kind of made me laugh.  

Also, just personally, I don’t think I’d want to feel like I had to wait to tell people…but I can totally understand why many women do.  That’s totally up to you.  So as long as it’s what you want and not just because you think you’re “supposed to”, then your family also needs to respect that.

Congratulations by the way 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
6431 posts
Bee Keeper

newbie1123 :  I told my mom right away, but my Mother-In-Law didn’t know until I was 2 months along.  I ended up miscarrying my second pregnancy, so your worry is very valid.  Y’alls parents could calm down though

Post # 11
Member
47280 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s not at all new. The thinking was that you didn’t want to share the good news until after the first trimester, because of the risk of miscarriage. It never really made sense because if you did miscarry, you would want support and understanding from those closest to you.

Post # 12
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yes it was absolutely a thing 20+ years ago. 

The only ones who get to decide on when to tell about the pregnancy are the ones that made the baby. Everyone else does not get a say. It think you’d better set boundries early on with both of them from the looks of it. Cause seems like they will railroad all of your decisions as a new family. 

Post # 13
Member
3113 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

15% of young healthy women miscarry, and choosing when you want to announce is totally your choice. We told some close family and friends before 12 weeks because we felt comfortable enough with the idea of telling them if we miscarried, others we woulnd’t have felt comfortable sharing that kind of news with. I can only assume how hard it must be on a couple to have to keep reliving the pain by telling people over and over, so it’s not personal but simply out of protecting themselves. 

Oh and I insisted my parents not tell anyone else and they did anyway, so next time around I probably would keep it under wraps until after 12 weeks. It was just new and exciting for us!

Post # 14
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

 

It’s not a new thing. Your moms sound obnoxious. 

Post # 15
Member
1661 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

newbie1123 :  No it’s certainly not a new thing… My FI’s mom is the one who told us about that ‘rule’ and Fiance is 26 now.

It’s just one of those unspoken things really IMO. I’ve always just assumed that most people do this. 

I’d wait. A girl I went to high school with announced (on FB) that she was pregnant with triplets at only 6 weeks and she miscarried. Was pretty awful to watch that unfold on FB. 

The topic ‘Is waiting to tell people after 12 weeks a new thing?’ is closed to new replies.

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