(Closed) Issues with FI’s family. Major advice required please

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

how on earth do i move on from this. I honestly want nothing to do with these people at all

dont take their money, pay for your own wedding

 

And also, would you all be upset by this sort of behaviour as well? How would you have reacted

see above comment – i would plan a wedding that i can afford and not expect others to pay for anything

goodluck

Post # 4
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

@eloping:  I agree. Tell your in laws you’ve decided that to keep things simpler and take the pressure off them (what with all the TRAVEL they’re going to have to do *rolling eyes*), you don’t need any money from them. Re-jig the wedding however you have to, to make this happen.

Post # 5
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Not to be a douche, but like eloping stated, that’s exactly why we’re paying for our own wedding.  Honestly, when I read that his folks didn’t want to drive that far for the wedding my initial thought was ‘yes! cheaper = good!’ but that is because I am personalizing your story based on my own wedding issues. I digress..

Your fiance is right.  You do have to get over it…for whatever reason, they are finding her 21st more important, financially.  Maybe they’re just bitter a$$holes, but as soon as you accept it, the quicker you can move on.  Knowing that they’re basically selfish people, how would you change your wedding?  And then do it.

Post # 6
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This issue you have is only going to get worse if you don’t get a handle on it. The sisters birthday is more important because it’s the stepmother in laws daughter. Moms set that stuff up. Her stuff will always outway his for her, and dads really mostly have learned to go with the flow. I do think you overreacted about his comments on your hometown chances are he may not know you were sensitive about that(wouldn’t bother me ). As for not paying for the photographer, chances are when they said they would pay for it they had no idea how expensive that was. Paying for your alcohol is a gift and you should accept it as such. no one owes you anything including your parents. Sorry if this seems harsh but I think if we aren’t honest it won’t do you any good regarding moving on. You certainly have a right to your feelings but I think we would be doing you a disservice if we tell you we agree with them.

Post # 7
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@eloping:  Exactly.

OP, your in-laws can spend their money however they want whether you agree or not– it’s theirs. And honestly, it sounds like they really don’t care what you think about it. So get over it, it’s not worth the impact it’s obviously having on you. Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This issue you have is only going to get worse if you don’t get a handle on it. The sisters birthday is more important because it’s the stepmother in laws daughter. Moms set that stuff up. Her stuff will always outway his for her, and dads really mostly have learned to go with the flow. I do think you overreacted about his comments on your hometown chances are he may not know you were sensitive about that(wouldn’t bother me ). As for not paying for the photographer, chances are when they said they would pay for it they had no idea how expensive that was. Paying for your alcohol is a gift and you should accept it as such. no one owes you anything including your parents. Sorry if this seems harsh but I think if we aren’t honest it won’t do you any good regarding moving on. You certainly have a right to your feelings but I think we would be doing you a disservice if we tell you we agree with them.

Post # 10
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You have to try your best to not get involved between your FI’s relationship with his parents.. it never turns out good.. I know its tempting to get involved, but you need to let him handle it. I would try to just not include them as far as paying for stuff goes, and pay for everything yourself. You are really lucky to have help with people paying for your wedding. It’s a lot harder having to pay for every single thing in the wedding, which is what me and my Fiance are doing.. but its our wedding, I think we should have to pay ourselves. Good luck! I know it must be tough to have trouble with the FMIL/FFIL.

Post # 11
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@eloping:  

 

I totally agree, Parents dont pay for weddings usually where Im from…. most engagements last about 2 years so the couple can save up.

 

I would HATE to be answeable to other peoples wishes/demands due to a financial favour.

 

Because we were paying for our wedding, no one else had a say (oh we had plenty of “helpful” advice and annoyance at us not taking it)- their prob not ours

 

Im sure the invites are going to say “the parents of the bride have much pleasure in inviting you to the wedding of the bride and groom etc” and that will be enough

Post # 12
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My parents both have no jobs, my dad is on dissability and my mom is not employed. My fiances parents both have full time jobs AND get money from the government… however, my parents are paying for all of our wedding. Yet the inlaws act as if they have some say in this wedding and the plans for it. They would rather spend their money on their spoiled daughter and buy her a car/cat/dog/clothes all over the place. They are also going on a huge trip, another reason they “dont” have money for this wedding. And yet the Mother-In-Law makes comments and snide remarks about how “she’s” paying for this wedding. It really makes me want nothing to do with these selfish people who obviously care nothing about their son/brother. But I am TRYING to be as nice as possible. This is hard for someone like me who has a huge temper and a short fuse. I know that it hurts my fiance when we all fight though so I am civil. They all put on a show of being nice to me, but they are the most passive aggressive people I have met. Like, I am lactose intolerant- I just found out. I tell The Fiances family this, and the rest of the day they offer me dairy products. Then they are all “OH sorry I forgot you can’t eat that…” As if they dont know cheese is my fav thing ever. Pssshhh….

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