Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married in less than three months and my mother does not think she will be able to make it to my wedding because she gets anxiety when she travels.
My mother has never traveled well. As a little girl, when they would go on family vacations, they would have to come back home sometimes before they got to their destination. Why? I’m not quite sure. Maybe anxiety from being in a car, being in a new place.. I don’t know. However, when we were little, my dad worked and was not able to take us on vacations so my mom was the one that would take us to the beach and on other vacations.
In the past 10 years my mom has been dealing with depression from the loss of her best friend and father around the same time. Also, My her mother passed away a few months ago and the 1 year anniversery of her sister’s death was a year ago in December. She’s been through alot!
Our wedding is about 6 hours away from my home town and my mother keeps saying she won’t be able to come. We have an extremely close relationship and it would completely break my heart if my mother was not there to be with me on my wedding day. Her therapist has introduced the idea of being able to watch our wedding on a web cam. (I was not a happy camper when I found this out.) I struggle with having someone set up the web cam because I feel like I am giving her a reason to not attend. I don’t think I would be able to forgive her if she wasn’t there.
Also, how in the world am I going to be able to explain to my friends and my fiance’s parents that my mother is not coming to our wedding because “she doesn’t like to travel” (the way I view this situation) Everyone in my family is doing everything they can to help… I just don’t know what to do! Please help!!
Post # 3
Can her therapist prescribe her some sort of tranquilizer for the trip have her come a couple of days earlier so she can get used to being in a new place and hopefully ease her anxiety.
Post # 4
Would getting a hotel and just driving three hours each day help her? It kind of sounds like her therapist is enabling her…
I don’t really have a lot of advice, but I can’t imagine my mom not being able to make it :(, and I’m sorry you have to deal with this!
Post # 5
Oh no… that is a very difficult situation =( Is there anyone that can help escort her there that would make her more comfortable?
Post # 6
@judya64: We would not have any problems getting medication for her, however, she says that will not help her.
Post # 7
@jo.lee: We have discussed her driving for a couple of hours at a time and that doesn’t seem to help either. I feel like her therapist is enabling her as well! I thought the roll of a therapist was to help you feel better and get over whatever fears / anxiety that you may have, not encourage you to miss your daughter’s wedding. My dad is in the health care industy and has done a lot of research on depression / anxiety, but we are all at a loss of words right now. He keeps telling me that it is an illness, however, I just can’t except that she can’t come to my wedding because of the distance.
Post # 8
Any advice you could give me would be more than appreciative. Has anyone else ever been in this kind of situation? I am not giving up hope that she will come! Please pray that she will be able to celebrate our wedding beside us on our wedding day!
Post # 9
Can she visit you before the wedding? Perhaps if she makes the trip beforehand on her own schedule it might make it bearable.
Other suggestions: traveling at night or having someone else drive her or exploring other forms of transportation. You could also ask her to try the medication or even other anxiety reducing treatments (yoga, therapeutic breathing, etc) because you are upset and don’t think that a webcam is an acceptable substitute to sharing the day with her.
Post # 10
I think it’s odd that a therapist would suggest a webcam instead of going. A therapist is supposed to help someone get over their problems, not find ways to let them keep avoiding them!
Like PPs suggested, maybe she could practice some relaxation techniques for while she’s traveling? Would it be better if she took a plane (a 6 hour car drives turns into a 1 hour plane trip, might be easier on her?), maybe a train instead (much more comfortable and also a bit faster)? Is there anyone who she trusts she could travel with to make her feel safer? Maybe you could even travel with her?
ETA: While I do have a lot of sympathy for your mother and I am sorry for all she’s been through… I think she’s letting this mess up even more of her life. Does she really want to miss seeing her child get married because she’s afraid of a car trip? No medication is going to help her? How does she know that? What about other techniques, doing the trip in intervals or traveling a different way? It just seems to me like she won’t even try, like she’s letting this defeat her. I can understand how hard it is for her to deal with this, but I also know personally how disorders like this can take a lot of what you care most about away from you. She should not let this stop her from living life, and I think she needs to find a new therapist that will actually help her.