Post # 1
After beginning to plan my Wedding it became very apparent to me that there are a lot of people you need to please. Mom wants this, Dad wants this, Grandma, Grandpa, etc… For a moment I thought, weddings are not really about the Bride and Groom, it is about making everyone else happy or impressed on that day. No wonder there are so many brides that are completely stressed and nerve-racked beyond belief. So, not too long ago I decided, I am going to do it my way. I will take into consideration what others want, but in the end I am going to choose what is truly best for me and my fiancé.
For example, my father is a strict Catholic. But, I have made the decision to get married outside. My fiancé did not want to get married in a church and for the most part I didn’t either. You can only imagine how my Father reacted- he told me he was disappointed and even threatened not to come (although, now he claims he will be coming). What I’m wondering is, was I at the wrong in choosing what I wanted rather than what my Dad wanted for me?
Has anyone else been in this situation? Do you regret your decision to do it your way? If I change my mind and start basing my decisions on other people will this cause me much less stress in the long run. I am just starting to Wedding plan so it is not too late to change my mind.
Post # 3
I think you should do what you want… although this can get complicated if others are helping you pay.
I think it is important to pick your battles though. Stick to your guns on important decisions… but I’d let the little things slide if they are really important to a family member.
EDIT- I consider the location of your ceremony and whether to have a religious ceremony to be important decisions. I think you did the right thing.
Post # 4
pick your battles! you’re definitley going about it the right way…take others into consideration, but ultimately do what you want. good luck!
Post # 5
So sorry you are dealing with this. Weddings have come a long way over the years, but the prevailing theme today is it is about the bride and groom. It is your day.
However, old habits and traditions die hard. You parents, perhaps like mine, found that immediate and extended family had a heavy hand in the wedding. Like others have said, pick your battles with this.
I recently read a really great article about a bride, who, to find fulfillment and to appease her family, asked members to help contribute in some way to the day; whether that was to supply a unique photo to use at the table, make a special centerpiece, share a reading, etc etc. There are so many ways to make it YOUR day but still make others feel special in celebrating it with you. Good luck!
Post # 6
Agree with EleanorRigby and totally feel your pain! My parents were upset when I opted out of a church service, but I was 100% firm on that point and they got used to it. Other things I caved on. I think weddings are about the bride and groom first… but they are also about your families. I think taking their feelings into account makes planning a lot easier, so you aren’t constantly battling. But I also think it’s important that you be ok with every decision.
I definitely don’t regret going with my gut about the ceremony. We got to script it ourselves and everyone loved it. But I also don’t regret caving on a couple of things, because those things made my parents really happy.
Post # 7
I regret my decision NOT to do it my way.
Well, for the most part, my hubby and I decided on what was best for us. But in some areas, we were, shall I say, “forced”? into appeasing others. It got us no where in the end. Just a lot of wasted money and effort and hurt feelings.
Sooooooo….I say, as long as you aren’t totally out there (“Mom, Dad, I want to ride down the aisle on an elephant”) – stick to your guns and yes, do what makes you and your fiance happy.
And don’t forget to play Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” at the wedding 🙂
Post # 8
Being considerate of others, while staying true to yourselves, is exactly the right balance to strike. And in my opinion, the ceremony is the part of the wedding where it is MOST important to prioritize you and your groom, and where other family members’ opinions have no place. It’s the part where your most important values and beliefs are foregrounded. No one else should have a say in how two people pledge themselves to each other.
Post # 9
i think you’re doing the right thing. we are opting out of a church ceremony as well, and while it hasn’t been much of a fight or anything, both of our parents still make comments now and then. completely livable. we’re also paying for the wedding ourselves, so we don’t really feel a need to be pleasing anyone but us.
it’s not cake flavor or dj or something like that, it is the CEREMONY. the part where you are being MARRIED. you should be 100% comfortable with how you choose to have that ceremony. good for you for standing strong on it!
Post # 10
My Dad orginally offered to give me like 2,000 or so and now I am not sure if he is going to give me anything. Other than that, My fiance and I are paying for the entire wedding. Our budget is $12,000. Honestly, after the way my Dad has reacted, I really do not even want to take his money at all anymore.
Post # 11
Weddings and family drama go together. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t experienced snide remarks from at least one family member.
The only thing you can do is use consideration and respect for others, while accepting that you can’t please everyone at all times. The most important person to work with is your fiance.
Post # 12
I have absolutely been there! And I came to the exact same conclusion
TO HELL WITH EVERYONE ELSE (pardon my french)
But beyond a few kind suggestions from others, I will be doing what I WANT to do. If I want to walk down the aisle in a bikini then so be it. I am a love child (out of wed-lock) and my parents dont get along… they made a big fuss about not being around each other or wanting to see each other, and even threatened not to come if the other parent showed up!!
I was PISSED! And needless to say, I got fed up and told them both that I DIDN’T ASK TO BE HERE! Their one night of fun lead to me! And when you make babies you sign an unwritten contract to go to birthdays, graduations, wedding, and god forbid FUNERALS! SO if they have a problem with my other parent coming, then even though I love them dearly, they are more than welcomed to STAY HOME! Though I really wish they’d get over themselves and not be so selfish.
I even had a cousin throw a fit because children wouldn’t be invited. She told me she was “disappointed” and would have to stay home with her daughter because she will be jealous her cousins from out of state were going (because they were in the wedding party)…. I just said.,”ok, well sorry that you feel that way. GOODNIGHT!”
SO again… your wedding is your wedding. As long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else go for it!
Post # 13
@FallBride100111: I feel you! I work with my future in laws, and they have totally taken our wedding over =( they even hired a wedding planner, whose style btw is at the other end of the spectrum than mine. Glad your doing it for you!