(Closed) Issue with GM, do I have a right to be upset?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

This is an issue for the groom to handle, not you. It’s his groomsman, and he’s the one who was hoping for guy time. If it bothers him that much, let him say something. Otherwise you run the risk of being "that wife" — the one who interferes in her husband’s friendships.

Post # 5
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would definitely suggest an alternative plan!  I know it would put a damper on my guy’s day to have a girl he wasn’t particularly fond of tagging along. 

I believe it was Miss Pinot Noir who was just in a similar situation and she had a great time hanging out around town while Mr. PN was doing wedding/groomsman stuff.  Maybe she would have a suggestion for a non-offesive way to tell them. 

Post # 6
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles

My husband was recently best man in a wedding and was gone for several hours prior to the wedding for photos/ketubah signing, etc.  So I just made plans to hang out with the other groomsmens’ gfs and wives.  It was fun getting to know them and that way I wasn’t in any one’s hair.  Maybe try suggesting she hang out with another groomsman’s gf or wife– maybe they could get lunch together or go shopping?

Post # 7
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

She should definetly not be "tagging along" during that time! When my Fiance was in a wedding I LOVED having some down time in the hotel and town by myself! I was invited to come early to watch pictures but I had plans of my own!

And I agree that your Fiance should do the telling on this one. Even though you are both friends with Groomsmen, your Fiance should be the one to say "we will be having guy time and no girls allowed."

If you are doing Out of Town bags, include some ideas of things to do. Or she can just take a nap!

Post # 8
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Rainforest wedding, beachfront restaurant reception

I think the "no girls allowed" message sounds better coming from the groom than from the bride even though you are both friends with the groomsman. Otherwise, it might sound like you are the one that is uncomfortable with her or jealous of having girls around the groom when in reality, the groom just wants some "guy time."

Post # 9
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

Guys have a way of making their friends understand that it’s "guy time"….usually by calling each other girl part names and such in a joking way that the Groomsmen will understand and tell his gf that she can’t come along hopefully.  Women have a way of making everything sound witchy….it’s a gift, haha.  The only thing your hubby should be careful of is alienating that Groomsmen because that is HIS friend and he doesn’t want to strain his friendship because of something pretty silly like this.  It really shouldn’t bother you because you’re not going have to hang out with her if she’s a tagalong.  Think about it though, the only person she knows in a strange city is her boyfriend….it is weird for her too.  I’ve done it many times….it kinda sucks.  I hate when my fiancee is in a wedding, and he hates when I am because it’s like we have to be separated the whole day.  That’s why we’re keeping our attendants with their significant others as much as possible.  I’m making sure the dates sit at the head table with us and that they dance with their dates, not their corresponding attendants.  As far as I’m concerned, the days of not getting to eat together and watching each other dance with other people are over. 

Post # 10
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I agree that it’s probably not your place to say anything.

But…what if you made her an appointment for a massage/manicure/etc for Saturday morning? Tell her you feel bad that she won’t have anything to do and you’d like to treat her. Should you have to do this? Of course not, but it might be 50 bucks well spent.

Post # 11
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I think the last suggestion is the best one, that way see feels like she has something to do.  Also I am not sure if you have a wedding schedule but you could say…"THE BOYS SUITE" or something that would cause the Groomsmen to have to ask if she can come… I think we have wording that says "event name: where boys become men" it may help get the boys only message across. Also it will be easy for your Fiance to say we need only the wedding party for pics so we can get them done quickly, we have reserved blah blah area for your signifcant other to meet us…

Post # 12
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

You could have your fiance go ahead and decide exactly what’s going on that day–are they golfing, getting brunch, whatev, and send that info out in an email to all the groomsmen, mentioning in there that the activities that day are only for the groomsmen. That way he’s not singling anyone out.

I don’t think you need to pay for an activity for her to do that day. She’ll figure something out. We’ve all been there. If you’re have Out of Town bags, she’ll be able to get ideas for things to do from that.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

well, once upon a time when I was new to my husband’s group and they were all in the wedding party for a pair that was getting married.  I was so new that the invitations had gone out already but they could tell something serious was brewing so I was invited and welcomed to tag along for most of the day, at least between the ceremony and reception (it was a late morning wedding ceremony, followed by some bridal party and family only activities and an off site photo session before the dinner reception) though I did not impose myself on any of the pregame.  My husband-then-boyfriend just picked me up on his way to the church, and I stayed with him the rest of the day, and tried not to be in the way.  I was graciously invited to be in a couple of photos during the wedding party photo shoot.

I mean, I’m putting myself in this girl’s shoes.  She’s coming from out of town, part of the day is blocked out for the ceremony and reception, so it’s probably awkward to find herself activites to work around that and it would definitely be mean if she likely wouldn’t have much anything else to do to do if she was on her own.

However, if her boyfriend is wanted for boys only activites, then it’s up to the groom to talk to the dude and figure it out.

The topic ‘Issue with GM, do I have a right to be upset?’ is closed to new replies.

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