- 1 month ago
- Wedding: City, State
Thank you all for such thought-provoking and honest responses– it’s really a tough situation. Her one racist friend I see a lot of is thankfully not stupid enough to be blatantly racist around me (because I would call her out immediately), but I see the undercurrent of things that she posts on social media (I’ve since muted her), and E has straight up told me before that she’s really conservative and pretty racist. E focuses solely on the good in people, it seems, and just brushes it off as “she’s a really great person and will always be there for me, she just has some weird hang ups”. That’s what I mean by delightfully naive. Apparently her two childhood friends that I don’t like absolutely hate each other. Her mom made a comment to the effect of “Oh, E just thinks all of her friends should be friends and make one big happy family” once after E commented on those two disliking each other. P and I were both there and made an “ehhh yeah, she does” face.
E was an only child, and her best friends were essentially her siblings. I think her parents started the pattern of always letting her bring a friend, got used to friends just showing up, and never set boundaries with her- it was never reinforced that you can’t just invite people places without asking first. It seems heavily engrained by now. I’ve gotten used to group events with a random collection of her friends, and that doesn’t bother me. I can go with the flow and choose not to converse with those I don’t have much in common with.
But… I do think you all are right about the trio days. I need to be more honest with her. Group events for her birthday, Christmas at her house, etc. are one thing, but 1) adding a fourth person to an outing or hangout that was planned between the three of us, or 2) inviting people to events she’s not the one planning or hosting is taking it too far. I’m tired of feeling backed into a corner, so I’m going to have to be more proactive with my planning and probably have a separate conversation with her.