- 2 years ago
This will be DHs and I’s first married Christmas. He has 2 sets of parents: his stepmom & Dad, and his Mom & stepdad.
His stepmom has been in his life for 25 years. She is the matriarch of his dad’s side of the family, and very much “rules the roost” so to speak. Not afraid to be bold or act like she’s in charge. Darling Husband is respectful and just goes with the flow, sometimes if she oversteps, he’ll complain but he doesn’t really like to rock the boat. He does comment that she really overvalues her role in his life and makes it a point to say “she’s not my mom”.
For the past 2 years, I’ve been expected to attend 4 holidays – all on Saturdays – at his dad & stepmom’s house. I don’t mean invited, I mean EXPECTED to attend. We literally mark the Saturdays on the calendar and cannot consider skipping. We are told what to bring or Darling Husband is expected to be the one to grill for 50 ppl. We get texted if we’re late because “people want to eat”. 1. Memorial Day BBQ, 2. Labor Day BBQ, 3. Saturday before Thanksgiving Luncheon, 4. Saturday before Christmas Luncheon.
DH’s Mom and stepdad are the exact opposite. They are so go with the flow. Similiar to my family. They INVITE you to attend holidays but there is no expectation, they don’t require you to bring certain things or to cook upon arrival. They are the ones to entertain and host. My family celebrates 2 holidays: Thanksgiving dinner & Christmas dinner. That’s it. But they realize we have a few families we’re juggling so it’s up to us. No pressure.
His tradition is to do Christmas Eve dinner with his Mom, then he stays at their house and spends Christmas Morning at his mom’s after that, he USUALLY goes to his Dad and stepmom’s and stays for Dinner. This year, his stepmom texted him something along the lines of “don’t worry, now that you are married, Santa doesn’t expect you to be here in the morning to open gifts”. Implying that they do expect us for Christmas dinner.
I’m just…. at the point where I feel like I need to stop her in her tracks and make it clear that we are not under her rule. She oversteps to the point of trying to dictate what religion our NON EXISTANT children will practice. It’s too much for me and Darling Husband is so laid back and used to her, he just ignores her crazy.
MInutes after Darling Husband announced he was proposing to me, his stepmom’s response was “well, she’s Catholic, will she want a mass? will it be in a Catholic church?” and then tells Darling Husband “You know, you need to find yourself a nice Baptist church because children need to be raised with religion”. LOL, perfect time to suggest a 34 yr old man find religion.
At our wedding rehearsal at a country club, they played Ave Maria while I was walking down the aisle (the song I chose), she kept saying to Darling Husband “that’s not what she’s really walking to, is it? she can’t walk to that!”. They contributed nothing to wedding, and she’s criticizing my music.
The day after our wedding, when everyone is just congratulating us and telling us how wonderful the wedding was and telling to have fun on the honeymoon, his dad and stepmom text Darling Husband to chastize him for drinking too much at the wedding. Oh, and then have balls to complain they didn’t get a chance to eat cake so can they have OUR leftover cake? (The leftover cake that I emailed the wedding planner to include in our getaway car b/c I knew I wasn’t gonna get a chance to eat it at wedding!)
It’s just….I’m used to parents who are selfless and generous and only want their children’s happiness. She tells Darling Husband that they want to do a blessing at our rehearsal dinner, after we specifically said we were not including religion. My father goes to Catholic church every week and gave a huge chunk to cover our wedding but he never ever ever mentioned having it at his church or saying Grace or having mass. It is just… hard to deal with their neediness.
I’ll be honest, the religious thing is really the thorn in my side. On a grand scale, I have no tolerance for her intolerance and I am annoyed that they pissed Darling Husband off the day after our wedding, it was not the right time to lecture him on his drinking. Frankly – if he was too drunk, I would have been the FIRST person to reel him and insist he stop! But the major thing is I am so hurt and baffled at how ANYONE could suggest that their stepson intentionally choose a completely different religion than their intended spouse right before getting engaged. Why would any maternal figure want to intentionally divide a couple or a potential family? It just… it’s NOT ok with me. And the fact that she mentioned our future kids and religion. This is not a battle I’m going to entertain when we have a family, I will shut her down and limit contact if it becomes an issue.
I’m sorry this is just a rant. I’m PMSing and I just… the holiday thing came up and the comment annoyed me.