Post # 1
1. Fiance is a Catholic who rarely goes to church, months between he goes yet he is still faithful, etc & I am completely supportful.
2. I am a non-practicing Jew. I’ve never been to Hebrew school thus never had the whole speal that comes with it. However, my mother & her side has taught me about the religion.
3. whenever Future Mother-In-Law gets drunk (which is often) she is constantly on my back about if Fiance & I are going to have a religious ceremony. I keep saying ‘no’, she keeps insisting that it’s important to Fiance, yada yada yada. Now, with neither of us practicing the others religion, technically, we can’t & I don’t believe a Priest nor a Rabbi would marry us.
4. Fiance & I have talked at nausium about this topic. He does NOT need a religious ceremony, whatever will make me happy will make him happy.
So, with all of that said… what should I do? Has anyone else had to deal with this? It’s been awhile since Future Mother-In-Law has mentioned anything but WTF? How do I deal with her?
Post # 3
My FI’s family is catholic and part of my family is jewish. Neither of us are practicing and are both more spiritual than religious. Fortunately, this hasn’t come up yet but if it does, this is how I’d handle it: As kindly as possible try and explain to her that 1) you and your Fiance have discussed it and you are confident you will work something out between the two of you that makes you both comfortable and 2) if she pushes it, just explain to her that with you and your family’s background, you don’t really feel comfortable having a catholic ceremony. Basically, just tell her to back the F off! Jk 😉 But seriously…
Post # 4
Fiance and I are going through something similar. My understanding is that you can have an interfaith ceremony, but it’s dodgy because of Catholic rules about raising your children Catholic. HOWEVER, it’s a moot point since that’s not what you want. Your wedding = one day where your values, beliefs, and wishes are respected.
If you feel the need, I suggest doing a little research on the subject, just so that you can say to Future Mother-In-Law exactly why you won’t be doing one if she brings it up and you feel you need to answer her. Frankly, I would recommend a short answer and then a change of subject when she does.
Post # 5
elizabeth.blakenhorn: I like your thinking!! but I’ve already tried the 1st route. I’d love to tell her the 2nd one.
MissHelen: I like your thinking as well!! true about the kids brought up Catholic. I’ll do some research, however, when she persists there’s NO getting off the subject.
Post # 6
your best bet would be to contact the church your fiance attends when he goes (or where his parents are registered or attending mass). he’ll most likely have to be registered with the parish and start attending it regularly…just make sure you dont cave to her if its not what you two really want!!!!
Post # 7
you could always tell her you’re doing something WAY out there, like doing your vows while skydiving, and so when you suggest the Justice of the Peace idea, it sounds like a way better alternative.
Post # 8
oh and i dont know if a catholic priest would do an interfaith ceremony…we were told that for our priest to marry us, it would have to be in a catholic church…he couldnt even do it in an episcopal church. i think rules vary…so dont hold me to this!
Post # 9
Oooooo I think Melissabegins has a point…it doesn’t seem like it could hurt at this point.
Post # 10
Go with whomever you and your fiance want since it is your wedding. FMIL’s opinions don’t matter in this case, especially since it’s not her wedding to begin with.
Post # 11
If you really feel like you have to have a ceremony, I highly recommend the Episcopal ceremony. Episcopal priests are a little more flexible about not marrying in the church, marrying non-church members etc. Plus, if she gets belligerent about the Catholic part, just remind her that the Catholics say it with a big C and we (Episcopalians) say it with a little c! (True! “one holy catholic and apostolic church…)
Honestly if a Justice of the Peace were allowed to marry us in North Carolina, I would have already booked one.
Good luck with the FMIL!