Post # 46
I’m not gonna say anything that the other comments on here, but I felt the need to reply simply because I just know how hard it would be for me to leave when the only big problem here is really about what “commitment” means. My parents are divorced as well and it really does make you view interpersonal relationships and legally binding ones a little bit differently. I definitely believe that you can be in a fully and deeply commited relationship without getting married but I also understand the desire to be married. I feel like he isn’t having trouble commiting to you but rather the idea of marriage. Or perhaps he’s worried that the marriage will change your relationship in some negative way. I don’t think you’re wasting your time and I would just use the rest of the year to really enjoy what you have at the moment. Stay strong and hold fast to the ultimatum. If you need to get married to feel truly commited and he hasn’t proposed you should probably cut your losses. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this and crossing my fingers that he gets over his fears for you!
Post # 47
I don’t think he ever did it maliciously- I think he meant what he said but in the “someday” sense. I’m just tired of waiting for someday. I want to move on with my life- get excited about a wedding, buy a house, start a family, etc, and it’s hard to plan that with someone who isn’t on the same page. We did counseling once a week for about 4 months? I do think he’s being selfish and cowardly- which is a shame because that is not at ALL who he really is- just when it comes to this. As for the after all this do I still want to marry him? I don’t even know anymore. I’m having doubts.
Thank you for sharing! That makes me feel much better. I’m so glad to hear you are happy! I think in the beginning I would have accepted being together married or not, but after everything now I don’t think I could. I feel hurt having been made to wait without clear answers. If marriage was something he was not interested in from the beginning I wish he would have just told me without having to force answers out of him. I do intend to honor the date I gave him.
If i proposed I honestly don’t know what would happen. I think he’d think I’m joking I’ve joked about this before- offhand asked him to marry me, sprung the question mid sentance, joked about vegas, etc. In our last talk when he agreed to my ultimatum he did say he wished he had proposed years ago before all my friends started getting married and setting the expectation us (not sure what to think about this?) I said ok, well if you wished you had done it then, why not now? We can go to the courthouse tomorrow. And he said no because he still believes in the romance and surprise of an actual proposal. So???? wtf???
Post # 48
I worry this story of your friend is exactly how this is going to be! Good news is she is very happy in the end! I have hope whether is does or doesn’t happen I’ll be ok, but gosh is it really going to suck if it doesn’t 🙁
Post # 49
I completly understand your feelings and frustration. At the same time, if you have a good relationship, your living together, family gets along and you’ve been together this long–whats the rush to get married. If he’s not ready or if he is: is this the man you want to spend your life with? In 10 or 15 years do you picture yourself with him?Is this the man you want children with? Is he there for you when shit gets real and hard times happen? etc… If so, then why is marriage so imporntant right now if your both already committed? If you broke up, met someone new and they wanted marriage asap, would marriage be the make or break for that relationship? Marriage isnt anything if its with the wrong person.
In My Humble Opinion, something to also think about is what about yourself? What are your reasons for getting married, and is it the idea of the ring and the wedding that you want so bad or the marriage itself?
Marriage aside; I think you need to decide if your SO is the man for you without this deadline looming over you. If he is, then be with him and be happy. You can’t force him to do something he’s not ready for and I dont think his not being ready for marriage in this instance is a reflection of his commitment to you; because aside from vows and changing your last name–arnt you living how you would if you were married?