Post # 1
Ok so there are many parts to this story. My friend, lets call her Melissa, pretty much gets on everyone’s nerves. None of my other friends like her because of her HUGE problem of interrupting EVERYONE all the time and only ever talking about herself. My Fiance said it was either him or Melissa at our wedding. Our officiant is our friend who also cannot stand Melissa and also does not want her at the wedding. I feel really terrible about this because Melissa and I used to be really close (well as close as you can be when someone only talks about herself). She always refers to me as her “best friend” and she automatically assumes that since I’m getting married she will be IN THE WEDDING. She is going around telling everyone that she is my maid of honor, despite me never saying anything to her about this at all. Our mutual friend Lauren is getting married one week before me, and she has asked Melissa to be in her wedding as a bridesmaid. I feel terrible because I do feel bad for Melissa, but she doesn’t get along with anyone… and she ALWAYS has to be the center of attention. I really do not want her to be in the wedding. It’s a very small wedding anyway (around 30 people in attendance), and I already have one bridesmaid (MOH) and I’m completely content with just her. However, I do want Melissa to come to my wedding. I feel like we are close enough that she should at least be invited. I feel terrible that my Fiance and officiant/friend do not want her to even attend. I have been working on my Fiance and he has finally told me that I can invite her if I want to. I don’t know what to do though because she still thinks she is in the wedding. I need to talk to her about this soon because our wedding is less than 9 months away now! What should I do? Should I invite her at all? Or just invite her to attend but not be a part of the wedding? She will probably be just as mad only attending as she would to not be invited at all. I’m not sure how awkward she will make it with all the people who did not want her to be invited at all.
Post # 3
I was in this situation with a friend. I was honest with her, and ultimately she got mad and stopped talking to me. We no longer are friends. While it made me very upset, I’m very glad I was honest. If she treated me this way, then she wasn’t a good friend anyway. I think if you were to include her when you don’t want to, you would regret it later. I would still invite her to the wedding, but definitely let her know that she will be welcome to attend as a guest.
Post # 4
I’m pretty blunt, so the next time I heard her say she was in the wedding, I would correct her. Let her know it’s a small ceremony, and you’re only having one bridesmaid, but then let her know she’s welcome as a guest. Who knows, if she’s that upset, she may not even come and then you’re ok because you invited her, and your Fiance is ok because she didn’t come.
Post # 5
Your day, your way! If you don’t want her in the wedding, she should not be in the wedding. I am sure you will find a gentle way of letting her know that. Whether or not she graciously accepts the news is another matter entirely–one that you cannot control. There’s nothing more irritating than someone just assuming (and basically demanding) that they are your BM/MOH! I feel for you! Good luck 🙂
Post # 6
I like what TriciaAndDazzling said. Today I had a friend (not a bridesmaid, I’m not a huge fan of her) announce on facebook that she was planning my bachelorette party and to comment if you wanted to come (my wedding is in 18 months and we don’t have a date yet either). I messaged her and explained that she needed to take the status down because the bridesmaids would plan the bachelorette party. I honestly thought she would throw a fit about it but she was pretty understanding. My advice is to tell Melissa you would be happy for her to attend your wedding as a guest. Honestly she should be happy she made it onto a guest list that small. Tell her sooner vs later so she can get over it by the wedding.
ETA: Also if you decide that you don’t want her there, don’t invite her. Just claim the “small guestlist/not enough space” excuse.