Post # 47
@Dell79: It’s interesting because I never imagined that I would be the bridezilla type that eventually would break down into tears over planning a wedding and being so stressed out that I’d just want to elope. I’m usually fairly calm and collected!
I did okay in the year leading up to our wedding (which we planned ourselves), but in the final 3 weeks I cried almost every day to the point that DH had to take over most of the wedding tasks! I couldn’t have done it without him.
Now, granted, funnily enough, your question is whether or not outside stress is part of why women get so stressed/emotional over wedding planning. We were shopping for/buying our house while planning our wedding, and at one point, we couldn’t agree on what house to buy. (This was my only post in the “emotional” boards) Soooo, it’s possible that outside factors will contribute!
Post # 48
Here’s my issue with wedding planning: my bridesmaids are too involved in their own lives to care (3 of them are single and 1 has a new baby). And, the people who do care, like our mothers, have too many opinions on what we should/shouldn’t do.
So, while wedding planning should be fun, I’m stressed out because there’s no happy in between with the people in my life. It’s either too much or two little and it leaves me feeling disappointed most of the time.
I’m hoping as we get closer and get involved in the shower and bachelorette party that things will change. But I’m prepared to be disappointed with all of that too. All I know is that on our wedding day, I won’t be disappointed. I’ll be married to the love of my life and we’ll finally get to see our joint vision come together.
Post # 49
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I think it depends on a lot of factors. I am a planner by nature, so, overall, planning was fun for me. We also surround ourselves with people who tend to be drama-free because they are the kind of people that we get along with. It helped that we are in our 30s and had already established clear boundaries with family and friends before getting engaged. For example, my Mother knew not to open her mouth unless I specifically asked for her opinion. Plus we were paying for everything wedding-related that mattered to us, so ours were the only opinions that counted, and we didn’t have to get anyone’s permission when we made a decision. basically, planning with our ideas and our money, and keeping the needs and comfort of our guests front and center throughout the process, led to a smooth planning process and all relationships fully intact at the end.
Edit: As to the question about outside stress, I think it affected very little of my planning. In the year that we planned the wedding I lead a high profile, very political project, dealt with the deaths of 3 dear relatives (one of whom died 7 days before the wedding), watched my extended family tear itself apart, and went through the hell of house hunting. Other than the death of my Pop Pop 7 days before the wedding, not one of these things really changed my wedding planning experience. If anything, wedding planning was a highlight in an otherwise really stressful year.
Post # 50
Well by easiest time i mean with the planning. obviously family can be stressful. Ok let me rephrase that as “impossible budget” that when you have already cut costs down in every possible area and the absolute top of your venue budget is 1500 and only if that includes all tables and chairs. And 99% of ALL venues give me a price tag of ATLEAST 3-5k venue ONLY. Then YES. If I wasn’t on this strict of a budget. Then I could just pick the place i am in love with for 3k and all would be simple. But I am on a strict budget and i can’t just cut 2k from somewhere else.
If i hear one more venue think they can get away with charging me 4k dollars to JUST use their building for 6 hours i’m going to flip a lid.
Post # 51
I think it is what you make of it. The right shade of yellow, a Bridesmaid or Best Man answering my calls and what kind of paper my menus are made of is not the hill I want to die on. I think I am lucky though because I am paying for the whole thing myself and I am a very confident person so I can afford to do what I want and I don’t let outside influences bother me. That and I am not a stickler for things… is there such a thing as Type B? if so that’s me 😀 I can see how for a younger Type A bride whose parents are paying would be ready to throw herself off a tall building, haha.
Post # 52
My wedding is still a ways away but so far with much of it planned, it hasn’t been a big deal, so I’m knocking on wood. I’m allergic to drama, am type B all the way, and am lucky to have very low-key family and friends. I’ve also never opened a wedding magazine and don’t look at wedding blogs. I learned a long time ago that reading magazines that are essentially one giant advertisement (eg, fashion magazines, “women’s” magazines, home decor magazines, etc.) makes you feel worse about…fill in the blank (yourself, your looks, your clothes, your furniture, your wedding plans). I think ignoring the wedding marketing machine really helps. Sure I could get “ideas” from the blogs and magazines — ideas that won’t really add to anyone’s enjoyment and will just drive me crazy by piling extra tasks and costs on me. 🙂
Parts of the decision making have been fun and parts have been a chore, and that’s to be expected, but I was adamant that I wasn’t going to let the wedding monster eat my life for a whole year.
Post # 53
It’s a lot more stressful than you realise. I used to think it would be really easy…until I started planning. Now I am very stressed lol.
Post # 54
I’m a relatively laid-back, drama free person. However, I have a psychotic family. Said psychotic family is is making my life a living hell. And I’ve just begun planning. I am not looking forward to the next 13 months…
Post # 55
It takes a lot to ruffle my feathers but ever since we decided to get married the unsolicited advice, rude or pushy comments and attitude changes from some people (gf’s of the groomsmen mostly) made me wonder why we’re bothering. I got fed up and cancelled the big, 140+ ppl wedding. We are now doing a sunset ceremony on a sunday evening followed by a short cocktail reception. No more bridal party except Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man and no more unsolicited opinions about MY wedding. My attitude is now “come or dont come, I dont care, this day is about me marrying my best friend, period.” If anyone is not happy for us, or has an issue with our plans they can stay home.
Post # 56
I’m laid back but I cant help but notice how other people are sooooooooo amped up for this wedding and I’m just slowly putting it together. I dont need to be bossed, hear how you think it should be, or constantly answer questions about what we are doing/having at our wedding.
The more you plan yourself, the easier. However, it’s hard to keep people out of it because they all want their say in your day…sometimes I think the more laid back about it the more amped up people become. We are 2 months out and I’ve noticed lately everyone is really getting on me about stuff and constantly questioning my Fiance about things. I would say up until this point it wasnt that bad, but right now it’s taking over my life.
Post # 57
Apart from budget stress, I’ve enjoyed it. Luckily, I have a family that goes along with what I want and they don’t interfere too much.
Post # 58
The hardest part of wedding planning is realizing that you have to plan for everyone else. I have found that the food choices I want arent good for others, the hotels I book aren’t good enough, etc. Every decision I make is broken down by my mother, fiances mother, my grandmother, etc.
It would be so much easier if I could just choose everything I wanted and be done with it. Lol the hardest part of wedding planning is learning not to be selfish!
Post # 59
I had fun for the most part. My life is pretty drama-free. However, I had several break downs throughout the process from being overwhelmed. I don’t regret any of the work I put into it, but I’m happy it’s over. 🙂
Post # 60
Wedding planning is smoother when you have some cushion on your budget. A lot of people are usually tight on budget (however amount they are spending, from 1000 – 100000).
Our wedding is not that big, so everything should be easier (so we thought when we get engaged). Wrong! however small your wedding is, unless you are cutting elements, all the details are still the same except quantity (i.e., 10 vs 25).
When you have more DIY stuff, it gets complicated especially if you both are in school/work full time.
So I highly recommend plan early. Do research early and it will come in handy when you actually need it. 🙂
That’s just planning alone.
Now your family/friends (mostly family, especially the moms) come in with wishes they want to fulfill in the wedding. People they want to invite, and stuff they want to happen.
And it gets complicated if one of the parents or both side parents are paying for the wedding. (That’s why we pay it ourselves so we have final say on everything. Moms were upset at times, especially on the guestlist at first but we made them get over it. They both know my Fiance will uninvite them if they start drama)
It’s fun over all. But be prepared especially with the family. You know them well so you should prepare how to approach them when potential conflicts arise…
Post # 61
This thread is making me fear wedding planning haha JK…but really…