(Closed) Isn't the wedding supposed to be about us? (long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Just to straight up answer your question I will pass on something I learned while wedding planning.

 

NO. YOU’RE WEDDING IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

 

Sorry. I know that’s not helpful. But I wanted to elope and DH didnt. I quickly learned wedding planning is about satisfying everyone else. Its unfortunate – but often a reality. Hang in there.

Post # 18
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am so sorry you are going through all this. let me start by saying good luck with your health, I hope everything works out ok and you get better. second this Girlfriend of your dad needs to learn her place. she is WAYYY out of line. everyone shoud realize this is your wedding your day and your decision. I think i would opt for the elope option. bring both moms it’ll still be super special because you are marrying the man who stole your heart away.

Post # 19
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

@MrsJ2Bee:  ELOPE ELOPE ELOPE

Seriously, you should be doing what’s best for you and that sounds like it’s getting away from all these toxic, awful people. Your dad, his witchy girlfriend and your brother sound vomit inducingly selfish and insensitive – they’re not thinking about you so don’t think about them and make sure you spend your day in a way you’ll enjoy!

Post # 20
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Elope!

Post # 21
Member
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

@MrsJ2Bee:  I am so sorry you are going through this. I work in mental health, and to me, it sounds like the girl friend has a FLAMING personality disorder(not sure how familiar you are with this term, but look up borderline and narcissistic personality disorders and see if any of it is familiar). UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU LET THIS WOMAN COME TO YOUR WEDDING. I wouldn’t let her rob you of the wedding you want though either. You need to set firm boundaries with your family regarding her not being invited. I am surprised they would even want her there just out of respect for your Mother. 

Post # 22
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I am sorry for the circumstances of your life at this important stage in your life.  Since the event is already so small, i would take a deep breath and elope.  I think that everybody should be backing YOU up and standing up for your big day, and would prevent anybody like that from coming.  If she is saying that nasty stuff about your entire family, then the entire family (including your brother) should have your back in this situation.  If it seems to be causing more chaos and anxiety than good, it isn’t worth it.  If you’re asking if you should (essentially) just suck it up and invite her, then it isn’t worth it.  Especially if your fiance doesn’t have siblings… grab your mom and a few others that are important and can see through the bullshit and elope.  You want to look back on this day and be HAPPY.

Post # 24
Member
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsJ2Bee:  wow – and I thought MY family had drama!

Ultimately, the wedding is about the 2 of you.  It sounds like the new Girlfriend is just a terribly drama seeker and is trying to drive a wedge in your family – does your dad have money that she’s after?  I can’t understand why anyone could be so vile!

Post # 25
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Jellyfish, Punta Cana DR

@MrsJ2Bee:  I am in a similar boat. My father’s wife is very rude and disrespectful to me, my sister and my mom. I have tried to have a relationship with her, however, she is always rude and “standoff-ish” EXCEPT when there is a big event (i.e. Birth of my son, birth of my niece, holidays, wedding, etc). If she can’t try to have an relationship with me on a consistant basis, then I feel no need to invite her to the major events of my life.

So, now dad refuses to come over for holidays or attend my wedding. A few family members (including future in-laws) feel as if I should just “suck it up” and invite her. Absolutely not! I only want those who truly love me and my Fiance there! She had 20 years to help build our relationship and she didn’t. Those who love me understand my stance. It’s my and my Fiance day! We will have there who we want- end of story.

Post # 27
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@MrsJ2Bee:  I’m so sorry to hear about your father – but I’m glad you got to see each other one last time.

Post # 28
Member
2346 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Elope.

Post # 29
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@MrsJ2Bee:  I’m so sorry love. I’m glad you were able to tell him “I love you”. I never got that with my father. His cancer too him before I could get to the hosptial. He never made it to hospice. 

You didn’t get caught up in trivial stuff. Your dad’s Girlfriend was insane to imply the stuff she did. However I wish you both peace during this time

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