(Closed) issue with my wife regarding neighbor photographer and her husband

posted 6 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 3
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You can see if your wife is willing to talk to the photographer about perhaps finishing up the shoot with just the two of them, without you or her husband. 

I can see why you’re iffy about it, but if he was being professional and you were present, the possiblilty of something untoward happening is very small.

The only other option I can think of is to suggest using the shots that were already taken, thus removing the need to finish the shoot. Though I’m not sure if that’s a viable option if there are more shots you/she/the photog want to take.

Post # 4
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I personally would be uncomfortable taking sexy pictures in front of another man. And it’s weird to me that the neighbor didn’t mention her “assistant” was her husband.  Even if my Darling Husband and I worked together, I would never refer to him as “my assistant”. I don’t think the neighbor would think anything of it if she said something along the lines of “I feel so silly about this, but it’s really hard for me to do sexy poses in front of someone who isn’t my husband. Would your husband be too offended if it was just you and me at the weekend photo shoot?”

Post # 5
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Um, that is totally innappropriate. I assume that the neighbor is a professional photographer, correct? If she is a professional, she should have absolutely made it clear from the beginning that her assistant was her husband, and she should have given your wife the option for her to say no to him being there.


You don’t need to worry so much about the neighbor’s feelings. She violated some professional (and personal) boundaries. I would tell her that you would like all of the photos taken so far and that there is no need for her to take more.


Also, make sure you close your blinds at night….

Post # 6
305 posts
Helper bee

unless your wife jumped on that guy, so what? 


Post # 8
4371 posts
Honey bee

Pretty awkward that your neighbors have seen your wife naked, even if they’re photographers, know what I mean? Yes, the neighbor should have mentioned her assistant was her husband, since you both know him personally. Personally, I wouldn’t finish the shoot. 

Post # 9
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@HobbyLobbyist:  I agree, she should have said up front that not only she was going to have an assistant but also that her assistant would be her husband.

My photographer was very upfront with everything because she knew that it can be a very awkward situation- she did everything without an assistant.

Post # 10
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Personally I think this is totally weird! And a violation of privacy, nude photos or not. She should mentioned that before hand. Also if it makes you uncomortaBle you wife should respect that, as you should if the situation were reversed

Post # 11
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Friends or not, this situation was one when you were using their professional services and your wife was the client. As the client your wife is completely within her rights to just have the woman present. If they are indeed professional then there should be no feelings hurt. You probably are over reacting a little but if you feel strongly about it then im sure your wife would have no problem asking the husband not to be there. Be clear that you trust her and that this is about your feelings and your comfort level not hers (as hers is clearly more comfortable with it). 

I do think it is weird that your wife was not informed before the event that “the assistant” would be popping in. It worries me a little that he positioned himself for best viewing, what tha! 

Post # 12
1330 posts
Bumble bee

This is highly concerning, because professional photographers usually don`t need assistants for boudoir photgraphy. Lighting problem? She could have taken care of it. Pose not right? She could direct it. It isn’t like she is shooting high action poses that can change in a blink of an eye. It’s nude photography.

A professional photographer would have told you upfront. Her husband could vey well be the assistant however, the photographers job is to ensure the client is comfortable and relaxed.

Who do you think the photographer was trying to make comfortable the most?

The other question I have is, that if you were there, the photographer could have felt more comfortable with her own husband there. Maybe she was worried you two were a bunch of swingers looking to seduce her?

Just trying to look at both perspectives.



Post # 13
8440 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think since your wife was the naked one it is up to her. If she felt like everything was above board and professional and she was comfortable then there is no problem.

Did you think that it might have been uncomfortable for the photographer to have you there? I mean that could be seen as an outsider as a little pervy and that she was a part of some fantasy/erotic simulation for you and your partner. The sexy photo shoot with a female photographer whilst the husband watches on. A bit like a tame porno! Maybe the photographer called her assistant in because she was uncomfortable.

Post # 14
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It sounds like your wife already knew the hubby would be there.  Doesn’t sound like she was surprised at all.

Post # 15
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

This whole thing is crazy.  I wonder how much your wife knew about the husband of the photographer being there.  I feel like this is the makings of a bad porno.

Your wife being so comfortable with it in the first place is what concerns me most.  I would not be comfortable at all to continue with it under those circumstances.

Post # 16
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I personally dont bring assistants for shoots like this and if I need one its a female! Frankly I dont see a need for an assistant for such a shoot.. I can move my lights and such! Ive done many nude shoots for males and females for their SO’s. Its private time!

Im sorry I would not go back to that photographer. You should of been told he was going to be there specially since you’re neighbor/friends. Its Nude photos not a glamour shoot!! I suggest you get a confidentiality agreementt as well so she cant sell or post photos online. I wouldnt trust them one bit for that stunt. Find another professional photographer in your area if you would like more. Google boudoir photographers in your city, Im sure you can find a female.


What did he “assist” her with exactly?? It has perv written all over it! IMO

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