(Closed) Resolved.

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

That doesn’t sound that weird to me (but I have no kids). Maybe she wondered why you were taking so long in the coat room and wanted to make sure nothing funny was going on, especially since you’re new and they don’t know you yet.

I am a believer in trusting your gut though. But I just don’t think this sounds that odd… or maybe I’m not understanding? She was looking in the coat room in a way that was kind of “spying,” so it wasn’t obvious that she was watching you, right?

Post # 4
8 posts

I think it’s no big deal…I worked as a trainer in the child care world and they’re taught over and over to observe parent/child behaviour to look for signs of abuse. I think it’s pretty normal.

eta: and I would consider it a good sign that they’re observant!

Post # 6
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My daycare provider tells me about how she likes to see how we are with our kids, and she definitely “observes” during pickup/drop off. I would guess that’s what the woman was doing at your daycare. I don’t think that this is anything to worry about…even if you did talk to the lead, what would you want her to do? 

Post # 8
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That doesn’t sound strange to me at all…


You’re “assuming” they are “spying.” You can’t read their minds; you have no idea what they’re thinking. When I worked at a daycare, if a child and parent disappeared for a long time in a coat closet, I would also peek in to see if they needed help or if I’d missed them leaving or something.

Post # 9
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think it’s a big deal (personally). When kids are younger, teachers/caregivers  like to see how parents are with their kids to help them understand how to handle the kids better (when they are that young, there should be consistency). I honestly don’t think it’s personal, however – you have mothers intuition and if it makes you uncomfortable, you should definitely speak with someone at the daycare center. But please don’t stress out. 🙂 I am glad that you are concerned, it shows how much you care!

Side note – I was not there so if it was a really “creepy” situation – that could be a different story.

Post # 10
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think you are seriously overreading into the actions and motivations of this person “spying” on you. It’s completely normal for her to watch a parent interact with a child. I’m kind of concerned that you would jump so quick to spying conclusions.

Post # 11
1075 posts
Bumble bee

That doesn’t sound fishy to me at all. Maybe she was just checking to see if you needed any help, or she was just observing. I know back when I worked with kids I liked to watch the way the parents interacted with the child because it really helped me learn what worked with the children best. 

Post # 12
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn

I’ve worked at child care facilities and this type of behavior is totally normal. Anything that happens on school grounds is the responsibility of the facility, so it’s risky to leave you unsupervised at any point. This is especially true if you’re a new member of the community. We are always looking for signs of abuse and cannot trust anyone around our students or classroom possessions. 

Post # 13
203 posts
Helper bee

I definitely think you should leave it.  I started my career as a preschool teacher and observing parent child behavior is a great tool.  It shows you how the parent handles the child and what works.  It can also explain certain child behavior.  

As other posters have said, she doesn’t know you that well.  You know what was going on in the closet, but she didn’t.  I would probably have been curious to know what was taking so long as well or to be observant of potential abuse.

Whatever it was, I don’t believe she was doing it to be malicious.

Post # 15
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Curiousgeorge:  I agree with other PP’s that this is most likely normal protocol. As for why she didn’t come right out and ask you because well when you know you are being watched you act differently. She was trying to observe the parent/child interaction. She couldn’t have observed the normal interaction if you had know she was observing…Also, she might have not wanted to disturbed you and was just checking in.

Post # 16
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You are seriosuly overracting. I have worked in child care in preschools and I have been a teacher for many years. This lady was observing how you are with your child. Teachers like to see how parents and children are together. This lady is with your child all day, she is not only building a trusting relationship with your child but also with you but she may feel as though she cant, and I could see why based on how you make assumptions so easily. 

Many new teachrs are given research projects and parent/child observation is a big study they have to conduct, she could have been doing that. 

OR…on another side of it, she could have thought what I would have and I probably would have been judgeing you for the fact that you were rushing your child out the door when he clearly wanted to show you around the place he spends a good amount of time at daily. I have done extensive research on early childhood development and rushing a child is not good. I know that situations arise and life is busy and you dont want to spend a bunch of time there, you want to pick him up and get out of there. However, your child spends a good amount of time there. That is where he can explore, be a scientist, artist, reader, writer (even at toddler stages). He wants to show you every detail of the place he loves and gets to explore everyday. Instead of rushing him, slow down and take the time to let him show you around. Perhaps you could even chat with the care givers for 5 minutes and ask how your childs day was, or even how ‘her’ day was…she did just watch a bunch of kids all day and is prbably tired and may appreciate a parent who acknowledes her hard work. 

As far as the cookie, if she gave him the cookie before you got there, no she wouldnt take it away. If she gave him the cookie while you were there then she was just trying to be nice because if she had not have given your child the cookie he would have noticed all the others getting one and would have felt left out. If you dont like them feeding your child cookies, then you should talk to the director and go over menu options (this will depend on what type of program this is). Most places will let you put guidlines on what your child can be given. 

Good luck with this but please dont make assumptions so quickly. Appreciate the people who watch your child all day. The nicer you treat them, the nicer they will be toward your child and toward situations that may arise with your child. 


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