(Closed) Is your SO an introvert?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My man is something of an introvert, but so am I (used to be more so) so I might be able to shed some light. If it is completely an introvert thing (could be some adjusting to living together going on too, not unusual or bad), I can tell you you’re not boring him or doing anything wrong, it’s more likely that he just needs time alone to recharge. Does that make sense? My understanding is that extroverts feel energized by being with people, often in highly interactive settings, while introverts feel drained by too much time around people and need time alone to reenergize. I completely encourage you to let go of the guilt about going places and doing things without him – I mean, communicate about it, but probably he’ll be grateful to not feel like he has to go to everything and be social all the time.

Post # 4
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Mine is an introvert, but he doesn’t need me to leave the HOUSE!!  Why can’t he just go in a different room and close the door? It is absolutely not right that you feel like you can’t be in your own home just because he wants to watch baseball.

ETA: On the other hand, I have no problem going to parties, hanging out with friends, etc., without him. He’s happier that way, and I get to have fun with my friends. NBD.

Post # 5
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mightywombat:  Good point, I didn’t really cover that. I mean, Fiance and I like to have some fairly chill,not terribly interactive time at home, but it’s not like “I’m tired of people, get out of here”. More like “I’m going to do stuff on the computer for a while, but let’s have dinner in a little bit”.

Post # 6
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m the introvert in our relationship. It’s nice right now because I’m not working so I have a ton of time to myself but on the weekend when he’s home I just have to carve space for myself. He’s got the tendancy to follow me around sometimes so I gently just have to ask for space. I think he should be asking for privacy in a nicer way and within more reason.

I mean, I’m perfectly content sitting in the same room as him with a book or my computer. I think it’s a little crazy he asked you to leave the house. It’s ridiculous. He should be leaving to watch the game somewhere else if it bothers him that much.

 

Post # 7
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Hmmm.. I’m an introvert, but that doesn’t mean that I need to have my fiance leave the house so that I can be alone. That’s very strange.

It just means that I’m not into going to crowded places and socializing with people that i don’t know or hardly know.

If someone wants someone else to leave the house, it’s usually so that they can do something that they cannot do with the person there. I mean.. generally speaking.

It’s your home too. You should always feel welcome there. If I lived by you, I’d come hang out with you πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@stace0616:  Oh, ok, that makes way more sense! (And congrats on the job, that’s wondeful!!) I imagine once you’re working again, you won’t be quite as stir-crazy on the weekends, and it will even out a bit more.

Also, you’re still pretty newly living together – it takes at least 6 months to a year, in my experience, for couples to settle into a good rhythm that works for both people.

Post # 10
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yes πŸ™‚ he hasn’t taken the test but I’d guess he’s INTP. He needs to be able to do his own things separately and by himself (working on cars, building fish tanks, fixing things, whatever) so as long as I leave him be and he has these outlets for a few hours a week, he’s really happy. It sounds like its hard for you guys right now but after you start working, there will be more balance.

Post # 11
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Darling Husband is the introvery and I’m the extrovert… He gets his alone time by hanging on the computer… So I come to places like this, where I at least still get some interaction πŸ™‚

We hang out with friends a lot too – try not to do large groups all the time though, for his sake… I’ve been sick, so we didn’t hang out with friends for several weeks… It got to the point that even my Darling Husband was looking for people interaction haha πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Both SO and I are introverts. And our relationship looks really, really boring to third parties. “Wait your idea of relaxing together on a Sunday afternoon is doing two totally different things as long as you are in the same room?” Yep. I read. SO plays video games. To us the proximity is more important than the activity. It’s not that we bore each other but we are both very independent people that have continued to pursue our own interests and goals even as we’ve built a relationship together.

I suspect the reason you end up getting booted for baseball is because you aren’t happy just sitting there doing… well nothing. And there is nothing wrong with that. People are different that’s what makes life so colorful. Its not that baseball (or reading in my case) is all that important at all. Its that constantly amusing someone is draining on introverts. We tend to be really good at taking care of ourselves and not so good at taking care of others. We make good rocks (since we tend to be solid and are almost always found in the same place, home) but rocks don’t travel well without assistance and are frequently stepped on at parties. So don’t feel bad leaving him at home. If he didn’t want to be there he would come with you.

For some frame of reference for you, I require less than an hour of actual interaction time with others a day to feel content with my social life. Granted SO is a special case (I love him) and I’m ready to just go do my own thing after about 6 hours together doing the same thing.

Post # 13
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m an introvert.

You aren’t boring him! He just needs recharge time. My husband tries to spend 1-2 nights a week with friends so I can have alone time. It’s pretty easy for us. We also have staggered schedules – I go to bed and wake up before him, so we each get the house to ourselves a couple hours each day.

Introvertedness isn’t about you – it’s about him. Don’t take it personally! Here’s a helpful article that will give you a TON of insight into what he is thinking and feeling:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

Post # 14
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

I AM AN INTROVERT!

And i can tell you it actually doesnt have anything to do with you.  As long as you are ok with it and dont make him feel bad, it will be fine.

I can tell you that being around people all the time exhausts me.  My SO’s family is very “lets spend time together, and play games, and talk all the time” and i can only take them in short bursts.  I enjoy my quiet time.  I dont really feel the need to have people in my house alot, I just like ME time.  Talking non stop about things that dont matter BORES me and i need to often step out of a room full of people to take a deep breath. If i am around people i really trust and can be myself with this doesnt apply as much.

So just let him have his time.  And dont feel bad about leaving him alone.

Post # 15
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My SO is a blend of the introvert. He definitely has to recharge and we take time to do things with just me and him if other activities will have us in a crowd. Example- On Sunday before going ot my parents’ house for mom’s day, we went to a local park to take a walk and then sat in the car and just talked for a little while. He was perfectly fine.

You should feel free to openly talk about your needs in the relationship and come to some sort of balance.

Post # 16
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Mine is a huge introvert. I’ve posted in other threads that he can go hours without talking. He’s kind of like spock to be honest- very unemotional as well. It took me a lot of getting used to, and lots of prodding to make him talk. He hates all forms of idle chit chat.

Me: I saw the funniest thing today on tv..blah blah

Him: Lindsay, I don’t care.

And he really doesn’t see it as rude, he’s just a weird ass guy. He’s actually very sweet, but sooo not social. We used to have regular screaming fights about it.

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