(Closed) Issue with modest BM

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ah, if it’s a modesty issue, then all you can really do is try to be supportive and understanding. For her, it’s not just a preference, it’s probably a way of life. I’m sure you guys can work to find some cute alternatives!

Post # 4
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Can the MOH wear the bolero as well?  That way they’d both be matching, and Bridesmaid or Best Man will feel comfortable. 

Even if one wears the bolero and the other one doesn’t, I still think it will work.  A lot of people like to distinguish between the Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs, maybe this can be a way of telling the difference between the two!

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d be a little bummed too.  I don’t think you can classify that as being unreasonable because you haven’t told her she can’t modify the dress… right?  Did they order the dresses already?  If not, is it possible to find a dress that will provide the coverage she needs and accommodate your MOH?  It sounds tough but maybe its possible. 

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah why don’t they both wear boleros for photos? Then the other Bridesmaid or Best Man can take hers off later.

I don’t think it’ll look weird in photos–i went to a wedding in October where one of the bridesmaids was very overweight and in a strpaless dress and she wore a bolero (but nobody else did). I thought it made her look classy,, honestly, but not in a “i want to stand out” kind of awy.

So i don’t think it’ll be a big deal if your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t want a bolero.

Post # 7
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Or you could find a style of dress that she would feel comfortable wearing without having to wear a bolero or anything and have them both wear it. Ask what she would feel comfortable in. Maybe a dress with wide straps and scoop or v-neck top. There are plenty of pretty and modest dresses.

Post # 9
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Honestly, I don’t think anyone will even notice.  All eyes will be on the bride!

Post # 10
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

If you really want them to match, couldn’t they both wear boleros?

Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with DG, no one will notice. If it makes you feel any better I’m actually encouraging my BM’s to all wear different shoes and not all get the same hairstyle on purpose so they look different and unique.

But I wish I knew wearing a bolero was an option! I am also conservative and was humiliated by the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress I had to wear for a friends wedding. It was super low cut and showed all of my cleavage no matter what I did with alterations. I sucked it up and wore it anyway, but would have loved to cover up! The way I saw it was it’s her day, not mine I shouldn’t care how I look.

Post # 12
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Bolero <<<<<< Bridal gown.  No one is going to be distracted by a wee jacket.

Agree that perhaps both BMs could wear the boleros?  Or perhaps your Maid/Matron of Honor could choose another original ccessory to accent her outfit?

Post # 14
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If she is pretty conservatice the dress is one that would make her uncomfortable. Strapless and sweetheart neckline and kind of form fitting. I would definately let her find something to wear over it to make her more comfortable, if you are are set on them both having to wear that dress. There is a reason why you asked her to be a bridesmaid and you should want her to stay true to who she is. I don’t think guests will think anything of it and it definately won’t take any attention away from you.

Post # 15
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

It’s pretty common to not have bridesmaids wear the same dress.  I say let her get something she is comfortable in in the same color.  I would never want my bridesmaids/friends to compromise their values or comfort level to look a certain way.

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