Post # 1
Good evening ladies –
I’m posting here because I’d like rational women’s views on a situation that I have with my wife. It also happens that my wife is a huge fan of your forums.
For our 2nd wedding anniversary she asked me what I wanted and I jokingly said some classy nude photos. I didn’t think she’d take me seriously but it turns out she did. Our neighbors are friends of ours and the woman of the couple is a photographer. They spoke and our neighbor lady photographer agreed to take the pics.
We went to her house a couple of days ago and even though my wife was super nervous, she went through with it. The issue is that partway through the shoot the photographer said she was expecting her assistant. Well her assistant turned out to be her husband. They both were pretty casual and nonchalant and we continued with the shoot. Although they were both professional, I think the husband was purposely positioned himself for “best viewing.”
We ended when my wife got a bit tired and agreed that we’d finish up on the weekend.
When we got home I told my wife I was not cool with our male neighbor friend being present and I don’t want him there when we complete her shoot. She says that I am way over reacting. She also says since they are our friends and neighbors they would be insulted if I voiced my concern.
What should we (I) do? They are good friends and they were for sure professional but I just don’t feel comfortable with my wife being nude in front of the photographer’s husband.
Post # 3
It’s really common to have a husband/wife shooting team in general, although I have no clue about how that works for boudoir shoots. I honestly think it’s 100% fine to insist on it being a ladies only event from here on out.
Post # 4
Im with you on this one. She should respect your concerns
Post # 5
I have to admit I was a little shocked that the neighbor didn’t disclose who the ‘assistant’ was beforehand. It’s a very vulnerable shoot, h’es male, and they know each other. I think it was tactless on the neighbor’s part. BUT, it’s up to your wife if she’s comfortable continuing with him present. I think. I don’t know…getting married in 2 weeks, what do I know? Although if my husband balked I would totally be like ‘cool!’.
Does wifey know you’re on here?
edited for clarification…and a lot of typos.
Post # 6
I would say, talk with him. I’m sure he’ll understand.
Post # 7
I think you might be overreacting a little. The guy is a professional and it’s probably not the first shoot like this that he’s been apart of. Photographers use assistants because it makes the shoot go faster and smoother, so he probably wasn’t just there to watch.
However, since they are professionals, I think it’s okay for you to nonconfrontationally mention that the shoot should be ladies only. Maybe you could even suggest that you and he go do some “guy thing” while the ladies do the next shoot.
Post # 8
I think that although your discomfort is understandable, it is your wife who is vulnerable in front of her friends, and if she’s ok with it, I think you should try to accept that.
If you really can’t, then sit down and talk with your wife about it, but I really think it should be up to her. You don’t own her body and it isn’t up to you to decide who gets to look at it. I hope that isn’t harsh, and that you understand where I’m coming from on that.
Post # 9
@VAwife: But wouldn’t a professional at least mention that her assistant is her husband? I mean, since they all know each other? And I am thinking they’re no so professional if WaveRunner didn’t already know that he assists his wife with shoots. I dunno. I think I might be a prude. tee hee
Post # 10
@WillyNilly: I don’t know. I think they probably just viewed it as no big deal. Or maybe they figured that since OP and wife knew they worked together in the photography business it was understood that he’d be assisting. It’s impossible to know for sure, but I think it’s better to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Post # 11
My wife basically is OK with it. She said she was surprised when he first got there but soon got comfortable. She doesn’t want to make things awkward between us and the neighbors so she wants to go ahead with finishing the shoot with both of them.
I’m just UNcomfortable with our male neighbor friend seeing her nude even if he probably has assited his wife many times in the past. I dunno, maybe I am over reacting.
Post # 12
@WaveRunner: I would be uncomfortable with that too, but I can also understand how someone else might not be. I think both viewpoints are okay. I do think your wife should respect your concerns though, and any professional photographer should be okay with your wife kindly going to the female half and saying, “Hey, would you mind if we finished our session alone? I would be a little more comfortable that way.”
Maybe if you approach it like you are asking your wife for a favor because it would make you feel better, and make sure you are not accusing her of “wanting” the husband or being a hussy or anything, she will be more inclined to hear you out.
Post # 13
@WaveRunner: If you are uncomfortable, I don’t think that you should ignore that simply to keep the peace. I bet the neighbs would totally be understanding.
Post # 14
It’s like having a male doctor… he’s seen those parts a million times before.
Post # 15
If you are uncomfortable with it, it will probably show in the photos.
Post # 16
I think it’s fine to say you’re not comfortable with it, I think it’s probably even expected (the same way that you can ask to have a male/female doctor, and it’s not a big deal) If they are professionals like you say I’m sure they’re aware that many people have this gender concern and won’t be insulted