(Closed) Is your husband the head of your family?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 48
Member
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

The whole concept of “bilblical marriage” confuses me. The bible says a whole lot of conflicting things about marriage, including that if a man rapes a woman, he has to marry her. So obviously I prefer not to get my marital role models from the bible!

that said, Fi and I are equals. We both work, we earn within $10,000 of each other (I earn a bit more), we contribute equally to running the household, and we share responsibility. I do more of the day-to-day budgeting, he dones more of the long-term stuff like researching home improvement needs. We work together for pretty much everything and we have equal needs and equal power. Neither of us is a dependant but we most definitely depend on each other!

Post # 49
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I guess that FH would be considered the head of household because he is the only one with a job right now and is better at decision making than I am. He’s also better at household chores.

But, his word is not law. He doesn’t get the final say just because he’s a man. Neither of us would make a large decision without the input of the other but I’m not going to ask his permission to go to the grocery store (I have known couples who did this). I am not submissive to him. 

We are both rather independent people and when I asked FH what he thought about this, he said he’s always seen us as a team. 

Post # 50
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Nope. We are a team.

Post # 51
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I consider my Fiance the head of the household, yes. And I am a non-religious feminist 🙂

 

Post # 52
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@linnylou_88:  In our marriage we work together and neither of us feels that the other is more powerful.

Post # 53
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

HA! Absolutely not! We are equals, though DH is far more laid back and easy going while I usually have a strong opinion about everything so I usually end up being the one with the final say in things. I would never be with somone who thought they had more of a say than me just because they had a penis. 

Post # 54
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

Not married yet but growing up in church I learned the man is the head of the household. Both mine and FI’s parents follow this lifestyle. It doesn’t mean that the woman has no say because trust me my momma has a lot of say lol. Also “head” does not mean master like in regards to the wife being the slave or servant. So even though my Fiance will be the head of our household, we are still equals.

“The Christian father should set an example for his family as he earns a living, directs the household with concern for each member, and as he fulfills his role as head of the house. He should see to their spiritual development by the life he lives and the direction in which he leads his family.” http://www.bible.ca/f-husbands-responsibility.htm

P.S. Yay I think this is my 1000th post…wow!

Post # 55
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@linnylou_88:  I’m Queen Bee. Mostly because the kids are all mine and the apartment was mine first. Not like he doesn’t get a say about anything, but I do the decorating, I pay the bills (with my own money) and plus, with working two jobs he’s hardly ever home.

I’m also a Leo, not that I give a whole lot of credit to astrology, but I definitely have a dominant personality. That was a huge part of the problem I had in my last relationship. He kept trying to control me and I cannot keep my mouth shut and do what I’m told, like EVER. (Slow down, not trying to say every woman he lets her man wear the pants the majority of the time is being a brainwashed wuss, that’s just what he was trying to do to me)

Post # 56
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

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@slc201329:  “P.S. Yay I think this is my 1000th post…wow” WOO-HOO!

Post # 57
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

We are equal, but I definitely make more decisions. Basically because he is so relaxed and easy going. I’m not as patient and I’m more aggressive. 

Post # 58
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yes, unwillingly he’s taken that role.  I’ve always been disorganized, messy, and slightly irresponsible.  He is very organized and very responsible.  He always asks my opinion, and never makes any decisions without me.  But he’s learned when I say I don’t care, I really don’t.  When I do I always say something. 

Post # 59
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

He’s the boss.

Post # 60
Member
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can’t believe this is even a question. It’s 2014!

Post # 61
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@linnylou_88:  I like to think we’re equal. We both work and will continue to work when we have children. He brings in more money at the moment but as of next month I’ll be the main earner. We consult each other about big decisions (purchases, holidays etc) as well as small (what to do on the weekend, what to have for dinner). I am a feminist and an atheist so there’s no way I’d be comfortable with seeing my husband as anything other than my equal.

Post # 62
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No, we’re pretty equal. He makes about 2/3rds of the money, I budget all of the money. Anything that doesn’t come out of our personal budget (I set aside money we each get to spend no questions asked), we make the decision about together. We help each other in different ways– I step in as the diplomat when necessary, he stands up for me when necessary.

In fact, I’d be ticked off if he thought he was the head of the household. I’m definitely not a fan of him being “in charge”.

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