(Closed) Issues with diet and DH.. *sigh*

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

First of all, tell him that his behavior isn’t helping.  Some guys want to just fix things and that seems like what he is trying to do, not make fun of you for not working out.

I think you need to not have such a restrictive diet.  If you allow yourself little splurges every so often, you won’t feel the need to binge like crazy after having one bad thing.  A healthy lifestyle isn’t all or nothing, it’s little choices every day.  If you make one bad decision, oh well just move on and make a good one next time.  Don’t let one bad decision lead to another and another and another.

Post # 4
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Oh girl, I am going through the same thing. I really need to loose 40 lbs, especially because soon we will TTC and I cant hit my 200 mark when pregnant. 

My Darling Husband is not super fit and a bit chunky but not huge. To me he is perfect but the problem is that everytime I try to be good, he wants to go out to dinner or have some drinks. 

Its hard to stay focus when he wants to go out for clam chowder, ribs and so fourth. I know I could always eat something healthy where ever we go but its hard when he is eating hot wings and drinkng beer.

I really need to get going on this new lifestyle change, instead of pushing it to Monday like I do every week. 🙁 Maybe we can support eachother. 

Post # 5
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I feel your pain.   And mostly you know they mean well.   Fiance has started things like, lets go for a walk.  Well, sometimes after work a 14hr day, I don’t want to go for a walk.   Or things like he will buy chips because he loves them and hides them in his office so I don’t see them and have some.  I think its sweet that he’s trying to be supportive, but also insulting because, what does he think?  I can’t have a chip?

Really hard to find the balance.  For me, I’ve had much larger weight swings. I flucuate by 100lbs.   When I met him I was a size 6, I gained 120lbs of which I’ve only lost 60.   I guess I’m happy that he loves me no matter what.  And, I can see how he didn’t meet a heavy person, so it must seem different to him. 

Post # 6
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsTimmy:  He does tell me lets go to the gym but in all honestly sometimes I dont have the energy. He can stop drinking soda and loose 15 lbs. I, on the other hand, need to stop eating and work out 24/7 to get that kind of result. UGH 

Post # 7
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with PPs. My husband can be like this too, and sometimes I just have to ask him to stop, look him in the eyes, and tell him “right now I need x, y, and z from you to support me. I know that you’re trying to help me and encourage me in your way, but I feel like you’re my football coach right now.” Haha. He finally understood that what motivates him doesn’t necessarily motivate me.

I know that he wants me to tell him to get off his @$$ and hit the gym when he’s dragging, where as I need to be gently encouraged (ask me to go for a walk together, or bring me to a froyo date after you’ve seen me eat well a few days rather than give me the “mom look” when I’m having a snack on chips or something). It’s not romantic, and it’s sure not an easy-flow response, but sometimes just saying straight out “I need this right now” can make both understand how to help the other.

Maybe when workouts/diet are not being discussed, have a quick little chat with him about what would help you most, and give him clear examples. (ie instead of a tweet from the gym, a nice post it on the mirror in the morning about how he’s proud of you for X or Y would really make you motivated, etc). He doesn’t need to get why it helps you and his way doesn’t (if he does, well great!), just get that it’s what you really need from him.

Post # 9
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve been in this situation in a past relationship, only in reverse. 

I’m a marathon runner.  I run 5 days per week.  On top of that i take about 2-3 spin studio classes per week, watch my food intake, and do Bikram yoga.  I’ve never met someone who loves to sweat as much as I do.  I admit that its borderline obsessive.  My ex was overweight and had a binge eating problem.  The thing that made me ragey was that he didn’t seem to want to do anything about it.  He wanted me to comfort him and stop him from bingeing, but when I left, he would just go ahead and binge.  I don’t understand eating your feelings, but I do understand not being motivated.  I’m not an emotional person…I’m driven entirely by logic.

Your DH’s perspective is likely: If you don’t like bingeing, just don’t do it. 

easier said than done. 

I think what you need to acknowledge is that deprivation will lead to bingeing.  Low-carb diets will especially lead to bingeing, because carb deprivation = lower levels of serotonin in your brain = your body wants to replace that.  Basically, your body is running on empty. 

Explain to your Darling Husband that you’re working on figuring out a way of eating that works for you and a type of exercise that you like.  If you’re burnt out on the workouts, don’t do them- find something else.  Try a bootcamp, try spin, try groupons, try yoga- find something you like…and you might not like it the first time, but the tenth time might be a charm. Its YOU that you need to take care of, not his opinions. 


Post # 10
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@jouissance:  I agree w. you!

I don’t think having a low carb type diet is the answer. In fact, I don’t think any diet is the answer. Diets are temporary. You need a permanent lifestyle change.

I haven’t tried it, but I have heard good things about Weight Watchers. Have you tried them? You can eat anything you want, but it’s based on points. If you want that chocolate cake you can have it, but that means you might need to eat a salad for lunch. It’s about portion control vs. restricting foods.

Starving isn’t the answer.

Is there an activity you do like? I am still trying to figure out what works for me. Try doing some things as a couple as well. I despise the gym… but boxing w. my boyfriend is fun. We bought the punch pads and gloves and I punch the pads he holds. It’s a great workout and I’m not all by myself. I also enjoy swimming.

Do you have tempting foods in the house? Out of sight, out of mind.

I can’t make any kind of proper judgment, but it sounds to me like you’ll never be a size zero… just like myself. And that’s ok. Once you accept that, it’ll be so much easier. I love food. It’s one of my passions. Yes, I need to lose about 15 lbs, but no I am never going to be a ‘food is fuel’ person. I’m never going to have a completely flat tummy… but yes, I need to lose some weight for my health and to feel a bit more comfortable.

Post # 11
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I had a somewhat similar issue with my Darling Husband not supporting me the way I needed.  He likes to make action plans too.  I told him flat out that when I’m upset, I need a hug and comforting, not to be told I need to do A, B, and C to fix the problem.  I can try to figure out A, B, and C on my own, and I know he’s there to help me with that if I can’t get it done by myself.  He’s great now about being emotionally supportive because he understands now that what I need from him is to help me feel better.

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