Post # 1
Returned after a short hiatus when my train of thought led me back here, and I have noticed something even more now than before.
A LOT of bees on here are very nasty, judgemental and non-supportive. And I’m not talking about my personal encounters right now.
Now, I agree some people need a reality check and open themselves to advice and opinions on their posts, but that doesn’t warrant some of the things I’ve been reading even in the last 24 hours. No matter what their situation is, there is no need for bees to be telling each other to grow up, calling names and trying to sneakily throw barbs at each other under the pretense of (barely) sounding polite. We all have different opinions and tastes. There is no reason why we can’t be constructive and give loving support/encouragement, or at the very least some mild impassive words of wisdom (or better yet, don’t respond if you have nothing nice to say!). I’m definitely not the type of person who’s all rainbows and daisies by any means, but reading pages and pages of destructive comments from other bees made me have to say something.
Do you really think a person’s post NEEDS you to say that they are incapable of handling a relationship? Do you think when someone is hurting and they turn to what they thought was a circle of trust they want to be told to suck it up or have you downplay the situation? No. It really seems like some people on here log in just to throw 2 cents of shade because they’re in a bad mood that day. I don’t care if the poster just cheated on her husband or vice versa, it’s obviously horrible and not a single one of us is perfect, but that doesn’t mean you can be queen of the roost and go to town on them. Tough love-yes, sometimes. I think all of us whether guilty of this or not would benefit from a half second to really consider if what we’re about to speak needs to be said, and said in that way. I’ve seen so many posts of bees ganging up on another, or arguing for pages just because someone misinterpreted something and they feel the need to defend some inconsequential remark til their dying breath. I mean jeez!!
So please, ladies. Be considerate if not friendly. It may or may not help, but it won’t hurt.
Post # 2
lurkingladybee: I very nearly posted my own thread about the same thing, but ironically, didn’t want to open myself up to attack. I’ve noticed a lot of threads end up with unwarranted name calling and personal attacks; sometimes with nothing to do with the original post.
They jump to assumptions and make unjust statements seemingly out of thin air.
I’ve noticed a couple of names are repeat offenders who call their advice “honest ” and “direct” instead of mean and nasty. There is always a way to say anything honestly and with tact and kindness.
Post # 3
dodobee: Exactly. I know there are plenty who feel the same and have tried to bring it to light before. Sometimes it feels exactly like mean girls in high school and that’s not what this site is about. Honestly the posts I see that genuinely ask for help with wedding things aren’t getting as many-if any-responses and interest as the over the top horrible stories. When did we become so obsessed with personal drama and tragedy? Can we stop dragging out those topics for 15 pages of “omg I’m so sorry” and start paying a little more attention to the vendor reccs and galleries that are yet to get a response? THIS IS WEDDINGBEE with a side of other stuff, not the other way around!
Post # 4
I must not read enough threads because from what I have seen 90% of the comments seem very genuine and kind. Sometimes I see people who are more direct than I would be, but we all have differnet personalities, so I am okay with that. Very rarely do I see posts that seem hateful or rude. Maybe I am just not seeing what you are seeing.
Post # 5
Octoamour: I meant to include a disclaimer: Obviously there is a ton of love and support on here. I’m just saying in the future it’d be nice for people to keep this in mind and reduce the amount of hate and negativity that does exist. I’m ok with the diff personalities and directness, it’s when it goes past what’s necessary and strays into hurtful territory that bothers me. That’s all.
Post # 6
Seriously, why do people post this? Do you really think it’s going to revolutionize the site?
We aren’t a community of your best girlfriends. We’re a bunch of faceless Internet strangers who don’t know you from joe blow on the street. If you want to be told you’re perfect, and every decision you make is right, you should ask advice from the people IRL who love you and genuinely care about your feelings. Posting things online opens you up to criticism. Plain and simple. Complaining about that fact won’t change it. Some people are just blunt, and are genuinely still trying to help. Some people believe in tough love. Some people are assholes. But it’s the Internet. So either accept that you are going to get a variety of answers, some of which you won’t like, or don’t post. There is no middle ground.
If someone is being offensive, or bullying, then report their post to the mods. If you only want to talk about weddings, then only read those posts, or find a site where talking about other things is banned.
But you aren’t our mommy or our police officer, so I can guarantee that this is going to a)get shut down and b) fall on deaf ears, just like every other ‘play nice kids” post.
Post # 7
saratiara2: I am not trying to threadjack, but where do people get profile pics like yours? It is very cute!
Post # 8
Life is going to be tough, OP.
Post # 9
I agree completely and wanted to add: just wait for the rude replies claiming you’re a hypocrite.. Because I notice them on these kinds of posts. But to me the difference is that you’re not singling out any one person to make them feel bad but the people who feel the NEED to go out of their way to add their snarky comment back at you are singling you out, as if that will Change your perspective or make themselves feel better.. Sometimes I think people get a high off of seeing the thumbs up, and blunt comments tend to get them
Post # 10
I got blown off the face of weddingbee over one of my threads, mostly because nobody would read my updates and were judging solely off of my first couple posts. That being said, I don’t really care what a stranger has to say about my personal character. I know I am a decent, good, human being. Even if I cheated on my husband (LOL was distracted and started writing “even if I cheated on myself”) I know I am still a great person in every other aspect of my life. A few mistakes here and there don’t define the person. I don’t let things bother me simply because of that. With everything terrible going on in the world right now, are a bunch of meanies on a forum really your biggest concern???
Post # 11
lurkingladybee: I agree it’s a shame that a lot of bees are as you described, but just like I’m not interested in everyone’s opinions IRL I hardly expect to be interested in everyone’s opinions on an Internet forum. I’m very much of the belief that not all opinions are created equally. I only look for advice or perspectives from people who I respect, who prove thoughtful, objective, kind, who challenge me, who have rounded views etc. The bees are useful for getting general opinions or getting a feel for how a majority might react e.g. “would you be offended if I didn’t invite you to…” but otherwise you’re going to have to do a lot of “sorting the wheat from the chaff.” If youre easily offended or not able to easily disregard the sort of opinions and feedback that don’t matter to you then I’d definitely steer clear of posting in any Internet forum!
Post # 12
Life is too short to care about the opinions of strangers on the Internet.
Post # 13
Care to post some examples?
Post # 14
lurkingladybee: Yay, this has been a long overdue thread.
Post # 15
I hadn’t noticed, clearly I’m reading the right threads! I only see the odd snarky comment but I skim over those as they’re flooded by all of the other well meaning posts.