(Closed) Isn't the wedding supposed to be about us? (long)

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Ugh. That is some f-ed up shit you have going on there. 

I’m sorry about your health and all this ridiculousness about your wedding.

Personally,I’d elope. I just don’t understand why your brother thinks you need to invite that horrible woman to your wedding, to the point where it would ruin your relationship with HIM? Bizarre.

Again, faced with these choices, I’d elope. And maybe invite mom. 😉

Post # 4
481 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MrsJ2Bee:  I’m not saying that you have to invite her because I honestly don’t falt you for not wanting her there. Both FI & I have aunts we don’t get along with they dun’t like us and we don’t like them. However we are inviting them for our mothers sake and that alone. FI even stated to his mother that she will only be there because that her sister and my aunt well I didn’t even tell her I was engaged and we live under the same roof (extended family). I have my fair share of family problems and so I can understand how you feel. Personally if they aren’t funding some part then they have no say. However is not having her there worth losing those you do care about?? Your wedding will be a busy one and even with the small amount of guest there is no need to see her or deal with her. If she talks she’ll look stupid to your family members not you so you have no need to worry. Don’t let her stress you take care of yourself, your health , your future husband and finishing your plans for the wedding. Good luck wishing all the best to you stay strong.  


Post # 5
1651 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@MrsJ2Bee:  Honestly, I would probably elope. I don’t really want a big wedding anyways (I don’t like being the center of attention) and all this added crap would just make me want to avoid it more. I think your idea of having just the moms attend as witnesses is a nice one. And if anyone gives you crap about it, simply point out that you’re ill and the added stress was jeopardizing your health.

I don’t get what the deal is with your brother. I understand your Grandma has been manipulated and I find that very sad, but your brother has no right telling you what to do or who to invite. Honestly, he needs to mind his own business.

Post # 6
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MrsJ2Bee:  So you’re going to invite around 20 people to your small, intimate wedding and one of those invited is someone you despise?  That’s 5% of your guestlist.  I agree with prahajess, invite your mom and elope.

Post # 7
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsJ2Bee:  Can your mother talk to your brother and let him know that having the GF there will be hurtful?


I think it’s time to get aggressive with people. Assert yourself because you ARE the bride and you are defending your future family of your DH and you!!

I would have a special “talk” with grandmother, remind her that you are too ill to see your dad a lot but that you talk to him everyday on the phone. Also, I would remind her that the GF is a horrible person who thinks that you and your dad are perverts.




Then I would arrainge for  grandmother to be picked up, and if your brother wants to come then it’s up to him. Pick them up for the wedding at least 2 days beforehand so that the GF won’t interfere with travel.


Also, I would definately hire security to keep the GF away. Have a trusted family friend stay with them to watch out for her.


Talk to your brother, remind him that you do not want to upset your MOTHER on your wedding day and tell him that if he wants to continue with a relationship with you the ball is in his court.








Post # 8
2534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If your family doesn’t want to speak to you ever again over a non-faily member’s crazy demands for YOUR wedding, then sorry to say that IMO, they weren’t worth it to begin with.
You are their family, they should love you no matter what.

You can only bend over backwards so much before you fall.

I’d elope with our moms and have a great time without worrying what anyone else thinks.
Your guest list is already 20 people, I am serious when I say that eloping is very do-able for you two. 
Plus, it sounds like it sill be better for your health, which should be your first priority.

Post # 9
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Wow I am really sorry you are going through all of that. I would call grandma and brother and have a serious heart to heart about your feelings for this woman and that this is not some random party but one of the most importang days of your life and you want to be surrounded by the ones you love. Explain everything the GF has done to hurt you and why you made this choice. If they STILL insist she come and refuse to come otherwise say “Well I hope you change your mind” and hang up. They should not feel okay in bullying you. Have the wedding you want and keep them invited and if they don’t come because you didn’t invite your dad’s GF then that makes them look bad – not you. This way, you are not uninviting anyone by eloping and I think when push comes to shove and they realize you won’t be beaten into submission they will show. If GF randomly shows up is there a nice big burly man in FI family that is attending that could perhaps play security? If not I would say just ignore her and everyone will see how insane she is. Good luck! 

Post # 10
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am sorry to hear about your health problems and all this crap 🙁

I can’t imagine being in your situation. This is obviously just my opinion but I think you would regret eloping. I get that you don’t want GF there, I would not want her there either but I just don’t know if it is worth the heachache to not invite her. I hope it all works out for you. You deserve to have a really great day. Good luck.

Post # 11
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsJ2Bee:  I read through your old posts.

Originally you wanted to elope.

At the end, what do YOU want to do? Go through with a wedding and risk certain people not coming or just elope and have that fun weekend in Orlando??

Post # 12
908 posts
Busy bee

@MrsJ2Bee:  Oh lord, hunnie I feel your pain… I am involved in a very similar situation very very similar…all the way down to the details of the mistress etc…  I didn’t want her to come.  I even tried the nice approach by telling her “how i hope she wouldn’t feel akward at the wedding, since my entire mom’s family knows she(the mistress) was part of the reason my parents marriage was broken up”  Thinking she would NOT want to be part of a wedding she is not wanted at…welp that didn’t work and now she wants me to include all her relatives and I am like Ummm no… I don’t think so…they are not my family! 

ANyways my solution is I hired a wedding planner or someone just for the day of to literally watch the mistress and my mom and make sure they don’t cross paths.  I am also sitting my mom far away from my dads mistress with their backs to each other.  The mistress will never have a good view of the wedding etc.  I am a little concerned she (the mistress) will try to make it all about her as she tends to do that…I am going to make sure my planner knows there will be NO surprises allowed from my dads mistress…Basically the mistress is going to be in the background and never getting attention at my wedding, but I had to hire someone to make sure that didn’t happen, lol…ridiculous..I would still invite her too bc honestly she would probably show up anyways and then you would be super stressed

Post # 13
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsJ2Bee:  I know you want to maintain a relationship with your grandmother and brother, but it seems that they are ok with allowing this nasty woman to abuse you and think you should just suck it up – are you sure those relationships are worth sacrificing your peace of mind? Only you know the answer to that of course, but it seems very unhealthy and conditional on you jumping through hoops while everyone around you does whatever they want. All this stress could be affecting your already fragile health, and yet your brother still thinks you need to be the one to cave? That’s terrible and I’m sorry you are going through this.

Post # 14
2581 posts
Sugar bee

You and your fiance need to talk to each other and decide what you joinly would like to do.  Decide what would please you both and make you happy. 

At weddings the role of the bride and groom is to enjoy a super day.  The role of the guests is to do everything to make the bride and groom happy and be honoured to be invited. 

Invite who you want to invite.  If you don’t want to invite the GF you don’t have to do so.

Choose the date, venue and numbers that suit you and your fiance.  If this is not convenient for people they can always choose to change their prior arrangements. 

If necessary, elope.

Post # 15
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would tell your brother that you’re either going to invite who you want to your wedding, or just elope. His choice.

I wouldn’t actually give him the choice, but maybe that would force him to realize he’s not going to get his way.

Post # 16
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Eope, elope, ELOPE!!!  Please focus on you and your FI and have the day you want – you will need to remember it when these toxic people keep bothering you!!  Invite friends and family who love and celebrate you and that’s it and then enjoy your day and forget the rest because unfortunately it sounds like you’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t with that crowd no matter what you do!

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