Post # 17
Just to straight up answer your question I will pass on something I learned while wedding planning.
NO. YOU’RE WEDDING IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Sorry. I know that’s not helpful. But I wanted to elope and DH didnt. I quickly learned wedding planning is about satisfying everyone else. Its unfortunate – but often a reality. Hang in there.
Post # 18
I am so sorry you are going through all this. let me start by saying good luck with your health, I hope everything works out ok and you get better. second this Girlfriend of your dad needs to learn her place. she is WAYYY out of line. everyone shoud realize this is your wedding your day and your decision. I think i would opt for the elope option. bring both moms it’ll still be super special because you are marrying the man who stole your heart away.
Post # 19
@MrsJ2Bee: ELOPE ELOPE ELOPE
Seriously, you should be doing what’s best for you and that sounds like it’s getting away from all these toxic, awful people. Your dad, his witchy girlfriend and your brother sound vomit inducingly selfish and insensitive – they’re not thinking about you so don’t think about them and make sure you spend your day in a way you’ll enjoy!
Post # 21
@MrsJ2Bee: I am so sorry you are going through this. I work in mental health, and to me, it sounds like the girl friend has a FLAMING personality disorder(not sure how familiar you are with this term, but look up borderline and narcissistic personality disorders and see if any of it is familiar). UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU LET THIS WOMAN COME TO YOUR WEDDING. I wouldn’t let her rob you of the wedding you want though either. You need to set firm boundaries with your family regarding her not being invited. I am surprised they would even want her there just out of respect for your Mother.
Post # 22
I am sorry for the circumstances of your life at this important stage in your life. Since the event is already so small, i would take a deep breath and elope. I think that everybody should be backing YOU up and standing up for your big day, and would prevent anybody like that from coming. If she is saying that nasty stuff about your entire family, then the entire family (including your brother) should have your back in this situation. If it seems to be causing more chaos and anxiety than good, it isn’t worth it. If you’re asking if you should (essentially) just suck it up and invite her, then it isn’t worth it. Especially if your fiance doesn’t have siblings… grab your mom and a few others that are important and can see through the bullshit and elope. You want to look back on this day and be HAPPY.
Post # 23
@MrsJ2Bee: Any updates OP?
Post # 24
@MrsJ2Bee: wow – and I thought MY family had drama!
Ultimately, the wedding is about the 2 of you. It sounds like the new Girlfriend is just a terribly drama seeker and is trying to drive a wedge in your family – does your dad have money that she’s after? I can’t understand why anyone could be so vile!
Post # 25
- Wedding: May 2015 - Jellyfish, Punta Cana DR
@MrsJ2Bee: I am in a similar boat. My father’s wife is very rude and disrespectful to me, my sister and my mom. I have tried to have a relationship with her, however, she is always rude and “standoff-ish” EXCEPT when there is a big event (i.e. Birth of my son, birth of my niece, holidays, wedding, etc). If she can’t try to have an relationship with me on a consistant basis, then I feel no need to invite her to the major events of my life.
So, now dad refuses to come over for holidays or attend my wedding. A few family members (including future in-laws) feel as if I should just “suck it up” and invite her. Absolutely not! I only want those who truly love me and my Fiance there! She had 20 years to help build our relationship and she didn’t. Those who love me understand my stance. It’s my and my Fiance day! We will have there who we want- end of story.
Post # 26
My father’s health continued to deteriorate as time went on, he had a stroke at Christmas and things continued to worsen. However, my family decided it would be best to keep the seriousness of it from me as the wedding was only a couple of weeks away. Neither my father, his Girlfriend, nor my grandmother were at the wedding on Saturday. My brother tried to tell me how bad things were before I left on the wedding night, but I wasn’t nearly prepared when I traveled and saw my father the next day. He was at the brink of death and had barely held on so that he could see me as a married woman. They told me that he had kept saying that he had to get ready for the wedding and asking for a wheelchair to come to the wedding. That is a bittersweet memory for me. My last conversation with my dad was a short affair, as he could barely stay conscious – but he asked if I was a married woman, I had him feel my rings together (he could no longer see), and our last words to each other were “I love you”. They turned off his IV’s the next day and transferred him to hospice care. He passed away that Thursday afternoon.
It’s amazing how stupid and trivial things like my original post seem to me now that my dad is gone. Let me tell you something – don’t get so caught up in the crap of the wedding whirlwind that you forget the important things… like I did. Cherish every moment you have with your loved ones, you never know how much time you have left with them.
Post # 27
I’m so sorry to hear about your father – but I’m glad you got to see each other one last time.
Post # 29
I’m so sorry love. I’m glad you were able to tell him “I love you”. I never got that with my father. His cancer too him before I could get to the hosptial. He never made it to hospice.
You didn’t get caught up in trivial stuff. Your dad’s Girlfriend was insane to imply the stuff she did. However I wish you both peace during this time