(Closed) Issues with memorial for FH's father at wedding

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I would be inclined to leave it up to your FH and fmil. What you have planned sounds wonderful, but it may not how they would prefer to honor him 

Post # 4
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsBlah:  At all my family weddings we do a memorial table. We’re Mexican, so it’s like a Dia de los Muertos altar. We put pictures of family members that have passed along with things that remind us of them (a snickers bar in front of my grandpa’s picture, a chili pepper in front of mom’s, etc) along with some flowers and candles. You could do a small version of that and set it to the side of the reception area. That way, it’s not “in your face” and people can go look at it/reflect on their own. 

Post # 7
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsBlah:  What about just a candle or something with the bout on it… no picture, no words. You could maybe put a small line in the back of the program about it being in honor of his dad… or not. Honestly, if they are having such strong reactions you might want to skip it totally. 

Post # 9
10509 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Put it with the registry table for the ceremony and with your bouquet (head table? sweetheart table?) for the reception.

Post # 10
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I agree with what others have said. I definitely think his family needs to be the ones deciding this. It’s wonderful that you’re taking all of their feelings into account.

Post # 11
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsBlah:  I would give MIL the bout to wear. Personally, I am forgoing any empty chairs or overt signs to who we will be missing at our wedding. instead, I’m going to have some photo charms on my bouquet and give a duplicate to each of my parents (both parents have lost their mothers, and my mom has lost her father) I’ll give fi a charm with his paternal grandfather on it.


That way, if we want/need a little moment to remember, we can do so without becoming entirely gone for the whole day. I don’t want this to be another memorial service. I barely got through the origional ones.

But I do want to have them with me somehow on my wedding day. 🙁

Post # 12
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Of course you should do something only if FH and FIL’s want it and only in a way that is meaningful to them. For me personally, a public memorial would be an inappropriate way to honor my mom.  Instead I asked my dad if I could tie their wedding bands to my bouquet. It’s simple, private, symbolizes a strong marriage, and a very meaningful way to have my mom with me.  But, thats what I choose to do. I don’t think you can make the decision. Ask FH and his family what they would like to do-or if they want to do anything at all. 

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