(Closed) ISO Help for Frazzled MOG!

posted 5 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MomToSix:  I don’t understand why you are taking on the role of super mom and worrying about all of this. I know you want your son to have the best wedding possible, so I understand that, but it is their wedding, and they need to make mistakes/choices. It shouldn’t be you doing that.

You are a saint for offering up your house, and I think if you are doing that then just worry about making sure the back yard is set up for a ceremony. As for the food, if she just wants finger food then so be it. If she has people helping with decorations just try to trust that they can do it instead of doubting her, and if they don’t get it done so what? If they want an hour or two hour long ceremony, then let them have it. It is what is important to them.

And get your dress. This is a tradition I do not understand, so I would go ahead and get it, especially if the MOB is that uninvolved.

In my opinion, I think you are comparing too much of their wedding to your daughter’s, and I am sure the bride feels that too, and I bet if she could yell and scream she would say that she doesn’t want a wedding like your daughter. Just try to be happy for them. Part of parenting is allowing your kids to fall on their face and make mistakes. However, I don’t think that is the case here. It will turn out because at the end of the whole day your son and his Fiance will be happily married.

Post # 4
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

Your son and future DIL are adult enough to get married, so they’re adult enough to plan a wedding. Honestly, I would let them plan it the way they want. If the guests aren’t enjoying themselves and they leave early, it doesn’t matter. Don’t try to make this wedding into your daughter’s wedding or into a wedding that your son and future DIL don’t want.

Wait for them to ask for your help.


Post # 5
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MomToSix:  It would have been a good idea not to offer your home until you found out more about the wedding details and planning so you wouldn’t be stuck in such a bad position.  If you let her do things her way, the wedding guests will probably find a lot of it to be rude.  If you try to take over, your FDIL may get upset with you.  Since the wedding is going to be at your home, it will likely reflect on you in some way as a hostess so I can totally understand wanting to get involved in the planning.

Potluck dinner – Generally considered rude unless it’s common in your area or with your church.  If this is okay in your community then it needs to be an actual dinner since the ceremony and reception will be during the dinner hour; the entire event would have to end by 6pm to avoid serving dinner.  That said, having a potluck for 200 people sounds stressful and it will probably be difficult to coordinate it unless it’s common to throw potlucks that large.  My family’s church does them for funerals but it’s for less than 100 people.  Maybe look into ordering trays of food or preparing a few main dishes as a gift to the couple so there is something to eat.

Ceremony – I would honestly leave this one alone.  If they want to be super religious and/or have a long ceremony, it’s up to them.  They may decide at the last minute to cut it down to a shorter, simpler ceremony.

Decorations – Again, if she only wants to dedicate one day to making decor, I would leave it alone.  A wedding doesn’t have to be about decor.

Reception – Make sure guests know the wedding will be outside so they can dress accordingly.  As for keeping it short, it sounds like they don’t really care about haivng much of a reception and want the focus to be on their ceremony; there’s nothing wrong with that.  If they don’t serve alcohol and they don’t want scular music, most people are going to eat and leave and it sounds like that is fine with them.  As for setting up, if they refuse to help out then I would tell them that maybe they need to have their wedding somewhere more convenient for them to set things up.  But it sounds like you are going to get stuck doing everyhting since it’s your home or risk being considered a bad hostess.

Your Dress – Just pick soemthing out that you like.  You only have a few weeks to go and it sounds like you are going to be doing tons of works as the wedding approaches.  I would shop and buy something ASAP.

Maybe take a step back and let things happen as they may and make it clear to guests/friends/family that ask that you gave your FDIL the space and let her plan out the wedding she wanted.

Post # 6
46417 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MomToSix:  Whew! You sound like a very thoughtful and generous Mom to even think of hosting that large a wedding at your home on short notice.

First of all, take a deep breath and continue doing that over the next few weeks. You’re going to need to.

Remember that these are their decisions and will reflect on them not you.

The reception

I will leave out any discussion on the propriety of asking guests to supply the food. It seems that this is a done deal.

Many weddings have “heavy apps” instead of a regular full meal. If you re worried about not enough food, purchase lots of buns and sliced meats as backup.

Have several food stations set up around the yard so people don’t have to line up at one buffet. If at all possible, hire someone to handle the work of keeping the stations refilled.

There is no need for alcohol. If people can’t socialize for one evening without it and have a good time, they have a problem.

Ditto with dancing. You could have appropriate music playing softly in the background, but people will be fine eating and socializing.

The ceremony

You have expressed your concerns. Now let them go. You are right. Some of your non-religious guests may be uncomfortable, but they are attending a religious wedding.

The wedding will be fine with whatever decorations are available. A few buckets of hydraneas woudl suffice.

 Your dress

Go ahead and purchase a dress. With such short notice, it is not reasonable to expect you to wait.

Post # 8
4040 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

There is one thing I think you and your FDIL should talk about – a RAIN PLAN!!!! You said everything is going ot be outside – you need a plan in case it rains, is really really windy, is drastically colder than usual, etc.

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