(Closed) Issue with my mom over where to stay night before and where to get ready

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

breathe. tell your mom you want to share this time with her but that you don’t want to be made to feel bad. then don’t get sucked into it.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Nontra.
Post # 3
Member
30388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would tell my Mom that if I am old enough to get married, I am old enough to decide where I sleep the night before the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
smilam09: tell her you’re sorry she’s upset and ask her “why are you saying [repeat back mean things to her] to your daughter?”

Try to get to the core of the issue, and if she’s not willing to participate, just say that you’re sorry that she isn’t open to coming to the hotel to get ready with you, and unless she is willing to have a conversation about what’s really bothering her, this isn’t productive and you’ll talk to her when she’s ready to talk in a productive, non-manipulative way. 

and repeat. 

Post # 5
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Cornucopia St. Charles

View original reply
smilam09:  wow sounds like what I went through with my mother.  It’s tough to stand your ground when moms get mean.  Your arrangements sound like it will make it a lot less stressful for you and all concerned.  Whatever you decide make sure you have all of your things, because when I acquiesced I left my gloves at my house and i was super pissed.  Good luck whatever your decision.  

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Star66.
Post # 7
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I agree.  My husband and i each had a room at our hotel the night before.   me and the bridesmaids began hair and makeup in it next morning, until we could move next door to the bridal suite.  Made things much easier. 

Post # 8
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Next time she brings it up, let her know your plans and that she is free to join. If she starts getting angry again, tell her you will be happy to discuss it with her when she is calm and then hang up the phone or walk out of the room. She is acting like a spoiled child. You are doing a great job of standng your ground. This day is about you and your fiance, not her.

Post # 9
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Wow, sounds like your mom is finally getting a long overdue reality check about being an adult: the world doesn’t revolve around her. Good for you on standing your ground, and I think you definitely make a wise decision to refuse her financial aid and the strings that come with it. I agree with all of the PPs suggestions to not give in, calmly discuss your plans, and tell her that you’ll be happy to discuss things when she isn’t emotional and manipulative. Rinse and repeat ad nauseum.

Post # 10
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
smilam09:  How annoying that your mom is making a big deal out of the relatively minor issue of where you get ready because she’s mad she didn’t get her way on other things, like inviting her friends to your wedding. Your plan makes sense. Stick to your guns and let her know that she’s welcome to join you in getting ready, but you’ll understand if she can’t. It’s good that your sister is on your side, so you’ll have a member of your family with you on the morning of the wedding even if your mom continues to be childish.

Post # 12
Member
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Just tell your mom what the arrangements are, in a tone that says “the decision has been made” and is not open for further discussion.

My mom used to act that way too, act upset if she didn’t get her way.

The topic ‘Issue with my mom over where to stay night before and where to get ready’ is closed to new replies.

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