- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
So, my fiancee and I are getting married in May this year and have run into some major issues with my parents’ recent divorce. I had a great, fun, close family with no indication of anything wrong until last April when my parents revealed that they were having severe marital problems and that my dad was having an affair. They said they were going to try to “work on the marriage” but within a couple weeks, my dad surprised my mom with divorce papers, ending their 31-year marriage. I was already making plans to propose to Tracy and ended up going through with it in June. We planned our wedding for May 2011 thinking that this situation would be resolved by then. The divorce was finalized in December, but things have really not improved. My parents absolutely detest each other at this point and are not even close to being on speaking terms. My dad’s sister and my mom’s brother, along with cousins, have taken opposing sides and are no longer speaking to those across the divide. My sisters are no longer on speaking terms with my dad. Meanwhile my fiancee and I are stuck in the middle.
We have tried repeatedly to get my mom and dad (and even extended family involved in the drama) to sit down together and talk about how to make things work for this wedding. No progress could be made and we basically gave up on that idea.
To make matters worse, my mom started dating a guy (let’s call him “Randy,” short for “RANDom guY”) she met online about a month ago, and she is insisting on bringing him to the wedding. My fiancee and I have never met Randy, and will not before the wedding as they live on the opposite coast. She says that if she is alone at the wedding, she will get too unhappy/emotional, and she needs Randy there to keep her stable and act as sort of a shield from my dad. She says Randy is very nice, but he has been married and divorced three times, which we see as a major red flag. Our concerns are that they JUST started dating, having this guy nobody knows will draw attention to the issue, it will add awkwardness (including for me who has to get used to seeing my mom dating for the first time at my wedding), our and my mom’s memories of this wedding will involve this guy (could taint those memories if their relationship ends poorly), and it will make us appear to be taking sides (obviously we’re not letting my dad bring the woman he cheated on my mom with – he is forced to come alone). We originally said NO DATES for the wedding to my parents and they both seemed to agree at the time, not that my dad had a choice.
We also have always really wanted to do introductions of the parents, wedding party, and us at the beginning of our reception. Of course this situation makes that extremely awkward. My fiancee’s parents are married, so we would first have them introduced together, then… my mom alone, then my dad alone? My mom, escorted by her brother, then my dad escorted by his sister (mom does not like this idea)? My mom, escorted by Randy who nobody knows, then my dad alone/escorted by his sister (mom likes this idea but we don’t want Randy involved in ANY way)? Skip my parents altogether? Believe me, them being introduced together is NOT an option.
Anyone have advice here? Should we let my mom bring this guy? What’s the most reasonable way to do the introductions given this situation? We’re obviously going to keep him out of photos and smaller group activities like the rehearsal dinner as much as we can. We need to give my mom, who bugs me about this every other day, an answer ASAP so Randy can arrange for time off work and his cross-country flight if he’s coming.