Post # 1
My Darling Husband and I told our families this weekend that I am 8 weeks pregnant and although they were super happy and excited our mothers seemed a little annoyed. They asked why we didn’t tell them right away (we’ve known since 4 weeks) and why we aren’t telling anyone else until 12 weeks. When we brought up the higher risk of miscarriage they both were like “You can’t think about that and you’ll jinx it if you do and it won’t happen cause you’re young and healthy” whereas I know realistically it can still happen even though I’m young and healthy. I’ve known people it’s happened to and I know it can be very difficult which is why Darling Husband and I decided to wait til 12 weeks because if something were to happen we’d wanna deal with it more personally. Our mothers even went as far as to say what would our baby think and it looks like we’re ashamed even though we shouldn’t be. They said they told everyone asap when they were pregnant and that’s what everyone did when they were younger. I’m just wondering if waiting til 12 weeks is like a newer thing for expectant parents to do? Did the 12 week risk factor not exist 20 years ago?
Post # 2
No, it’s very normal to wait until you feel comfortable sharing the news. The only thing that isn’t normal is your family’s reactions.
Post # 3
Sounds more like your parents are a bit off? Saying your baby would think you’re ashamed of it as a way of trying to shame you for not telling them earlier is out of line. And weird.
I can’t speak to 20 years ago, but it was a ‘thing’ 10 years ago when my friends started getting pregnant.
Post # 4
Geez – how about if your mothers just lay the fuck off??? They did what they wanted to do, and now you get to do what you want to do. They don’t sound like fun people to be around.
Post # 5
It’s doubtful your mothers would have found out at only 4 weeks. Being able to find out so early with an at-home test IS fairly recent.
Post # 6
All my life I’ve never heard of someone I know being pregnant that early. I can’t know if they told their mothers though, but definitely not people outside of very close family. It’s not new, probably just depends on how your circles do it.
Post # 7
When I was pregnant 20 years ago it absolutely was a thing–pretty much nobody announced publicly until after 12 weeks and after my mother refused to keep the news under her hat with baby #1 she learned about the next two later than the first.
Your mothers sound a tad nutso and way too in your business
Post # 9
I wonder if maybe you telling them why completely caught them off guard and made them uncomfortable. And the things they said weren’t very thought through.
I’m also thinking that my mom and grandmas especially wouldn’t have known for like 4- 6 weeks probably back in their child bearing years. And I know my mom once waited to miss two periods before getting tested because she was caught off guard how far along she really was. So it is fairly new for people to know so early anyway, right?
Also, perhaps, miscarriage is still not something talked about much in previous generations. I think that’s why women my age seem to be more willing to talk about theirs and share their experiences. Because they don’t want to keep up the image that it’s so unheard of. But I think that talking about it so publicly would be unusual for people my mom’s age and older. So I’m not sure how “new” the 12 week wait thing is, but I don’t think their reasons make any sense for your baby being embarrassed. that kind of made me laugh.
Also, just personally, I don’t think I’d want to feel like I had to wait to tell people…but I can totally understand why many women do. That’s totally up to you. So as long as it’s what you want and not just because you think you’re “supposed to”, then your family also needs to respect that.
Congratulations by the way 🙂
Post # 10
newbie1123 : I told my mom right away, but my Mother-In-Law didn’t know until I was 2 months along. I ended up miscarrying my second pregnancy, so your worry is very valid. Y’alls parents could calm down though
Post # 11
It’s not at all new. The thinking was that you didn’t want to share the good news until after the first trimester, because of the risk of miscarriage. It never really made sense because if you did miscarry, you would want support and understanding from those closest to you.
Post # 12
Yes it was absolutely a thing 20+ years ago.
The only ones who get to decide on when to tell about the pregnancy are the ones that made the baby. Everyone else does not get a say. It think you’d better set boundries early on with both of them from the looks of it. Cause seems like they will railroad all of your decisions as a new family.
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
15% of young healthy women miscarry, and choosing when you want to announce is totally your choice. We told some close family and friends before 12 weeks because we felt comfortable enough with the idea of telling them if we miscarried, others we woulnd’t have felt comfortable sharing that kind of news with. I can only assume how hard it must be on a couple to have to keep reliving the pain by telling people over and over, so it’s not personal but simply out of protecting themselves.
Oh and I insisted my parents not tell anyone else and they did anyway, so next time around I probably would keep it under wraps until after 12 weeks. It was just new and exciting for us!
Post # 14
It’s not a new thing. Your moms sound obnoxious.
Post # 15
newbie1123 : No it’s certainly not a new thing… My FI’s mom is the one who told us about that ‘rule’ and Fiance is 26 now.
It’s just one of those unspoken things really IMO. I’ve always just assumed that most people do this.
I’d wait. A girl I went to high school with announced (on FB) that she was pregnant with triplets at only 6 weeks and she miscarried. Was pretty awful to watch that unfold on FB.