(Closed) issue with my wife regarding neighbor photographer and her husband

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s really common to have a husband/wife shooting team in general, although I have no clue about how that works for boudoir shoots. I honestly think it’s 100% fine to insist on it being a ladies only event from here on out.

Post # 4
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Im with you on this one. She should respect your concerns

Post # 5
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have to admit I was a little shocked that the neighbor didn’t disclose who the ‘assistant’ was beforehand.  It’s a very vulnerable shoot, h’es male, and they know each other.  I think it was tactless on the neighbor’s part.  BUT, it’s up to your wife if she’s comfortable continuing with him present.  I think.  I don’t know…getting married in 2 weeks, what do I know? Although if my husband balked I would totally be like ‘cool!’.

Does wifey know you’re on here? 

edited for clarification…and a lot of typos.

Post # 6
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

I would say, talk with him. I’m sure he’ll understand.

Post # 7
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you might be overreacting a little. The guy is a professional and it’s probably not the first shoot like this that he’s been apart of. Photographers use assistants because it makes the shoot go faster and smoother, so he probably wasn’t just there to watch.

However, since they are professionals, I think it’s okay for you to nonconfrontationally mention that the shoot should be ladies only. Maybe you could even suggest that you and he go do some “guy thing” while the ladies do the next shoot.

Post # 8
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think that although your discomfort is understandable, it is your wife who is vulnerable in front of her friends, and if she’s ok with it, I think you should try to accept that.

 

If you really can’t, then sit down and talk with your wife about it, but I really think it should be up to her.  You don’t own her body and it isn’t up to you to decide who gets to look at it.  I hope that isn’t harsh, and that you understand where I’m coming from on that.

Post # 9
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@VAwife:  But wouldn’t a professional at least mention that her assistant is her husband?  I mean, since they all know each other?  And I am thinking they’re no so professional if WaveRunner didn’t already know that he assists his wife with shoots.  I dunno.  I think I might be a prude.  tee hee

Post # 10
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@WillyNilly:  I don’t know. I think they probably just viewed it as no big deal. Or maybe they figured that since OP and wife knew they worked together in the photography business it was understood that he’d be assisting. It’s impossible to know for sure, but I think it’s better to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Post # 12
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@WaveRunner:  I would be uncomfortable with that too, but I can also understand how someone else might not be. I think both viewpoints are okay. I do think your wife should respect your concerns though, and any professional photographer should be okay with your wife kindly going to the female half and saying, “Hey, would you mind if we finished our session alone? I would be a little more comfortable that way.”

Maybe if you approach it like you are asking your wife for a favor because it would make you feel better, and make sure you are not accusing her of “wanting” the husband or being a hussy or anything, she will be more inclined to hear you out.

Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@WaveRunner:  If you are uncomfortable, I don’t think that you should ignore that simply to keep the peace. I bet the neighbs would totally be understanding.

Post # 14
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

It’s like having a male doctor… he’s seen those parts a million times before.

Post # 15
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If you are uncomfortable with it, it will probably show in the photos.

Post # 16
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think it’s fine to say you’re not comfortable with it, I think it’s probably even expected (the same way that you can ask to have a male/female doctor, and it’s not a big deal) If they are professionals like you say I’m sure they’re aware that many people have this gender concern and won’t be insulted

 

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