(Closed) Is waiting to tell people after 12 weeks a new thing?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 46
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

End if first trimester is standard in my world. I told bff day 1 of found out. I told family at end of 1st trimester, because there are no secrets in a big Italian family .  I waited until 5 months at work, but at 6′ tall and plus sized…I could get away with it. I was up for a promotion and did not want my pregnancy to be in the mix. 

Post # 47
2967 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

btob17 :  omg. I myself am not saying it’s shameful. I’m saying that the 12 week rule can impose that kind of mentality on society in general. I’ve done research too and read countless blogs and articles. I know everyone handles it differently. I’ve heard/read the insensitive comments that come from being open about it and being private about it. Again, im not telling anyone to do this or that. Again, It’s  personal decision. Again, there is no right or wrong. I’m simply stating a point of view from both sides of the situation. I can understand why someone would choose to keep it private. I can also understand why someone would choose to be open about it. You do what works for you. 

Post # 48
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It totally was a thing long ago, though they couldn’t do home tests as early as we now can.

As someone who had a miscarriage and subsequently went on to get very sick from complications around that pregnancy, I’m of two minds about it. 

I think it’s most important to wait until YOU are comfortable sharing the news. If that’s earlier or later than 12 weeks, that’s no ones business but your own. 

People are usually waiting to share the news because of miscarriage. But, I think every baby is a blessing (though I’m not religious). I think it’s a blessing to be given the gift of life even if you don’t carry to term. Ideally, that’s what would happen, but just being a “mom” for a short while is still more than some women get and it should be cherished and celebrated. If you were to miscarry, you’ll need support. 

In a perfect world I think women would wait until they’re ready to share and if it’s before 12 weeks, they should be sure tell people who will love and support them through a loss. If that includes everyone they know, more power to them.


Post # 49
12492 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

lilchicana :  

“not new, but i think it’s a rule that a lot of people are choosing not to follow now. i think waiting until 12 weeks “just in case” implies that a miscarriage is something to be ashamed of and that’s why a lot of women are more open about their pregnancies/miscarriages. and also, bad things can happen at any stage of pregnancy, so you are never completely in the clear anyway.” 

You said that you think waiting implies that there is something to be ashamed of, so I can see why someone would interpret that statement as judgmental. From your later comments, I think you probably just misspoke. 

But I can’t agree that waiting suggests shameful thoughts about miscarriage to society at large. I think it’s common knowledge why some women wait. Before this thread, I’ve never in my life heard anyone suggest this view. 

I also think that nine months is a very long time for casual friends, co-workers and  acquaintances to have to hear about every pregnancy update, whether  on social media or in real life. I also think that it’s tough enough to go through a miscarriage without having to deal with lots of well meaning people’s comments. The fact that people treated me normally was very helpful to my own recovery from a miscarriage. As you say, there is no right or wrong, but personally, I’m not a fan of early announcements. 

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