- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I need some help with some problems i’m having with my in-laws.
My Fiance and I got engaged a year ago and almost instantly decided we would get married in May 2012. So we went ahead and booked a reception venue in the city we live in. The city we live in is where my Fiance grew up and where his family live and i’m from a country town a 5 hour drive away where my family still live. At this point his Dad and step-mom had said they would pay for alcohol, flowers and cars and my parents would pay for the rest.
OK – fast forward to October and his Dad and step-mom had a formal meeting with my parents and it was decided his parents would pay for alcohol, photographer and videographer. At this point in time the only thing we had booked for our “city” wedding was the reception venue and our wedding was 6.5 months away – so getting very close. Now at this meeting my Fiance & I asked if we could borrow his parents matching Mercedes-Benz for our wedding cars to save a lot of money. They said no because they would have to drive around my Fiance Step-MIL’s family. Then my Mum asked his step-MIL if my Fiance will be getting ready at their house and the step-MIL hesitated and said there was no room because all her family will be there… but then corrected herself and said they would “make room” for my Fiance. On top of that we were thinking about having the wedding ceremony at the same place as the reception venue but we would have to pay another $3,000 to have a full drinks and nibbles service between the time of the ceremony and reception and step-MIL was insisting that we needed to provide that service so our guests didn’t get bored and she couldn’t expect her mother to change venues. It was also expected that my parents would pay the bill for that. I thought that $3,000 was a waste of money and so did my parents. Our guests can do whatever they want between the ceremony and reception. They can meet up the road at a cafe if they were that desperate to find “something to do”. Anyway, a few days later FI’s parents call my parents and say they aren’t happy paying for the photographer and videographer and they’ll just pay for alcohol.
I decide that I really don’t want to get married in the city and start organising the wedding in my home town. Everyone I spoke to was really happy about the idea apart from his family. They turned around to my Fiance and said that if the wedding is in my hometown no-one will come. Come on – if they can go only holidays to Europe and America they can make it to a wedding that’s a 5 hour drive away.
Then in December my Fiance and I go to his parents house for an early Xmas dinner because we are going away for Xmas. His Father starts asking if we have taxi’s in my home town because he doesn’t want to be walking down the streets at night because he might get attacked by a native with a spear. Completely politically incorrect!!! He’s an absolute jerk, i pretty much burst into tears. & then later in the night he asks what i think about him doing a speech so i say that the father of the groom traditionally doesn’t do a speech. If he thinks I’m letting him do a speech just after completely bagging out the town i come from he has another thing coming. I was so upset about this and had even taken over sample invitations to show them but after his stupid comments i decided to shut my mouth about the whole wedding.
Then some other small things happen, like his sister is one of my bridesmaids, and my brother is one of his groomsmen, and my parents are paying for the bridesmaids dresses, but they were only paying for the grooms suit. So my Fiance had to call them and ask if they could pay for the groomsmen’s suits as well. If they weren’t going to I was going to get his sister to give me the money for her dress and get her to pay for her own hair and make-up. Then they called my Fiance and complained to him that he had asked them to pay for the suits but luckily they agreed to pay.
Oh, then they said they don’t have much money to pay for our wedding because they have to pay for his sister’s 21st birthday party and take her on a trip to America for 2 weeks. They didn’t take my Fiance on a holiday for his 21st. His sister is his half sister so the daughter of his father and step-Mom. Now i know i shouldn’t be expecting them to pay for half our wedding but it just hurts when they do so much for his sister, but can’t do the same for him. This sort of stuff has happened his whole life. She got a car when she finished school, he got nothing. He got kicked out at 18 because he was an adult and could look after himself but her mum has decided she doesn’t want her only daughter to leave home so she’s still living there.
Then the latest thing thats happened is they called the reception venue and demanded they put together a drinks package at $40 per head so they know how much they are paying straight up. The reception venue owner is a single lady in a country town and she doesn’t do packages, she does drinks based on consumption. But Future Father-In-Law stated that since he is paying her she should be doing what they want her to do. So then the reception venue owner called my Mum in tears and Mum had to calm her down and just say that he’s a bully blah blah blah. So over it.
So my Fiance went over to talk his Dad and step-Mom yesterday and now that have complained they are feeling excluded from the wedding and they think it’s all to do with them saying they aren’t paying for the photographer. So i ran through the above things with my Fiance and said that yes, pulling out of paying from the photographer is part of it but its definitely not the only reason why i have excluded them. I think the bagging out my home town is a much bigger part of why i want nothing to do with them and basically saying his sister’s 21st is more important than our wedding.
Anyway, my Fiance has said that what’s done is done and I have to move on from it and we have to be a unified family at the wedding. My mind is spinning out when he’s saying this thinking i want nothing to do with them at all.
Thanks for reading my rant (hopefully). But now the question is how on earth do i move on from this. I honestly want nothing to do with these people at all. But this won’t make my fiancé happy. How can i suck it up when I’m around them and pretend to be happy, and have nice things to say. I’m at the point where I’m planning kids, and i do not even want my kids to be around them when i finally have them. And also, would you all be upset by this sort of behaviour as well? How would you have reacted? Would you still want anything to do with them?