Post # 1
Hi everyone, I’m only new to weddingbee and I’m after some advice please.
My fiance and I are having some issues with our photographer, she is one of our good friends sisters – so maybe we shouldn’t have agreed to have her be our phtotgrapher in the first place; they always say not to mix business and pleasure, guess I never believed it until now.
So from the get go she has been quite in my face, about things that have nothing to do with her – invitations and dinner plans which upset me and I kindly told her that they weren’t her issue could she concentrate on the photography. Three days ago she sends me a text message asking if she can bring her on again off again partner to our wedding. I’m shocked and disappointed in her behaviour. We have friends, good friends that are single and have been invited without a date – they don’t mind, but we had to reduce our numbers and then someone that isn’t even a guest, I mean she would have nothing to do with the wedding if she wasn’t the photographer. I would never have invited her, I honestly have nothing to do with her other than an odd hi when she’s at her sister’s place and I’m there too.
I told her no, mentioned our numbers were as high as they could go and that she’s the photographer could she please concentrate on the photography matters. The response I get is “fine” and her sister getting upset with me because I have been so rude.
I really don’t feel like using this photographer anymore, has anybody been in this situation or have any advice? It would be much appreciated!
Post # 3
That is completely insane, what kind of vendor asks to bring a date or thinks they should have an opinion on things that have NOTHING to do with the service they’re providing?! I think you’re definitely right to be concerned. She’s acting like a bossy guest or bridesmaid, not someone you are paying for a service. Why is her siser getting mad at you – have you explained the situation to her? I can’t see how she could possibly think YOU are the one being rude.
I would drop her as your photograpjher – if you don’t I think you’ll really regret it on your wedding day, when you’ll probably have to bug her to do her job, and then even more when you’re unhappy with pictures of moments that can’t be re-created. I’m kind of stumped on how to do it without making things awkward with your friend though, hoping some other bees come along with advice for you.
Post # 4
Thank you!! The way they were behaving I was beginning to question my reaction.
I am still honestly shocked by the whole situation, they’re coming across very selfish and pathetic now and I’m quite disappointed in them.
Apparently I’m the rude one, because I’ve questioned her sisters ability and I’m not taking her opinions or suggestions on board. I’m not trying to attack her sister it’s the manner in which she is running her “business”. I am assuming she doesn’t ask all brides if she can bring a date To their wedding when she is the photographer, so why our wedding, just because we are friends with her sister?
After another long chat with my husband to be we’ve decided to find another photographer, a more professional one and that we can rely on to do their job! I’m not really fussed if my friend is upset by it or not, I’m hoping she will get over it. It’s either she deals with the fact we’re not using her sister as our photographer or she deals with us complaining about our poor photos or the fact she was behaving as a guest rather than a vendor on the day.
And to add to the drama they had their mother call me and ask what my issue is.. She doesn’t see a problem with it, so no wonder her daughters behave like this.
Wonderstruck thank you so much for responding 🙂
Post # 5
She had her mother call you? how old is she? Wow, talk about unprofessional.
Post # 6
Stay strong! Good luck! Drop them all!
Post # 7
She sure did!! She’s actually 30 but acts about 5.. This isnt adisagreement at school, this is about our wedding! It’s not like we will have one a year, these photos will be with us for the rest of our lives! It’s honestly pathetic behavior. Isn’t it?
Thanks bees 🙂 the search for a new photographer has started!
Post # 8
@meeegz2587: Yikes, I could see her being curious about your plans in a “trying to be supportive” kind of way, as photographers are a BIG part of your wedding and you’ll be getting to know them quite well…
But if she’s trying to interfere or keeps asking when you obviously don’t want to share with her… no.
And everything else is completely unprofessional! I wonder if she is always this unprofessional or if its because she thinks she can be since she already knows you. Either way, its no good. I would go with someone else…
I swear, when you’re friends with a vendor, sometimes some of them think that they can treat you in an unprofessional way. At my work, some of my clients become my friends and some of my friends become my clients. That’s fine. But you HAVE to maintain professionalism no matter what when you are doing your job. Sometimes I think some people get confused as to what is “job time” and what is “friend/acquaintance time”. They don’t seem to realize that so long as they are working with someone – it is professional time. Thankfully, for me, the boundaries are more clear. If we’re in my work its time to be professional. For a friendor, I think its more confusing.
I was okay with having a friendor photographer until she tried to get me to pay for her family to take a trip to Scotland. Nooooo longer my photographer.
Post # 9
Is she an actual professional photographer with a real business or is she doing a few weddings on the side mostly for family/friends?
Post # 10
@Lashmont: yah, I’m wondering the same thing. I’d be SHOCKED if she had an actual business.
Either way, DUMP HER ASAP.
Post # 11
@meeegz2587: I’d look for a new photographer too!
Did you sign a contract (or anything) with your friend’s sister?
Post # 12
@YogaFaerie that’s very true I’d be more than happy to use her I’d she was being professional but it seems like just because she knows me all professionalism has disappeared! Wow paying for a their family holiday – that’s crazy. Wouldn’t be my photographer anymore either.
Yep ladies, I’m sorry to say she does have a business, a studio and everything – its in a quiet town but she seems to be quite busy. But I won’t be recommending her to anyone that’s for Sure. No luckily I didn’t sign a contract, she kept saying she would post it out but I never received it 🙂
Post # 13
Even when we shoot weddings for friends and family we approach those events like business relationships. There are contracts, and those people become our clients. You need to get another photographer as soon as you can.
Post # 14
That’s too bad. I was hoping she had an excuse haha!
Post # 15
Thanks everyone! I’ve spoken to few photographers and they have been wonderful! So helpful and lovely but also very professional. I contacted our original photographer and she still doesn’t see the issue with it, after trying many times to explain what was upsetting about it I gave up, as we were finishing the conversation she said “look forward to getting my invite in the mail.” Ahhh I think she is in her own little world!
Post # 16
I offer opinions/advice on wedding plans when I am either A.) Asked specifically to do so or B.) See my client struggling with a decision and looking for deciding factors to help THEM make that decision. All I can do is point out, from a photography standpoint, what I think will work best for their photos. My “opinion” may or may not affect their decision and I don’t push either way. It’s the photographer’s job to make THE CLIENT’S vision come to life in the photos, not push them into creating THE PHOTOGRAPHER’S vision.
Unless your friend’s sister’s husband is a photographer and offering to second shoot for free (in which case he would not need a guest seat, maybe just a vendor meal as a courtesy) that is a completely ridiculous request. Your wedding is not a party for them to get drunk at and have fun. She is supposed to be WORKING and unless her husband is working too (assisting or shooting) he would be nothing more and a huge distraction and an extra expense. You made the right choice starting the search for someone else!