(Closed) Isn’t it funny how ppl ALWAYS magically “love” someone after they die…

posted 9 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

Hmm. Maybe you are referring to a specific situation that you are not detailing here.

I guess there are fake people around, but the permanence of someone’s death really does affect your feelings — even if you are a mean person and hated them. If you’ve ever been very close to someone, and then they passed on, suddenly all their best qualities come to light in a different way.

It’s easy to hate someone when you think they’ll be around forever. Of course, it would be best if everyone could resolve differences and appreciate people while they’re still here, but I do think it’s fair to re-evaluate how you feel about someone after they have died.

Post # 5
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it could be related to the notion that we shouldn’t ‘speak ill of the dead.’ But yes, I certainly have heard of this type of situation before.

 

Bella

Post # 6
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think that might happen, but here’s my perspective. When a boy that went to my HS (after I graduated) committed suicide many people were affected by it and not everyone knew him. It pissed some people off and they thought that these people were just trying to get attention. I didn’t even know the kid, but it saddened me. I know that suicide is a unique circumstance, but I couldn’t help thinking of all the if onlys and what if this…I was not seeking attention. I truly felt for his friends and family. It was disheartening…

In another situation a person I went to school with was killed in the war. We had been friends, but were no longer close. There were many community members that expressed their sadness, concern for the family, and thoughts of the person that didn’t really know him. I thought it was uniting, not attention getting. It can be supportive for the family members or survivors. It felt good to see the connectedness between people during hard times.

I think in the case of “enemies” the person probably feels remorseful. They can’t change their past behavior, but they can change their current attitudes and thoughts, this might not even be happening on a conscious level.

I think only people loaded for or with a true psychopathology would fake sadness and closeness for attention.

Post # 7
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Nisi nil bonum dei morti

as the saying goes. It’s a phenomenon that’s been around a *long* time.

Post # 8
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

^(doesn’t read latin) does that say ‘don’t speak ill of the dead’?

 

this is honestly why i avoid funerals. people aren’t memorialized at them, so often, they’re idealized and people speak of a few of their good qualities while avoiding all of the subtleties of their personalities (both negative and neutral qualities!).  suddenly everyone comes out of the woodwork, saying what a great person they were, even . it’s weird.

i speak ill of the dead all the time. i guess that makes me a bad person. Sealed  when my best friend (who i had a complicated relationship with) died last year, i was overcome with sadness and a lot of relief too, because it freed me from a really terrible relationship, even though that friend wasn’t necessarily a bad person.  nonetheless, i was relieved, and whenever i told that to anyone back around his death, they looked at me like some kind of monster. oh well. i can’t help how i feel!

Post # 9
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I guess the death of Michael Jackson proves your point!

Post # 10
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I do know kno what you are talking about, but as a pp said if someone passes away that I do not know well somtimes the circumstances of the death can make it difficult for me.

For example, when i was in high school a classmate of mine comitted suicide and her Dad saw her shoot herself. As a parent I had a very difficult time dealing with this even though I didn’t know her well. some times in life things happen that make you reflect on your own life and can make these situations hard.

Post # 11
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I completely agree with you.

Post # 12
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh for sure. I’ve unfortunately had several friends die, and it never fails. Someone that barely knew them would claim they had been best friends, or someone that had been dating them for like a week, claims they were soulmates. And they just run around and act ridiculous and say the dumbest things.

Post # 13
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with you on this.  I have seen so many people treat people terribly and do very bad things to others and even ruin other peoples lives by their terrible actions but then when they die everyone acts like they were a great person.  WHY? 

 

Post # 14
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Word! My brother had a lot of “friends” come out of the wood work after his accident. I kinda wanted to box those people in the face. They weren’t REAL friends for reasons I care not to elaborate about here. But yeah, this is a humongous peeve of mine.

Post # 15
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I definitely know what you’re saying.  This actually just came up for my family.  My grandmother died a year ago and the women of the family got together a couple weeks ago and remembered her.  We started off with just good memories but then acknowledged that to truly love someone is to love ALL of them, not just the good.  

Post # 16
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I totally agree & I hate it! I don’t know why people do this… is it an attention thing? Why do people change their tune the second someone passes away?

I was at a wake once and this girl was crying about how everyone close to her dies… when the deceased’s best friend was like “What are you talking about? You barely knew him!” Then the nutso posted on a memorial page online that her & Stephen were dating for the last 3 years when they were not. It makes me so angry!

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