- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
Hi bees, I have posted previously about a friend and am having another issue with her. I don’t know what to do. We’re both in a wedding (I’m Maid/Matron of Honor and she was a late add BM) and she is also in my bridal party. I have tried to involved whoever in the bridal party wanted to be in the planning of the shower. When they got engaged, I said that I would throw the shower and bachelorette party with the help of BMs who wanted to help. They’ve had a long engagement like me, 2 yrs so a lot of the shower stuff had been planned when this said Bridesmaid or Best Man was asked.
In my emails to the group I have asked for suggestions etc and no one really seemed to voice them so I kept on planning. Now 3 weeks before the shower, this said Bridesmaid or Best Man is telling me she feels out of the loop and left out and that anytime she offers to do something she feels like she’s stepping on my toes. Now this could be true, I am a bit of a control freak and I’ll admit that but I am the one who’s technically throwing it and organizing everything. I have asked for her opinion, given her projects to work on her own, I don’t think I’ve shut her out here. She’s the kind of person I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around. She can be quite moody and sensative. Everytime I’ve said sure definitely, I don’t know if she doesn’t think I am being sincere when I am because she’s getting the feeling like I don’t want her to help. I’ve said thank you to her a bazillion times and anything she wants to do would be great. I have tried to go above and beyond to make her feel good about the situation knowing how sensative she is.
So I get this email today saying how she’s feeling hurt and left out and maybe the other BMs are too etc. The email was perfectly nice, nothing rude but she should have just called me and shouldn’t be speaking for the other BMs– seems like an attempt to make me feel more guilty
So I called her and didn’t get her so I left a VM pretty much saying so sorry you’ve been feeling this way, you should have called sooner so we could work it out and I have been trying to make an effort lately to include you more but it seems to have gone unnoticed. I also voiced that I thought it was unfair for her to speak on behalf of the other girls when I know they just kinda want to show up and don’t have the time to plan. I also explained that some of this was all planned and envisioned before she was asked to be a part of the bridal party.
SO HERE’S MY QUESTION: Do I suck it up, apologize and let her do more for the shower that’s all ready pretty much planned? OR do I stick to my guns and say yes, I am sorry never my intention but I think I have made an effort to include you?
There ALWAYS seems to be something with this girl. She is always making something out of nothing and I just don’t know how much more I can take, I am really starting to resent her for it. I just think we’re really growing a part. BUT we are in this wedding together and she is also in mine. I don’t know if after the wedding I really want to keep working at this friendship because really at this point, that’s what it feels like, work. Is it worth the drama of ending a frienship now before the weddings? She has already bought her dress for mine– if things end badly (I’m sure she’ll call back tonight and we’ll have to have a talk) do I offer to pay for her dress?
CONFUSED! Thanks for letting me vent and congrats if you made it through all this! haha 🙂