(Closed) Isn't that rude? What do I say?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

We invited 200 and planned for a 75% attendance rate.  We ended up having about 55-60%.  The majority of guests had a 2.5-5 hour drive.  I’m very glad we didn’t get a venue for 200 guests.  I think you can safely go down to at least 75% or 80%.  I wouldn’t ask for a “pre RSVP.”

Post # 32
9604 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

you are right, your mom is out of her mind.

Post # 33
4672 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I see your mom’s side. A lot of people rsvp yes and the flake out weeks before. I think it is perfectly fine to ask them if for sure they will be coming because you need to know the numbers ahead of time. Let them know that it has to be a 100% yes, not 60-80-. Is your mom helping  pay for the wedding? If so I can see why she wouldn’t want to waste money.  Destination weddings usually get 20-30% rsvp yes.

Post # 35
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

My entire side has to fly in for our wedding (save 5 or 6 local friends) and we only had 4 nos out of 60 invited. I was really shocked actually. more people were willing to make the 6 hour drive or 1 hour flight than I thought would bother. You may be supprised wen you get the rsvps back!

Post # 36
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I live in the Orlando area, and had a similar issue. A lot of my friends and family still live in NY, so I don’t have any idea about how large my party will be. I am inviting almost a 100 people, but I gather only 45 people can come. It has made planning really difficult. I was definitely tempted to start asking people their intentions, but that would be rude.

The best solution I came up with was to hold the reception at my parent’s house. They have a beautifully large place, and now I can adjust the amounts with my vendors and it gives me more leeway. 

I wish you luck, as this is definitely an annoying dilema. 

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